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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel totally pissed off with parents who let their kids have FB pre 13?!

78 replies

slightlyunbalanced · 19/07/2011 18:25

DD is 11 (August baby) so nearly a yr younger than some others in her year but obviously none of them are 13.

She goes up to senior school in September. Most of her mates have FB and working within the school environment I know how much hassle it causes and have told all my kids they have to wait until they are 13 to have a FB account.

Her 13 yr old brother had to wait (although he is a September baby).

DD's (12 yr old) friend has taken a load of pictures of DD and her 9 yr old brother at school in uniform clearly identifying which school they go to and has plastered them all over her FB naming them both.

AIBU to feel really pissed off and Angry about this as I hate them having pictures with their uniform on FB as its bloody dangerous.

Or should I just chill out?! Confused

OP posts:
ManicMiner · 19/07/2011 18:46

I think Facebook is one of the worst inventions in the history of the world. I'm just glad I'm old enough to be able to not have an account and it not be thought of as strange.

brass · 19/07/2011 18:47

some ex-classmates got suspended recently for FB bullying another ex-classmate. Lots of history. Really vicious and full of threats.

Feeling awful about being last on it is not the same as feeling awful having become a victim as a result of it don't you think?

Children aren't allowed all sorts of things that their peers might be. Late bedtimes, independence, unhealthy lunches, console games etc This is just another 'thing' don't give it more importance than that.

OddBoots · 19/07/2011 18:47

I would rather my (under 13) children had facebook now and were properly monitored and shown safe, respectful and thoughtful ways to use it than for them to suddenly have free access to it a 13 just as they are the age when they think they know it all.

It is easy to monitor a facebook account on behalf of your children, the accounts are registered with email addresses that forward everything to their dad and myself. I am far more worried about young pre-teens and teens having blackberry phones and the rather more secret networking and bullying that is happening through BB messaging.

Original poster
slightlyunbalanced · 19/07/2011 18:50

They don't have internet cabable phone or their own computers. My DS has FB on the condition I am his friend and that I have his password (I never check it but could if I needed to).

My kids are internet wise - I just don't want somone else plastering pictures of my 9 yr old particually all over FB in his uniform.

I have pictures of my kids on FB but my security settings are high - but people seem to be fooled into thinking if you have high security settings then its all ok.

Its not - esp if others are putting your kids all over the net Confused

OP posts:
redfoxy · 19/07/2011 18:51

It all depends I think. Both ss and sd are on it, ages 14 and 12. When we created accounts for them we lived very far apart from their other family, so originally it was for keeping in touch with them.

Of course it has spiralled into a whole new dimension and we've had constant disagreements about the content and what they share. Their security settings are the tightest they can be and well, we snoop audit their account regularly, and pull them up when we find stuff on there that is questionable. And we find stuff all the time... swearing, mature material etc.

In fact, now that I write this I think it's been more trouble than it's worth but I guess there's no going back now. Hindsight, I'd hold off, I will definitely for the younger two.

zukiecat · 19/07/2011 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamieAgain · 19/07/2011 19:03

Malcontent - that is what I will do.

My DCs can chat to other pupils in their (primary school) class, on the Learning Platform, and even though it is monitored by teachers, I still check what and how they are writing. they are not mature enough to think through the full implications of what and how they say things. they need telling guidance. Fortunately, the initial thrill has worn off, so I'm hoping they won't care much about FB

feckwit · 19/07/2011 19:09

I'd rather they got it at that age when I can teach them the ground rules and how to be cyber safe...

ravenAK · 19/07/2011 19:11

Well, that's the other thing - VLEs/Learning Platforms are becoming increasingly common in schools. Which should take most of the illicit glamour out of FB!

Malcontentinthemiddle · 19/07/2011 19:19

When my daughter went through a bad patch a few months ago, the face to face interaction, or lack of, was worse than anything that happened on facebook. If a child is being bullied, that's awful whether it happens online or not.

I don't think facebook is the cause of bullying, it's just - unfortunately- a way in which bullies can operate in addition to the old methods we're all familiar with.

And it's not just about being 'last' - it's about how easy it is to click on names for a chat, or to invite people to a party, or an outing, or to join in more harmless chat and gossip, when you're all on facebook, and how equally easy it is to become hopelessly out of the loop if you're not.

JamieAgain · 19/07/2011 19:26

ravenAK - I hope so. My heart sank when I realised there would be a Chat facility - it seemed to me it was suggesting that FB was a "necessary". I'm hoping it will prove to be a bit boring, and be a safe way to start thinking about e-safety in practice. For instance DS2 had not realised all classes can read each others discussions.

Original poster
slightlyunbalanced · 19/07/2011 19:26

www.thinkuknow.co.uk/

This is a really good site for any parents who want more info btw.

OP posts:
brass · 19/07/2011 19:30

'And it's not just about being 'last' - it's about how easy it is to click on names for a chat, or to invite people to a party, or an outing, or to join in more harmless chat and gossip, when you're all on facebook, and how equally easy it is to become hopelessly out of the loop if you're not.'

They're equally scary reasons too if you think about it. What 'loop' does a child that age 'hopelessly' miss out on?

With DS1 approx 60% of his tutor group are on FB. With DS2 only 20% and interestingly they are kids I'm glad he's not close friends with!

pointydog · 19/07/2011 19:31

It is now so widespread for children to be on facebook, that the 13 age limit is an irrelevance. I don't think there is a compelling reason for anyone to stick to the age limit, I mean how does it help?

I think it's mor e improtant to make sure your children are using facebook as sensibly and safely as they can.

Original poster
slightlyunbalanced · 19/07/2011 19:43

I think it helps because the school ask you to adhere to it and I do not think we should teach kids to be "net safe" but allow them to break the rules - that kind of gives out a really mixed message does it not?

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 19/07/2011 19:44

If your kids are above 6 they are too old to be targetted.

Seriously I would chill out.

Original poster
slightlyunbalanced · 19/07/2011 19:46

"If your kids are above 6 they are too old to be targetted."

What. The. Fuck?!

OP posts:
nojustificationneeded · 19/07/2011 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamieAgain · 19/07/2011 19:49

Fabby - what on earth are you taking about? What about the 13 year old girls who've been persuaded to go out and meet what turn out to be 40 year old men?

brass · 19/07/2011 19:50

@ Fabby ....oh dear

nojustificationneeded · 19/07/2011 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Malcontentinthemiddle · 19/07/2011 19:51

Well, meh. I think it's fine if you and they are sensible, and I don't see the need to look down on anyone for using it. I hope you manage to keep your kids away from the popular ones for as long as possible brass!

It's not 'scary' to say that a child might like to be in on the invites, the chat and the gossip. Those are normal things that normal children enjoy.

brass · 19/07/2011 19:56

there is no consistency is there?

we complain about the sexualisation of children

we go on about stranger danger

then we shove them into the arena

they are too young for this kind of socialisation. They are still learning real life skills!

As someone else said adults come a cropper on FB!

JamieAgain · 19/07/2011 19:56

nojust - yes, one of my DSs was chatting on MoshiMonsters, and got some lewd messages from an apparently 11 year old girl. Good boy that he is, he came to me, but not before he'd replied to some of the ("What do you mean ? "). Had no idea there was chat on this site. Lesson learned

Malcontentinthemiddle · 19/07/2011 19:58

'shove them into the arena'? How hysterical.