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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu my so called friends upset me

58 replies

par05 · 14/07/2011 22:42

2 of my friends are super health and safety especially with their children they both have 1 child each whereas i have 3 and i always have 1 or 2 extra children with me last year we went on a trip and this year my so called friend is saying she will only go if we don't take 12 kids when it was my 3 her 1 and 2 extra all over 6 except my youngest who is 3 i feel like telling her i know how to take care of my kids and their friends so i will go on my own. this is the 3rd or 4th time she has said things like this to me but when she needs something i'm the1st one to help her!! the other friend her family will say things about her child then she complains to me that her family say things but then she will say something to me about one of my kids and then i get upset all my kids are polite well mannered do well in school know how to behave in public and are respectfull to each other and adults when out at home diff story!!!!

OP posts:
wineandroses · 14/07/2011 22:54

Sorry but I don't really understand your question - it's written as one long sentence and I can't work out what you are asking. Can you clarify (and punctuate - not being judgemental but genuinely can't follow your 'stream of consciousness')?

ChaosTrulyReigns · 14/07/2011 22:55

breathe

ihatecbeebies · 14/07/2011 22:55

I am a bit confused sorry, what is their problem exactly with you, because you have more children than them?

AgentZigzag · 14/07/2011 22:55

Perhaps your first friend didn't feel able to deal with 6 DC all very excitedly jumping about on a day out?

If she's only got one, lots of DC together can be pretty overwhelming.

Your second friend calling someone on something they did but not realising she does it herself sounds pretty normal, I know a few people who do that.

I probably do it myself on occasion Grin

ihatecbeebies · 14/07/2011 22:56

or because you bring along DC's friends too when you meet with them?

Reality · 14/07/2011 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

takethisonehereforastart · 14/07/2011 22:59

So friend number 1, who has one child, feels that going out in a group with you, your three children and the two or three extra children that aren't yours but who will be coming with you is too much for her?

Do you take full control of all the children in your care all the time while she cares for just her one, or do you expect her to help out looking after all/some of them, even just for a few minutes etc?

Perhaps she feels that you and her, and your children and hers, are not getting the full benefit of spending time together while there are also two or three unrelated extra children making more work and more distractions for everyone.

And friend 2, also with only one child, gets upset if her family say negative things about her child but then she herself says negative things about yours? Is that right?

Valpollicella · 14/07/2011 23:02

With the greatest of respect OP, could you take another look at your post and punctuate/paragraph it?

I literally can't read it

Lucyinthepie · 14/07/2011 23:31

If you are saying that your friend is objecting to coming out with you in a situation where there will be 2 adults to 12 children then she's probably not being unreasonable.

Nanny0gg · 14/07/2011 23:31

Re-write for clarity.
Is this what you meant?

2 of my friends are super health and safety especially with their children. They both have 1 child each whereas i have 3 and i always have 1 or 2 extra children with me. Last year we went on a trip and this year my so called friend is saying she will only go if we don't take 12 kids, when it was my 3 her 1 and 2 extra (children), all over 6 (except my youngest who is 3).
i feel like telling her i know how to take care of my kids and their friends so i will go on my own.
This is the 3rd or 4th time she has said things like this to me but when she needs something i'm the 1st one to help her!! The other friend (and) her family will say things about her child, then she complains to me that her family say things, but then she will say something to me about one of my kids and then i get upset. All my kids are polite, well mannered, do well in school, know how to behave in public and are respectfull to each other and adults when out. At home diff story!!!!

ImperialBlether · 14/07/2011 23:36

Why do you always have extra children with you?

To be honest, I would hate to go anywhere with a huge troop of children. It's one thing if I'm friends with the mum and I can trust her and her children to allow everyone to have a good day, but no way would I want to go out with extra children. Why would anyone want to do that? Why do YOU want to do that?

