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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My five year old was abandoned at an organised party

368 replies

KattyB · 24/07/2011 22:02

My husband took our five year old boy to a birthday party for two of his school friends in the local sports hall yesterday and when he came back to collect him, (five minutes late) all of his friends and their parents had left. There was another party going on afterwards, but my child was, well, abandoned. Not only that, but he actually managed to get outside the hall and was ?waiting for daddy? in the car park.

To say that I am angry is a little bit of an understatement and what could have happened doesn?t bear thinking about.

Don?t know the mums at all well and don?t have their phone numbers ?. Should I 'throw the book' at the venue???? What would you do?

OP posts:
saladsandwich · 25/07/2011 15:20

maybe the host was watching from the car thats why your dh saw her drive off as he arrived?? i do personally think he was just lost though and they didnt notice because no one in their right mind ould leave a young child, if you have no invitation then it may be that you got the finishing time wrong too? x

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 25/07/2011 15:22

bringmesunshine2009 Yes I think they are that cold! Oh and I like "What the actual fuck are you on?" Grin

As I pointed out up thread, on AIBU, if the OP has made any error, that is proportionally insignificant compared to what the other party have done, the MN jury often side with the other party. It's a bit weird really. Don't understand the mentality.

Esta3GG · 25/07/2011 15:23

The fact that so many mothers on here think it is ok to not be held accountable for a child placed into their care is the reason why I never leave my kids with anyone I don't know very well.

It makes no odds if he was late or not - you don't just fuck off and leave someone's 5 year old. Well not in my world anyway.

StayingNearlyHeadlessNicksGirl · 25/07/2011 15:23

Why would anyone think it safe to watch a child from inside their car, though, saladsandwich? What if the child dashed in front of another car - the party parent in the car would have no chance to get there in time to prevent a tragedy.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 25/07/2011 15:25

MightQuim YABU. I've never been to a party where the kids are called out to meet parents one by one like at preschool at the end.

Then you have obviously never been to a play centre (or to one like the one near me). All the children stand in a line at the end, on the dot or even a few mins early but never late, the birthday child hands out the bags to a child, that child then walks to their parent and an employee lets them out the gate, then onto the next child. It is very controlled and careful.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 25/07/2011 15:26

StayingNearlyHeadlessNicksGirl Exactly, it's not plausible.

Maryz · 25/07/2011 15:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 25/07/2011 15:30

You can't expect 2 mums to be able to constantly watch 30 kids.

You bloody well can! Otherwise those two mums oughtn't to be holding parties for 30 children.

rookiemater · 25/07/2011 15:39

There are clearly two completely conflicting views about this.

  1. Parents hosting party are 100% responsible for all children at that party full stop

or

  1. Parents hosting party are 100% responsible for children but parents of children attending party should play their part such as having a contact number, arriving on time to pick up child, ensuring when child is dropped off that it is made known that they are not staying.

I must admit I have picked up some tips from this. At DS's next party I will make absolutely sure I have telephone numbers for all parents and I won't hand out party bags unless a parent is standing right beside the child, all useful stuff.

However I would never drop DS off at the age of 5 to a new party venue where I don't have the mobile number of the parents or indeed know any of the parents hosting the party then return to pick him up late.

To me this is a 2 way thing and I think the OPs indignation needs to be tempered with this in mind.

Maryz · 25/07/2011 15:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MightyQuim · 25/07/2011 15:49

Really - you think a 2 to 30 ratio will allow for the kids to be constantly watched? Considering these aren't even people qualified to care for children but just mums doing a party?
The OP chose to leave her child somewhere where he would not be well supervised and with people she didn't know well. The parent is ultimately responsible for the care of their child imo.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 25/07/2011 15:52

Well then the 2 people shouldn't invite 30 children. Yes, I absolutely think that if you hand your child over to someone, they have responsibility for the duration. You can't be responsible if you're not physically there Confused.

The OP assumed he would be well supervised, as any parent would in this sitution. Except thankfully, those of who have read this thread are now more aware that some people are twats and couldn't look after a houseplant.

MightyQuim · 25/07/2011 15:53

I have been to a few parties at play centres and they are absolute chaos. A child could quite easily slip out if their parent isn't there on time.

MightyQuim · 25/07/2011 15:56

No-one forced the op to leave her child there though did they? If she thought 2 people couldn't constantly watch 30 5 yos (which I would have thought fairly obvious) then her or her dh should have stayed.
Not everyone is responsible. I would never have left a 5 yo at a party with that few adults helping out.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 25/07/2011 16:00

Oh fgs, what exactly would you expect a parent to do? Grill the hosts on their supervisory skills? Check the location of the fire exits? Insist that someone was posted on all exits and entrances?

"Would you like me to stay with Horatio? No, are you sure? Well could you please let me have a look at your incident plan and risk assessment so that I can accurately ascertain whether you are reponsible enough to take charge of my child?"

Maryz · 25/07/2011 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Megatron · 25/07/2011 16:07

Just another point about supervision. At DD's party on Saturday I had arranged for 5 other adults to be present and help supervise (excluding DH and I). One of them didn't turn up and sent their child with another parent and another had a sick child so obv didn't come. Fortunately I was able to get another couple of parents to stay but if they hadn't I would have felt very uncomfortable having 3 other adults responsible for 25 children.

I still believe that there are faults on all sides here, of course the hosts should have never left without ensuring OPs child was left. No one in their right mind would think otherwise but I still find it very odd that anyone at all would leave their young child in the care of people they barely know. They have NO idea how responsible these people may be and in this case, they weren't responsible at all and made an almighty cock up.

To be honest I never put any trust in anyone I barely know with my child.

MightyQuim · 25/07/2011 16:10

You wouldn't have to grill the hosts. But I would find out how many parents were supervising before leaving my child and had the answer been 2 for 30 kids then unless I was happy with my child not being watched 100% of the time I would stay. I doubt many parents would be happy with that ratio for a school visit (and I don't think it would be within the law).
The staff in our local soft play do not supervise the children - and there are signs everywhere saying as much.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 25/07/2011 16:36

Are you still talking nonsense MightyQuim. Confused

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 25/07/2011 16:37

Oh fgs, what exactly would you expect a parent to do? Grill the hosts on their supervisory skills? Check the location of the fire exits? Insist that someone was posted on all exits and entrances?

Apparently! According to Mighty anyway.

Allinabinbag · 25/07/2011 16:48

I have stayed at a party before and been that unwanted helicopter parent, because when I arrived, I saw that the exit from the Village Hall was on the road and no-one was manning the doors (they didn't have enough parents to have one dedicated to doing this).

I could see the parents didn't want me to stay but I didn't care, it was staying or not leaving two five year olds in a strange hall on a main road with a load of strangers who didn't look quite in control of the situation. Luckily the playcentre and house parties we've been to since have been much better in terms of one in/one out and I've happily left mine.

I do blame the parents in these situations for not having enough hands on deck and not covering exits. At a five year old's party some will be under five, not even five. It's a bit different by the time they are 7/8.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 25/07/2011 16:53

I had a party at my house and locked the front door and took the key out as I was so worried about a child opening the door and getting out. I was throwing the party so it was my responsibility.

MightyQuim · 25/07/2011 16:54

But responsible parents like you Allinabinbag wouldn't leave there kids if there weren't enough adults. There's no point just saying well the organisers SHOULD have enough adults to supervise if they haven't!

nojustificationneeded · 25/07/2011 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bathsheba · 25/07/2011 17:06

Is anyone else with me in assumming that there has been a perfectly reasonable explanation given to the OP and that is why she hasn't come back...