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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to thoroughly detest potty training?

130 replies

DMCWelshCakes · 22/07/2011 17:59

DiddyDragon is 2.10 and has been dry at nursery (pretty much) for a few months now. Sadly for us, she's refusing to cooperate at home. Today was day one of home toilet bootcamp & I'm completely fucked off with the whole thing already. She's obviously ready as does it no problem at nursery, so why the hell won't she replicate this success when she leaves there?

Accidents - 2, including one 30 seconds after promising faithfully she didn't need to go.

Successful use of toilet - zero.

This would seem to suggest she's deliberately holding it so as not to have to go.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

OP posts:
Lisatheonewhoeatsdrytoast · 26/07/2011 09:01

I've still to do my DS he's 2.7, and i've said after we come back our hols in Sept we'll give it a go and since DH is off at that time, it might help. He'll go periodically during the day to his toilet seat, but he'll scream blue murder if i try to make him poo on toilet, so hence still in nappies! Hmm

BrainSurgeon · 26/07/2011 11:08

Grin @ lost poo

Reading with interest as DS will be 3 next month but shows no interest whatsoever in potty training. Refuses to sit on potty or loo, even with the Thomas the Tank engine training seat... and happily sits in his own poo until the whiff alerts us... :(

B52s · 26/07/2011 13:09

Never bothered to 'train' DS1, just waited and encoraged him. Happened just shy of 4, but rarely has accidents.

InnocentRedhead · 26/07/2011 13:28

Can sort of sympathise with everybody, but also I can't in a way... My DSD is 2.3 and ready, we know she is ready because we are currently potty training at the moment and it is going very successfully, she HATED nappies! 3 accidents on floor in 3 days, she doesn't like the potty, just toilet. She lets us know when she needs it, by going weewee or clutching at herself.

It is me, my partner (her dad), and my sister are doing this. We do not have her mother's (RP) co-operation on this... She stopped doing it after the first accident on the floor, she was ready to toilet-train after she went back last time. Don't know the full side of the story though, but was a lot like she couldn't be bothered (much like other things that she does)

Routine we use is take her at set times - such as when got up, after breakfast, before getting dressed, after lunch, when woke up from nap (wears nappy to sleep), before dinner, before bath, when in PJs and straight before bed. and at regular intervals between. take a book, sing some songs, clapping songs etc. As everyone has said it varies for everyone

Proud moment came yesterday when we went out of house for afternoon and she refused a nappy to put on! Told us when she needed a wee and was having doggy weewees at the side of the road!

I know we aren't out of the woods yet, and she isn't fully trained, she may turn into typical toddler tomorrow and refuse everything, but i think she has taken well to it. Wishing everyone the best of luck. All i can say is wait until they are ready and do it how it least stresses you and thus your toddler.

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 26/07/2011 14:37

Wow, 4 pages and no one has mentioned EC yet...

5moreminutes · 26/07/2011 15:27

I agree with Dancergirl - if you wait til they're ready it only takes a few days (well touch wood - has worked this way with my older 2, one girl one boy, have one more boy to go but he's only 3 months old!).

Bare bum at home and no pants just loose shorts when out is what worked for us. My theory after ds had a couple of accidents was the briefs feel too much like a nappy - I never stayed home and only carried a potty when out with bike and trailer or car, didn't cart it into buildings or around town etc.

I never did the put them on the loo/ potty every x minutes and dd got very annoyed when I asked her constantly if she needed to go - so now I don't have to remind them to go at certain times, they know when they need to!

DD was 2.7 when she stopped wearing nappies and ds 2.9 - ds went dry at night of his own accord (and to my surprise) at the same time and has never worn a nappy since, and has only had one wet bed ever! I actively night trained dd as she had been dry in the day for over year but should perhaps just have waited til she initiated that too as she did have night accidents once or twice a week for months, and for me that was the only bad part of toilet training - I did start thinking she was doing it deliberately for a nightime chat while I changed the sheets!

