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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel totally pissed off with parents who let their kids have FB pre 13?!

78 replies

slightlyunbalanced · 19/07/2011 18:25

DD is 11 (August baby) so nearly a yr younger than some others in her year but obviously none of them are 13.

She goes up to senior school in September. Most of her mates have FB and working within the school environment I know how much hassle it causes and have told all my kids they have to wait until they are 13 to have a FB account.

Her 13 yr old brother had to wait (although he is a September baby).

DD's (12 yr old) friend has taken a load of pictures of DD and her 9 yr old brother at school in uniform clearly identifying which school they go to and has plastered them all over her FB naming them both.

AIBU to feel really pissed off and about this as I hate them having pictures with their uniform on FB as its bloody dangerous.

Or should I just chill out?!

OP posts:

worraliberty · 19/07/2011 18:27

I'd chill out about the photos unless you're under some sort of witness protection programme.

Also, why would it cause less 'hassle' if the kids were 13 as opposed to 11 or 12?

Bear in mind, the rule is only 13 because FB are not allowed to collect info/store it on kids under that age.

MissPenteuth · 19/07/2011 18:29

As long as the privacy settings are set to friends only the photos won't be visible to just anyone. But whether or not a 13yo would think to change their privacy settings is another matter. If you know the parents, maybe you could have a word with them?

bibbitybobbityhat · 19/07/2011 18:29

Yanbu - I totally agree with you. I just can't understand why so-called educated people think it isn't such a big deal. I am so very deeply judgey about the parents of my dd's peer group (Yr 5, age 9 - 10) whose children are already on facebook. Why, why, why, why???

JamieAgain · 19/07/2011 18:29

I'm with you. Some parents seem not to have thought very hard about it, though - haven't helped their DCs use the right privacy settings, let them put inappropriate pictures on there etc etc

I think FB is a big pile of poo. The whole idea of teens, who are in general not the most confident, measure their worth by amassing "friends" makes my teeth itch.

4madboys · 19/07/2011 18:29

well my ds1 is almost 12 he is just finishing his first year of high school (aug born like yours) and i wont let him use fb, despite 'all' his friends doing so.

they have the 13 age limit for a reason.

and i choose which pictures or not of my kids to put on fb and i would be annoyed at anyone else putting pics up of them onto the internet, i am careful with my security settings etc i dont imagine a 12yr old is.

i would even go as far as asking the parent to remove the offending pics.

AuntiePickleBottom · 19/07/2011 18:30

i don't see the big deal with pre teens having a facebook account.

worraliberty · 19/07/2011 18:30

It's fantastic for yr 6 kids when they're leaving Junior school. They can keep in touch with their friends who are going to a different senior school to them.

Also, the games are quite good.

JamieAgain · 19/07/2011 18:30

And I agree with 4mad boys - ask them to take the pictures off.

Original poster

slightlyunbalanced · 19/07/2011 18:30

It is dangerous though - all they need it to get chatting to or connect with one dodgy person and they can easily locate where the kids are if they know which school they are at - and dodgy people do target kids on the net.

I work with PCSO's who deliver CEOP training sometimes

OP posts:

goinnowhere · 19/07/2011 18:30

Tend to agree with you. It makes it so much harder to hold firm on things when other people are giving in.

cricketballs · 19/07/2011 18:31

I would just chill a bit; if it ins't fb, then its MSM or myspace, text messages etc which can cause problems. unless someone is specifically looking for your DC then their photo in their uniform on fb is not likely to cause any damage

otchayaniye · 19/07/2011 18:32

I find adults who use facebook wearying enough....

JamieAgain · 19/07/2011 18:32

I am a bit funny about photos online. I would like to be asked if it's OK to put them on. Am not i a witness protection programme, I just think it's rude

4madboys · 19/07/2011 18:33

they can play plenty of games from free websites without being on fb, they have the rule for a reason.

my son has a mobile to keep in touch with friends if he wishes and they see each other at school, clubs etc they dont need fb and i dont see that it is suitable for their age group tbh.

my parnter works in ss and has seen how it can be misused etc and there is no way my children will be allowed to use it underage and once they are old enough there will be strict rules and very high security settings.

