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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel totally pissed off with parents who let their kids have FB pre 13?!

78 replies

slightlyunbalanced · 19/07/2011 18:25

DD is 11 (August baby) so nearly a yr younger than some others in her year but obviously none of them are 13.

She goes up to senior school in September. Most of her mates have FB and working within the school environment I know how much hassle it causes and have told all my kids they have to wait until they are 13 to have a FB account.

Her 13 yr old brother had to wait (although he is a September baby).

DD's (12 yr old) friend has taken a load of pictures of DD and her 9 yr old brother at school in uniform clearly identifying which school they go to and has plastered them all over her FB naming them both.

AIBU to feel really pissed off and Angry about this as I hate them having pictures with their uniform on FB as its bloody dangerous.

Or should I just chill out?! Confused

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 19/07/2011 20:00

I really can't see any need for anyone of primary school age to be anywhere near Facebook. Giving a 9 year old a FB account doesn't make them "savvy", it just introduces them into a world they aren't ready to cope with.

usualsuspect · 19/07/2011 20:01

I think its far more important to teach your children about internet safety than to ban things like fb completely

JamieAgain · 19/07/2011 20:02

Anyone want to challenge my assumption that girls are more into FB than boys, on average ?

ragged · 19/07/2011 20:02

It would not bother me in the least to have pix of Dc under 13yo in school uniform on FB. I can't agree that that is inherently dangerous. Pix of them in uniform, sometimes with full names, appear in the local press, too.

Having own FB account is different, mine won't have them for a long while yet either.

brass · 19/07/2011 20:02

haha! Malcontent 'popular' indeed. That is just the sort of saddo thinking I hope my DC stay away from. We don't give a shit about 'popular' round here.

In a full class of an inner city school, guess what? there are some undesirable children and I am glad they are not on my child's radar.

DS1 is in a streamed class so he has more in common with his classmates and it doesn't affect his 'popular' status which some parents are so worried about. Hmm

JamieAgain · 19/07/2011 20:06

I like unpopular children more, on the whole. They are often the ones with original ideas and creative minds. Sadly, children don't have the maturity to agree

brass · 19/07/2011 20:07

not in the local press without your permission though.

bibbitybobbityhat · 19/07/2011 20:08

Children are NOT inherently sensible enough to use facebook wisely or appropriately, so if you allow them to have an account then you have to devote yet more of your precious free time to policing them imho. Else you get the nasty little glitches that are the subject of the op of this thread. Hold out for as long as you can, I say.

OldRedEyes · 19/07/2011 20:08

this looks an interesting film \bout internet grooming from david schwimmer (trailer on link)

Trust

cricketballs · 19/07/2011 20:13

the chat facility on fb only allows you to chat with your confirmed friends and not just anyone therefore if you monitor the fb account then they are not just chatting to anyone but people they know

cat64 · 19/07/2011 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

brass · 19/07/2011 20:18

in the same vein do your adult friends sit around your house having very adult conversations in front of your children?

because once you add adult friends (aunties, uncles etc) then their friends conversations are often visible.

usualsuspect · 19/07/2011 20:23

If you know how to use facebook you can add people but block them from seeing your adult conversations

So a bit of internet savvy goes a long way

brass · 19/07/2011 20:26

what fun to be had doing that admin everyday - not a chore at all.

DS1's friends have literally hundreds of friends added. His year group alone has a couple of hundred kids in it.

OK if you have the time and inclination I guess.

usualsuspect · 19/07/2011 20:28

It doesn't take long if you know how to do it

cat64 · 19/07/2011 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Thruaglassdarkly · 19/07/2011 20:31

I am a dreadful mother because my 7yo has a page PURELY so that she can play games on it - Pet Society, Baking Life etc - those little innocent games where you create virtual worlds etc. The privacy restrictions are set extremely high and she has no control over her site whatsoever, although I have added family to her friend list. I log her on and off so she can play her games and that's all. She's shown no interest whatsoever in the site other than the gaming aspect. I hope that as it's demystified in this way, she won't think of it as such a big deal when she's older. There is no personal info on her site either and her nickname is used instead of her real name.
As for photos, our primary school and playgroup make us sign something to promise we won't put photos of other kids on FB or other social networking sites, let alone tagging them. I guess this is too big an ask of a secondary school though.

Pandemoniaa · 19/07/2011 20:31

But why go to all that effort when you could wait until your children are of a more appropriate age to use Facebook? Makes no sense to me.

usualsuspect · 19/07/2011 20:33

Well thats my point really ...If your children use the internet its up to you to teach them how to use it safely

The internet is here to stay

Thruaglassdarkly · 19/07/2011 20:36

I might add, she doesn't even know she has a home page or a wall or a place to see other family members' statuses, as she only ever sees the game pages that she plays.

brass · 19/07/2011 20:37

really is it? Hmm gosh

Fifis25StottieCakes · 19/07/2011 20:38

My friend dd endured some serious bullying via FB. Arranging people to watch while they chinned her. Police were called last week, i said to friend take her off FB but she wont Confused

My dd's 9 and some of her friends have it. The school issue a letter after some of the 11 year olds started a 'I hate MR Jones' group. Headmistress said she would report anyone she found to be using it.

My dd wont be allowed a FB until she is senior school, most off the stuff on it is inappropriate IMO

Original poster
slightlyunbalanced · 19/07/2011 20:40

Hmmmmm...you can't "check in" at home/in bed etc in the local paper either Hmm

OP posts:
Thruaglassdarkly · 19/07/2011 20:41

It's not effort tho' Pandemonia. I am a FB gaming addict myself enjoy the odd game sometime myself, so it's easy to flick over the log in for my DD to play on hers. I even go on hers when she's not around sometimes, so that I can have more neighboursdon't let her play very often. Blush

bigTillyMint · 19/07/2011 20:41

Well each to their own, but we are not letting DD have Facebook yet (she is 12) and will only let her have it if she "friends" me and DH and gives us her password so we can check on her.

She seems fine with not having it yet - I think she is relieved that she doesn't have to get caught up in the one-upmanship / bullying, etc that goes on.

They had a very good workshop on communications technology and internet safety earlier this year at her school and ran one for parents which was really interesting too.

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