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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to thoroughly detest potty training?

130 replies

DMCWelshCakes · 22/07/2011 17:59

DiddyDragon is 2.10 and has been dry at nursery (pretty much) for a few months now. Sadly for us, she's refusing to cooperate at home. Today was day one of home toilet bootcamp & I'm completely fucked off with the whole thing already. She's obviously ready as does it no problem at nursery, so why the hell won't she replicate this success when she leaves there?

Accidents - 2, including one 30 seconds after promising faithfully she didn't need to go.

Successful use of toilet - zero.

This would seem to suggest she's deliberately holding it so as not to have to go.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

OP posts:
IwishIwasmoreorganised · 24/07/2011 23:13

If you dead set on going for it then bribery is the only answer!

Star charts with decent presents (hot wheels cars worked well with ds2!)once they're filled sucessfully, chocolate buttons for every successful toilet (or potty if that's what you're using) trip.

Bribe away - it worked well with our ds's!

BTW, ds1 was dry at 2.2 (in the day), ds2 not until a few days after his 3rd birthday. Both asked to start when they were ready.

skybluepearl · 24/07/2011 23:19

i second the bribary thing. we also left training much later than you. my son kept putting himself on the loo cos i trying to delay it. he was 2 and 9 months - it took two days to potty train him.

BeerTricksPotter · 24/07/2011 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minxofmancunia · 24/07/2011 23:37

YANBU, it was my absolute most detested bit of parenting so far...took a week of work to do dd when she was 2.5 what a bloody loon I was!!

I know better with ds, he's 22 months. I'll be waiting until he asks even if it means it's after 3, too much bloody hassle to do it any other way.

startail · 24/07/2011 23:48

Good examples help. DD1 hardly used a potty or a trainer seat on the toilet because her best friend didn't (best friend is actually a year older, but DDs never really noticed that)
Normally I hate the idea of role models, but in this case, just seeing someone your size just getting on with it seems to help.
( older siblings don't work because they are clearly older!)

PinkSchmoo · 25/07/2011 05:05

Should we start a support thread of potty trainers with newborns? Starting to get bit better after week 1 but still bloody loathsome.

CalmaLlamaDown · 25/07/2011 07:37

forget about boot camp, stick on a pull up and go out and have fun. She will get it in her own time, more important to enjoy the summer. We waited until ds was 3 and he just 'got it' and was dry and clean almost immediately, honestly we only had a couple of accidents as he was ready

mummytime · 25/07/2011 07:57

Have to agree, leave it! My DC now 15, 12 and 8. I stressed most with the eldest, and they took the longest to "get it". The next two I waited until they were ready. Second went from nappies to totally dry in 1 week (using toilet as didn't like potties). Third seemed she would never get it, but then again it all happened very fast.
I used pull ups. I didn't carry a potty around. I didn't stay home. I also didn't do bare bum, as I didn't want them weeing on our nice rugs (no carpets just some very nice rugs).

New borns can be easy to train, but then when they get older they have control and can use it. Children can be toilet trained at 1 year 18 months then totally revert at 2 or 2 1/2.

This will not be a problem at 18 years old.

yellowsubmarine41 · 25/07/2011 08:12

Agree with putting her back in nappies.

Yes, she's ready physically but not psychologically which is probably connected to her 10 week old sibling.

My dd was using her potty quite reliably before ds was born when she was 2.2. She then absolutely refused for 7 months, decided she was ready and did it in a day.

I figured all that 'holding on' was good bladder control and indeed it was as we skipped the taking dry clothes out with us, carrying a potty around and asking if she needed a wee every 5 minutes stages completely.

happy2bhomely · 25/07/2011 08:57

I have never understood potty training. Youngest (17m) is still in nappies but the others were dry day and night just after they turned 3. I just took the nappies off at 3 and they went on the toilet. I never did reward charts or stickers. If more people accepted that most kids are ready nearer 3 than 2 then they would save themselves so much stress.

The same goes for weaning. I never did baby food. Mine sat at the table with us as soon as they could sit up, and if they wanted to eat they did. If not, they just played with the food and had milk as usual. They all eat really well now. The little one was eating sushi last week, he just didn't like the wasabi!

Maybe I have just been very lucky, but it makes me realise why some people say "4 kids! How do you manage?"-I took the easy option and didn't bother with all the fuss.

littleducks · 25/07/2011 09:13

I disagree totally with the wait till they are 3 approach, perhaps it is just my kids by they are far easier to convince to try/bribe when they are younger......and they have smaller bladders too! My ds is 3.3 now, there is noway I would contemplate having to potty train him now, thankfully that was last summers project.

My advice is to stick with it and remember that when it is iver they will be no more pooey nappy changes, newborn poo is inoffensive but toddler poo....YUCK!

HairyGrotter · 25/07/2011 10:13

DD is 3 and being toilet trained (we by-passed the potty) and it is an utter ballache, hate every bloody moment of it. She's a stubborn old mule (like me) and knows exactly how to do it, when to do, but it's whether she can be arsed.

I hated weaning also, and generally the newborn phase. Roll on the teenage years!

Chandon · 25/07/2011 10:15

Just keep her outside as much as pos, and let her walk around with just pants, no trousers/skirts, so you don't have piles of laundry.