4madboys · 19/07/2011 18:34

jamie i agree, i veto my photos and set my settings high, i would never put a pic of someone elses kids up without asking them first and i expect the same courtesy to be shown to myself and my children.

bibbitybobbityhat · 19/07/2011 18:34

Of course I am worried about the dangers of children being a target for paedophiles on the internet, but of equal concern to me is that children do not have the emotional maturity to conduct themselves on facebook properly. The bullying that goes on is horrendous. Look at the threads on here, fgs, with adults fretting/feeling sad/going bananas over this or that they have seen on facebook.

JamieAgain · 19/07/2011 18:35

bibbity - me too. I think it can be very damaging. Adults can't seem to handle it well. What hope do teens have?

Malcontentinthemiddle · 19/07/2011 18:36

You keep saying there's a reason, 4mad, but what do you think it is?

I let both mine on before 13, I think it must be awful to be the last allowed. As long as you ratchet the security settings up, and you emphasise common sense rules, I don't see a problem.

In a way I think a 15 year old can be more at risk from online dangers than a ten year old.

brass · 19/07/2011 18:40

can you guarantee that cricketballs? Kids have hundreds of friends on FB, they add friends of friends they might have chatted to briefly on a friend's page without having any idea who they really are.

Also it's taking a parental decision out of the parent's hands.

I have few FB pics up of my DC and they are only viewable by certain people. Being this cautious I would be displeased to find someone else had plastered pics of them without my permission - for anyone to see.

Don't be naive about predators on the internet people. These are exactly the kind of accounts they would be looking at.

manicinsomniac · 19/07/2011 18:40

Facebook doesn't become magically less dangerous at 13 than it is at 12.

If used sensibly then it is not dangerous. Most schools brief children and parents very clearly on how to set up their privacy and how to communicate on it.

DragonAlley · 19/07/2011 18:40

YABU in your thread title, but not about the photos particularly.

DSs both have it (they're 10 and 12). I set the accounts up, I set the privacy settings and they had a long lecture about only accepting friend requests from people they actually know. TBH, nether of them appear interested - I check their accounts occasionally. We have the condition that they have it but I remain a friend and they do not change their passwords.

It has meant DS1 has kept in touch with his primary school friends which is nice.

ravenAK · 19/07/2011 18:41

If you don't know what you're doing in terms of security settings, & can't educate your kids in sensible internet use, then it's probably not a good idea to allow them on FB.

Just be aware that they'll possibly set up an account you don't know about as soon as your back is turned.

My own solution is to monitor it carefully, but each to their own.

I think you're verging on BU by being pissed off with other people's parenting decisions, though. What's so difficult about 'Well X's mummy may allow X to do , but I don't agree with it & you won't be doing it'?

OldRedEyes · 19/07/2011 18:42

you say they arent allowed fb on their computers

do you check their internet capable phones as well?

cricketballs · 19/07/2011 18:44

Malcontentinthemiddle I agree with you; my DC have fb accounts but for the youngest DS (is 12 with SEN) I have the password and I administer the account. He has one as he lives far from his school friends and they play games together etc online plus he can only use the computer in the living room therefore DH and myself are always in sight of what he is doing.

my eldest DS - 16 has had an account for a few years and although I don't have his password I am on his friends list and I check his profile everyday (and have told him off on his wall if he has used langauge I don't like . He did leave himself logged in once on the downstairs computer so I changed his MSM name and his FB to 'I love my mummy' his face was priceless!!

Malcontentinthemiddle · 19/07/2011 18:45

I don't comment on my older child's posts online, but I have been known to tell her if I think she's been unpleasant or harsh or said something which might have unintended consequences. Micromanage, me?

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