EssentialFattyAcid · 26/07/2011 18:26

Pottytraining was a big lowlight of parenthood for me too Grin

kimdeal · 26/07/2011 19:10

LieIns re your comment on Elimination Communication, prior to junior's birth, I bought 'Diaper Free'. (Idea is that with the right tuned-in 'communication' your child sd never need to wear a nappy.) Yeah right. Love to know if anyone managed that - newborns' nappies are something to behold. Or maybe not.

kimdeal · 26/07/2011 19:10

(Diaper Free being a book, I sd add.)

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 26/07/2011 19:45

Put it off for a few months if you have a newborn. Let her get used to the new baby first. And all of you time to settle down with everything new.
As you say "Life's hard enough with a newborn as it is"

The secret to easier toilet training is leave it longer!

Original poster
DMCWelshCakes · 26/07/2011 19:52

OK. What gets wee out of sofas?

(Nursery sent her home without a nappy & DH got stuck in traffic. She was just settling down to watch some telly & bingo.)

OP posts:
Original poster
DMCWelshCakes · 26/07/2011 19:53

About this leaving it longer thing - does that still apply when you KNOW she's been dry at nursery for months?

OP posts:
ditziness · 26/07/2011 20:08

fuck potty training and fuck EC. I know not where i am at atall

ds ECed from 9 months, by his lead as he wouldn't poo in his nappy atall and i bought a potty rather than cleaning the changing table constantly. By about one he was doing the majority of his wees in the potty, by a combination of timing, reading his signals and him waiting till his nappy off to wee.He continued this way until he learnt to walk at 22 months, than had a bit of a rebellion for a month then back on it. He's now 28 months and a month ago I ditched the nappies as he's been dry and clean in nappies for months and was asking for pants. But in the last month since he's been in pants, he's now pooing in his pants atleast once a day, for the first time since he was 9 months and today I got through 7 pairs of wet pants and trousers. I could weep. I know not what to do. I know not whether he is ready or not. I'm thoroughly fed up!

i hate poo and wee and washing and puddles

pinkapples · 26/07/2011 21:23

Children do regress if they are toilet trained too early stick with It, keep doing hat you have always done. It shouldnt last long

notcitrus · 26/07/2011 21:45

Another one in the middle of it here.
Ds is 2.11, has mastered holding on for ages, sitting on the potty and weeing/pooing, sometimes even does it in the toilet. He can also pull his pants and trousers down and up (tried a few months back when nursery thought he was ready, but it became clear he physically couldn't do that, so we practised a lot before trying again).

After some delightful incidents he now also knows to sit far back enough on the potty that the wee goes into it, and to pull pants down far enough that the poo doesn't go into them.

However - does he actually give a toss about not weeing in his pants? Not until it happens. My aunt (with seven kids) said that letting him run around without pants is the answer as children hate weeing on themselves but kid themselves pants/trousers are like a nappy. Seems to work, but I can't take him out of the house bottomless!

Only thing that helps is reminder that each day counts one sticker on his scooter chart - this is day 9, day 21 gets a scooter - but this is more that I want him to have a scooter! Though he really wants it too. All the other toddlers at nursery are toilet trained so we thought peer pressure might help (young kids will come into his room in Sept), but he swears blind they all wear nappies (none do!)

He just doesn't see why he can't have a nice fluffy nappy - I've told him his favourites are all too small. Maybe it's a side effect of lovely washable nappies?

Suspect after the scooter chart he may use nappies sometimes for going out etc for a while. If nursery want to deal with him soiling, given he doesn't seem to care, that's their problem!

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 26/07/2011 22:58

I really hated toilet training so with DD1, after quite a bit of stress and accidents, I left it for longer and found it much easier later - a few months after DS joined us (was trying to "get her out of nappies" before new baby arrived - when she was 2.6 yrs)

With DS I took the really laid back lazy route, and didn't do much till he went to nursery at 4 Blush
With their support and encouragement he was toilet trained in about a week, with only a couple of accidents - straight into dry at night too !
You may be shocked by my tardy approach, but I don't really see it did him any harm. In fact I'm sure it must have been better for him than DD's experience of stressed out mother.

poshme · 26/07/2011 23:05

my DS was clean and dry at home from 3 when he decided.
BUT would not go at nursery AT ALL on the loo/ potty nor at anyone else's house. FOR A YEAR!
Would just wet/soil himself. "Potty training" was hardest thing we had to get through. No accidents at home,but would have them constantly anywhere else unless wearing nappies. He didnt care if he was wearing nappies and no-one else was. He just didn't like other people's loos.
Really stressful.
I hated it. I screamed, I shouted, I bribed, I cajoled, I used stickers, chocolate, peer pressure...
Finally (using chocolate) convinced him to sit on another loo.
Took more chocolate to get a wee.

