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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to thoroughly detest potty training?

130 replies

DMCWelshCakes · 22/07/2011 17:59

DiddyDragon is 2.10 and has been dry at nursery (pretty much) for a few months now. Sadly for us, she's refusing to cooperate at home. Today was day one of home toilet bootcamp & I'm completely fucked off with the whole thing already. She's obviously ready as does it no problem at nursery, so why the hell won't she replicate this success when she leaves there?

Accidents - 2, including one 30 seconds after promising faithfully she didn't need to go.

Successful use of toilet - zero.

This would seem to suggest she's deliberately holding it so as not to have to go.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

OP posts:

Brynn · 27/07/2011 13:29

Lost poo - brilliant.

My personal favourite potty training fails so far:

I walk out of the kitchen to see DS wiping the hallway floor with a towel. Me: "What are you doing?" DS: "Cleaning my wee! Chocolate buttons now please?". Wish he'd at least picked a dirty towel - not the one that was on top of my pile of CLEAN washing...

Early morning, DS (2.10) just woken up, lounging in his bed: "Oh! I have a wee, mummy." Me: "Great! Look, your potty is just over there. Why don't you use that instead of your nappy." DS: "Not be bothered."

cherryburton · 27/07/2011 13:33

Oh god, we're in the middle of it with DS2 who is 2.11. Started on Saturday, not been tooooooooo bad, apart from he seems to have decided not to drink or wee at all most of the day and just went two days without a poo. We're actually going away for the weekend and am hoping wildly that by the time we get back it will all be done for us.

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 27/07/2011 13:35

kimdeal was using both depending on the circumstances - it is good to get them used to the loo early as otherwise they can develop a fear of falling down it!

HarriedWithChildren · 27/07/2011 15:53

I'm with the leave it until as late as possible gang. It's easier to change a couple of nappies a day than wash/mop/grind teeth from morning til night and what's the big deal anyway?

Our DSs chose a new pack of pants with daddy, we got the potties out and waited, and waited, and then they decided to give it a go. No picnic but not a total nightmare either. The advice on MN is pretty good.

Did anyone ever see that programme on TV a few years ago about parents who don't believe in using nappies, from birth that is, but instead claim to be able to recognise the signs when their child needs the loo? For those of you potty training right now, just imagine of the state of their houses...

HarriedWithChildren · 27/07/2011 16:03

Oh dear, I didn't realise there was an entire school of thought behind the no nappy thing and hope no one's offended.

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 27/07/2011 16:51

It's easier to change a couple of nappies a day than wash/mop/grind teeth from morning til night and what's the big deal anyway?

That, I am afraid, sums up the whole problem!

It is surely a big deal if you are poor to have children in nappies til 4 instead of 2, or if you care about the environment? I am not blaming individuals, it has become part of our culture and people don't even think there is an alternative, think it will be more hassle, or people will think they are weird.

People might think I am a bit strange but I don't care! I saved hundreds of pounds (well not really as I was using cloth, but would have translated to hundreds of pounds in dispos) and maybe 600 or so pooey nappy changes doing it the way I did it.

There was no mopping or grinding of teeth involved, I promise!

HarriedWithChildren · 27/07/2011 18:10

I'm not saying you're wrong LieIns, nappies are a bane of the planet without a doubt and with the population growth in numbers and affluence it will get much worse. I'm also really glad that the whole process was so smooth for you and your children.

Luckily for those of us who are not blessed with your patience and communication skills, neither of which I seem to possess, there are alternatives.

EggyAllenPoe · 27/07/2011 19:42

FWIW the Digo people of Africa have no nappies, so train from birth, and their babies attain competence about 3-4 months.

i don't see any evidence that leaving it later does make it easier. some to the contrary (though as with everything to do with studying parenting, the variables are not as simple as 'training age vs weeks until success..')

training with a newborn in tow...gets annoying. but i actually think an older aby would be harder to have around, as they sleep less.

older toddlers can be buggers too, as mine stole the potty from DS....

lukewarmmama · 27/07/2011 21:03

Eggy - I know nothing about this, so forgive me if this is a crap question, but for the Digo people you mention, are the children really potty trained in the sense we would use though? Or are the parents just incredibly tuned in to when their children are needing to go, so anticipate them? i.e. still parent led, but in a different way? I just find it hard to conceptualise a babe in arms having any control over their bladder.

EggyAllenPoe · 27/07/2011 21:52

i think its a combination of 'now is the time to hold baby outside the hut' and baby learnign that when mummy goes for wee, tht is the time they should.

it probably is something you learn from being in a culture where the older people will be going' ;'oh look, baby needs a wee-wee.'..at the first sign, so you would pick it up faster than if you were trying to achieve the same thing in a furnished house with no such social support for it.

thinking back, at about 3 mo, mine started trying to put their arms in their clothes (whilst i was dressing them), which is a big thing for a tiny baby to attempt. babies: not as dumb as they look.

blackeyedsusan · 27/07/2011 21:57

dd took a whole YEAR as the messages were just not getting through from bladder to brain (aand that was just to the dry with accidents phase rather than reliably dry). she has other physical difficulties so it is not surprising. ds is sort of getting it at just 3...we had a relapse today as i was poorly but if it takes a couple of weeks months but is not stressful, who cares?

lukewarmmama · 28/07/2011 06:51

I imagine that not having baby in layers of babygros with all those sodding poppers would help too - instant access

Original poster

DMCWelshCakes · 28/07/2011 08:56

Oh yes. The other potty training dilemma - what to wear?