Rhinestone · 15/07/2011 02:31

I have read your post 3 times and I have no idea what you're saying. I would not let you anywhere near my children.

muminthecity · 15/07/2011 02:46

Punctuation is a wonderful thing. Use it next time and I'm sure you will get some excellent replies.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 15/07/2011 03:52

Even though some people have children of their very own it doesn't mean they like them even though they were children once.

Confused? So am I, but I do know that I would rather spend my time with children than with a lot of adults I know,

Carry on doing what you're doing - and if others don't 'get it' tell them to piss off because you will get far more edifying conversation with your kids than you will with them.

PinkSchmoo · 15/07/2011 04:22

Are the extra children your own given you have more children than your friends or are they other children who are not your own? When you say 12 do you mean 1/2?

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 15/07/2011 04:26

Are you a childminder/foster parent? Why have you always got spare children?

If your friend wants to see you and chat to you, I can fully understand why she doesn't want a horde of children along too - they are very time-consuming! And the more of them there are, the more you have to keep on stopping and checking where they all are, going to the loo with them, answering their questions, wiping their noses, whatever.

If you can't see that your friend might find all those spare children overwhelming, then perhaps you are better off going on your own.

And please learn how to use commas and full stops, even the carriage return. It's almost impossible to read "stream of consciousness" posts without (thanks NannyOgg for rendering it inteligible, except I think that in regards to the other friend, the (and) you inserted is incorrect, it should have been a comma, as it appears we have moved on entirely to why the second friend is not a good friend - different reason from the first)

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 15/07/2011 05:00

Carriage return' Thumbs? Would that be the Orient Express or the 8.21 that Mr Brown takes up to town on a week day?

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 15/07/2011 05:27

oh push off izzy! Grin I am an Ancient, and it was always labelled before it was labelled Enter. So therefore that is what it is to me, so ner.

As an aside, the Orient Express used to go past my house in the UK sometimes (I lived opposite a railway line and just down from the level crossing) - it was fab seeing the steam coming and the "peeeeep" of the whistle!

AnyFuleKno · 15/07/2011 06:44

Rhinestone that's a bit bloody harsh

TheHumanCatapult · 15/07/2011 06:56

it would not bother me and do think when people have just one child they can find it hard to children enmasse

Me It would not bother but with 4 already I am quite a group on my own

wigglesrock · 15/07/2011 07:10

You bring 3 of your own children plus maybe 2 extra, I'm assuming friends of your children that you have for the day/afternoon etc. Your friend after the event exaggerates in pointed way even though she doesn't seem to have a problem asking you to mind her kids along with the others if she needs it. Not sure why that bit seem so difficult to understand Hmm.

Next time you are heading somewhere just tell her I will have my own plus 2 or how many, if this doesn't suit you don't come along.

SkipToTheEnd · 15/07/2011 07:10

I would maybe try and ask her exactly what the issue is. Maybe she is just overwhelmed by the amount of kids?

Or she would like to actually spend time chatting with you but you're always running around after a child or two?

And I'd ignore the comments about punctuation etc. It's really starting to get bullying now. A friend of mine wrote a post which was ripped apart for spelling and punctuation. She is dyslexic and was in need of advice but all she got was ridiculed. It's very sad when a person decides someone doesn't deserve any help because they've not written the perfect paragraph. Grow up people, please!

Original poster
par05 · 15/07/2011 07:45

Hi thanks to all who gave advice, and not just had a go! i am fairly new to mn, so forgive me for not putting punctuations in!!
I work with children run a after school club, which is how friend number 1 met me, when she put her child in the club. So she does know i spend a lot of time with children other than my own!!
The point is if i have another child there will still be 5 children when we go out what will she do then?

OP posts:
ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 15/07/2011 07:51

Skip - there is having a go and then there is asking the OP to use punctuation so that people can actually READ what is written - one long sentence with no breaks is too hard for many people who can read normally; for people who use screen readers and have issues with reading it's a nightmare!

InTheNightKitchen · 15/07/2011 07:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.