I was dreading the start of school. He was 4.7 and was by then using loos anywhere but only if they "didnt look funny" or "were the wrong colour/ shape". Thank goodness - one accident at school (which I wept over) and none since.
The hardest thing I ever had to do was help him get over whatever it was that was the problem. (we never knew what the probem was)

My DD "potty trained" herself overnight at 2.9 by stating no more nappies and that was it.
I treated them the same.
IMVHO if they need to wear nappies for a while - then go with it. I accepted that, and it made life just less stressful. Yes, frustrating knowing that they have control when they want, but they're choosing not to, but sometimes you have to go with the flow (hate that phrase!) and say to yourself "IT WILL PASS!"

babybarrister · 26/07/2011 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

disguisedeb · 26/07/2011 23:21

Day 3 here with ds3 aged 3.1, and just like someone else said I am finding it like having a newborn, trying to fit things in between wees like fitting things in between feeds.

love the lost poo story

mummytime · 27/07/2011 06:36

Oh one thing I did with DC2 was sing "Twinkle Twinkle" and she had to sit on the toilet for the whole song before wriggling away. It worked as she quickly go the idea.
The only problem was going to Toddlers where that song had a Pavlovian response from my bladder.

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 27/07/2011 11:30

OK, I didn't exactly EC and I didn't buy a book - I just followed my mum's advice and put babies on potties at change time and if they looked like they were going to poo and at certain times like just after food, from about the time they could sit up - 5 months-ish.

I don't want to boast about the results but I was very pleased and went through none of this hell you describe above.

It is my honest belief, not judgy or smug opinion, that we are all being brainwashed into 'leaving it longer' which suits the nappy multinationals very well. Of course dc will be ok in the end, when we have spent twice as much as necessary on filling landfills with chemicals and plastic and poo.

My advice to those with 2-4 year olds who are expecting a second one or have a newborn now would be to consider the methods used in earlier generations for your next ones, as you are now obliged to wait until your current toddlers are willing and/or 'ready'. I am sure the bare bum and warmer summer weather might help. Good luck!

kimdeal · 27/07/2011 12:50

LieIns - that book I mentioned argues that, with tuned in EC, newborns they can be 'diaper free' from the start. And I am sure some can. Indeed, I remember going to Boots days before junior arrived and thinking 'do I really need to buy two for a special offer?'. Ah yes. Heh heh.
However, I totally agree with you that children were out of nappies much earlier in the past - I recall reading that 80% were nappy free by a year in 1900. 14 months and I've not sat him on the loo/potty once. Anyway, ta, I think I might follow your approach.

ditziness · 27/07/2011 13:14

lie ins, i would have totally agreed with you a month or two ago, but as I said above I've been following your exact approach and now potty training is driving me mental. No approach is one baby fits all and EC isn't early potty training, but a method of keeping your baby cleaner, using less waste and doing less washing. If your baby's out of nappies early, than I doubt it's to do with EC, but is more to do with your baby.
If I had another baby, I don't think I could not EC, but I know now that it's not different to any other approach in terms of a baby not naeeding nappies anymore. The baby decides that

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 27/07/2011 13:20

ditziness I do agree there is an element of luck and you can't guarantee anything. A period of illness, trauma or major change could cause a regression. I was lucky both times with my girl and boy. It is probably just a blip and you will be through it soon.

I just feel if people don't try it, they will never know, will they? And I do think there is a 'conspiracy' and certain childcare experts are, shall we say, sponsored by nappy producers.

kimdeal · 27/07/2011 13:28

purdy sure you're right lieIns - almost like I just can't face starting. Was thinking I'd wait til he can walk - but see you did it at 5mths. Out of interest, by 14 mths were you using a potty or one of those loo seat thingies?