So far we've been going with leggings (easy to pull up & down) but may try the bare bum approach next week if she still hasn't got it cracked. I can't imagine my parents will be particularly pleased if we try it at their house this weekend. It's also frowned upon at our local shopping centre.

OP posts:

melika · 28/07/2011 09:04

YANBU

Poo is so much worse than wee!

roseanne1 · 28/07/2011 09:54

We are embarking on this now. Son is 3 was prem, but he is now ready for school, some days good other days no chance!

www.glitzybits.co.uk

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 28/07/2011 12:28

Harried it would be great if prolonged nappy use was just an alternative who tried it the 'old-fashioned way' and found it did not work, but I would be surprised if there were many who found that it didn't. It has somehow become lost with the convenience of disposables and this self-perpetuating (as seen on this thread) dread of the horrors of potty-training.

I was mainly trying to anticipate the poos, which isn't all that difficult really. The wees take a bit longer but the fact they are used to the potty/toilet and don't think it is a big deal (unlike a two plus who are notorious for saying 'NO!' to just about anything!) is 90% of the work done.

93pjb · 28/07/2011 17:02

OP, haven't had time to read the whole thread but your DD's behaviour might be a lot more to do with attention seeking as a reaction to the new baby than to potty training. My DD was out of nappies at 18months and dry at night by 2.3. But when DS arrived when she was 2.11 she started having accidents, only at home and almost alway just as I sat down to feed DS.... It took 3 months for her to get back to her old self again.

Try to take it in your stride and not get worked up, which is easier said than done but it might be a completely different story in a few weeks.

duffynell · 28/07/2011 20:40

In to week2 of potty training, ds who's 2 happy to use potty when taken but has yet to start asking but is happy when does do a wee. Always poo's when has nappy on to go to bed. was thinking of putting him back into nappies but not sure. This is the worst part yet

Batteryhuman · 28/07/2011 20:47

I had a look at this thread purely out of curiosity as those days are long behind me but I am astounded at how much has changed since I had my DSs. They are now 19, 18 and 9 and certainly when the first 2 were small the expectation was that they would not be allowed to start playgroup until they were out of nappies. Even with DS3 very few went to playgroup in nappies and I don't recall from my shifts as a parent helper either loads of accidents or any children in nappies or pull ups.

DS1 is ASD and took a while to get the hang of things but was pretty much there by 3. The other 2 were both out of nappies day and night before they were 2 and I seriously do not remember it being a big deal for me or my friends with children of the same age.

This is not me being smug. There really does seem to have been a cultural shift. I watch my brother changing his enormous 3 year old's pooey nappies-yuk, and I feel like my mother (who was of the put them on a potty as soon as they can sit up school which my generation thought was madness).

God I feel old!

EggyAllenPoe · 28/07/2011 20:59

yy batteryhuman - my mothers playgroup included some kids with mild SEN who PT only a couple of months later than the group (ie 20 months rather than 18.)

and in only a week - and yet you will endlessly see on here 'oh, can't do it before two... ' or 'it's so hard if you start early' ...as though these things are proven fact.

I am not saying there is any 'should' about it though, just that people don't seem to know what is possible.

Brynn · 28/07/2011 21:13

Well I knew nothing about potty training before embarking on it, so I just gathered my information from a combination of talking to the HV, googling, and reading a popular potty training book for boys.

All of the advice I read was the same: wait for signs the child is pyschologically ready as well as physically. So that's what I've done... and still waiting for DS, nearly 3, to be interested! Maybe I should have started at 18 months - 2 and we'd be all home and dry. Or maybe not... I'll never know. But I don't know if it is completely down to a shift in attitude across generations. Apparently I wasn't dry until I was nearly 3.5, and my mum used cloth nappies so I'm sure she didn't leave it that long for convenience. Perhaps some kids are just naturally more stubborn about conforming socially

oldsox · 29/07/2011 06:56

cm also,trying with one 2,7 in my charge,absolutly hopeless even using stars,highfives,cuddles.praying for sunny day so can move it to garden! all this from 6.am when he arrives....

oldsox · 29/07/2011 07:02

also a cm,trying to p train a 2.7 in my charge,hopeless,and him arriving at 6.30 am means its a long day,thank heavens mum packs pull ups,praying for sunny day in garden today to move process outside (i have carpets!)

BagofHolly · 29/07/2011 07:21

I went to a talk by Tanya Byron and she said not to rush to do it and it was perfectly normal to wait until a child is ready, and if they still aren't dry at 5, only then consider it to be a problem. She said she was sick of getting parents moaning saying "nursery/prep/kindergarten want them toilet trained" and to just let the child take the lead.

notsomajicpants · 29/07/2011 09:25

Where have you people been all my life ?
Am in love with this extreme disinterest and general slum mum apathy.
Ds waited till three and a half and Ds was ignored as long as possible, including forcing her back into nappies after she was going on the potty at 1y8m. All done in a few days though at 2y.
House Guests ?! Eek, back to nappies !
Do I need to talk to my kids now they are attacking each other with the play dough tools ?

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