I used to give mine a smartie every time they did a successful wee on the potty.

worked a treat, but yes, there were a fair few accidents.

just think how NICE it'll be to have no more diapers!!!

mummytime · 25/07/2011 11:02

If you do it at 3, theywant to do it. There is no bribery needed. That's why we say wait, until they want to. (Also if you can skip potties it is much nicer.)

choceyes · 25/07/2011 11:22

Reading this thread with interest and horror! I don't want to do potty training...can't they just wear nappies for ever.......!

I have a 2.8yr old and so far I have completely ignored this issue. DS is totally not ready, I don't think, and I am waiting till he is nearly 3. He goes to nursery 2 days a week and will be going 3 consecutive days from sept, so I am waiting till then, and for the nursery staff to make a start of it.

He will happily sit in a poo nappy all day if he could. He really doesn't seem to mind. It is going to be hard isnt' it..sigh.

I have a 11 month old too, so I am dreading all the accidents (in public expecially), having to find suitable loos, taking extra clothes, changing them...
and I thought life was difficult now. i think potty training will finish me off.

lukewarmmama · 25/07/2011 14:02

Gargh - to all those whose kids happily took to potty training at 3, that's great.

But, as with everything else in parenting (controlled crying, breastfeeding, time out step etc yawn etc), just because it worked for them/you, doesn't mean that applies to everyone, and its not helpful to be smug about it. Plus ime it'll come back to bite you on the bum when your child doesn't 'get' something that lots of other children breeze through.

I totally agree that you wait until they are ready (although you only really no in retrospect whether they truly are or not) - whether that is over 3 or not (there isn't some magic wand that is waved the day they turn 3!) - but that doesn't necessarily mean its going to be easy. Just be grateful you had an easy time of it.

If you need convincing, pop over to the potty training board and read some of the threads of those who are still going with children 4+ (haven't looked in a while, but there were when we were doing it).

lukewarmmama · 25/07/2011 14:04

know in retrospect. Bit tired today...

mummytime · 25/07/2011 14:43

I wasn't being smug about 3, and eldest was probably older (youngest did make me wonder if we'd have succeeded by school) , but older is better/easier.
BTW two of my kids are on the SEN register too! (One is also G and T.)
All kids struggle with something, all kids are great at something.
I just think worrying this much at 2 or 2 1/2 is too young, and I really wouldn't want to be carrying a potty with me to the library as a friend was.

littleducks · 25/07/2011 15:39

Neither of mine would have wanted to at 3, they both enjoyed to be contrary more than anything else! They were both much more easy to please and keen for parental approval at 2 Hmm but as i said perhaps that is just mine.

I did also use disposable nappies and would have felt very guilty about another whole years worth of nappies in landfill.

But I agree, skipping potties is best, I only ever used a toilet, with a trainer seat to begin with.

Nancy66 · 25/07/2011 15:53

Potties are bloody awful things - don't understand why people use them.

just put them on the loo

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 25/07/2011 16:30

I am refusing to potty train DS (3.7) until he wants to. We've tried since he turned 3 and he just gets really upset when he wets himself - to the extent that he refuses to wear underpants or go without a nappy. .

But he always asks to go to the loo to do a poo - and that's straight onto the big loo, he's never done a poo in his potty. He does have one - has had it for a year now, I think - and has done wees in it but only when I've got his nappy off and suggested he has a go. He's very good at emptying it too! He likes to play at sitting on the potty when I'm on the loo, so he's got all the basics sorted - just not the actual "go without the nappy and do wees on the potty all the time" thing.

To be fair, he still can't take his trousers off reliably so there's little point in making him potty train until he can - we're working on that too but he's a real "can't do it" boy at the moment (which is bloody frustrating!)

DS's potty has a lid and doubles as a step, so it has other uses - he rather likes it.

MrsTumbles · 25/07/2011 16:34

Wow, I could have written the OP virtually word-for-word! My DD is 2.10 and is brilliant at going to the loo at Nursery and my Mums house, but will not go at home.
I tried her just in pants yesterday, sat her on the loo for quite a while, she was adamant she didn't need to go, went downstairs and did the most amazing amount of wee all over the (thankfully tiled!) kitchen floor (I didn't think it was possible for one so small to produce so much!)
The thing that 'stresses' me is that I have followed advice to wait for her wanting to use the loo (she wouldn't entertain the idea of a potty). She said she wanted to be a 'Big Girl' like her friends at Nursery (she goes 2 days a week), and the staff at her Nursery said she seemed ready to try, so its not like I'm forcing her, but she just doesn't seem to like my toilet!
Today we went out and bought stickers and pretty card for a reward chart which I've just put up in the bathroom, I'll see how that goes...

Esta3GG · 25/07/2011 16:42

The best advice I ever got on potty training is not to try it too early - otherwise it'll drive you round the bend.

I left it till they were at least 3 and it was all done and dusted in a couple of weeks.

Nurseries and playgroups that place stipulations on children being dry by some arbitrary certain age create undue pressures on people. Kids will do it in their own time - if you follow their lead life is so much less stressful.

Journey · 25/07/2011 16:48

Agree with Esta3GG. Not trying too early and following their lead is definately the way to go.

caramellokoalalover · 25/07/2011 17:05

YANBU and yes we certainly need a thread for those toilet training toddlers with a newborn to contend with too! DS (2.7) declared last week that he doesn't want to wear nappies anymore. Shame he's not using the ptty yet either Grin. Many, many, many piddle puddles and nice surprises have been cleaned and I have mastered the art of cleaning them whilst wearing DD in sling.