to think middle class parents, when shite, are a special sort of shite?

[CrapolaDeVille]

I am middle class, I think, but find the overtly 'darling, sweetie' set of parents particularly painful. Obviously bad/good parenting isn't reserved for any group or set, but I have only noticed middle class parents do the 'push my child first, I couldn't give a crap about fairness' sort of parenting.

EG. Today my 2yr old at a picnic with pre schoolers and their younger siblings. (dc4 was celebrating last day at preschool.) I gave dc5 my phone to flick through a story so I could eat my lunch and could stop running after him. Another child, boy aged 4, called (let's say) Jim wanted the phone. I said no as my dc was looking. He could look too. He tried to snatch making my dc5 upset (in that screamy frustrated 2 yr old way) Jim's mother says "you can share Darling" as Jim is crushing my child who is half his size, she deosn't ask him to get off. Now my dc is crying, she says "share Darling, come on" (I'm not sure who she is talking to) So then awkwardly I have to say "Jim you're crushing dc5", he tries to take the phone. So I put the phone back in my bag...."I want that phone" Jim says. I say "no it's away now". Jim pushes into me and punches me full force with both fists. Mother says FUCK ALL. Not five minutes later she tells him what " a good boy" he is and "so gorgeous" she could eat him Darling sweetie. She's so proud of his behaviour at the picnic,.

EG. DC5 gets scratched on the face with a stick, by a 4 yr old looking straight at me. Mother sort of shrugs and says nothing.

DC5 later on a bit cross and kicks a nearly empty bottle over, sheer naughtiness and devilment, before I can even speak mother of stick weilding child shouts "for goodness sake DC5" then spots me and says sorry. I was so fed up by this point that I just said "to be honest I expect nothing less from X parents" and left, in the knowledge that I'll never see them again.

EG Two little girls tell DC5 to get off trampoline saying 'it's ours get off', DC5 complies. Then I give him his football.....they come over shouting at him to share, but as he's only just got it he wanted to kick it first. I just found myself supporting my son in not sharing, even though I think it's important to share, I'm really cross with myself.

This is my last child. I have spent the last ten years watching my dcs play fair, take turns and be generally kind only to see the other mc brats not only put themselves first but parents whole heartedly endorse and encourage this behaviour.

I do know lots of other nice mc parents, but this type of parent is completely reserved for the middle class slightly older mother.(AGAIN to reiterate this is not all mc parents.)

yes, that's my point. It is nonsensical to make sweeping generalisations based on class.

I dont think so though dragon. If it was 'mc parents are all crap* I would be horrified.

But you are not likely to see a MC parent calling their child a little bastard and threatening violence. They may think it but they wont say it. That is a much more WC form of crap parenting.

Doesnt mean that all WC parents would do it but if you do see someone doing it the chances are the kids not called Hugo and the mum's not in a Cath Kidston tea dress.

Crap parenting is cross cultural and cross class but there are defininately different types of crapiness that are more perculiar to different types of people.

I also think "modern parenting" has been taken too far.
We have everybody telling us how to bring our children up, from government to to endless books on parenting advocating a very "relaxed" approach to rearing children.
It all seems so modern and updated, confusing minefield, no wonder we don't know what we are doing most of the time.

I agree thefirstMrsDeVere. I've noticed significant differences in the types of crapness when it comes to parenting, and it does seem to correlate with class. I think the MC kind of crapness is one you might call passive, which facilitates bad behaviour, whilst the WC kind of crapness tends to be aggressive, which can be bullying and demeaning. The problem is, an extreme of passivity is just as damaging to a child as an extreme of aggressiveness. Good parents, whatever their background, tend to establish a happy medium where the child knows where the line is and how they might cross it, but are not made to feel insecure or worthless for the sake of it.

oh do fuck off. they are annoying. dare say they find you annoying too. Kids can be crap, bad mannered, vicious etc etc. they are small people their parents can be equally annoying. Take a deep breath and turn the other way. pick your battles.