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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu my so called friends upset me

58 replies

par05 · 14/07/2011 22:42

2 of my friends are super health and safety especially with their children they both have 1 child each whereas i have 3 and i always have 1 or 2 extra children with me last year we went on a trip and this year my so called friend is saying she will only go if we don't take 12 kids when it was my 3 her 1 and 2 extra all over 6 except my youngest who is 3 i feel like telling her i know how to take care of my kids and their friends so i will go on my own. this is the 3rd or 4th time she has said things like this to me but when she needs something i'm the1st one to help her!! the other friend her family will say things about her child then she complains to me that her family say things but then she will say something to me about one of my kids and then i get upset all my kids are polite well mannered do well in school know how to behave in public and are respectfull to each other and adults when out at home diff story!!!!

OP posts:

wigglesrock · 15/07/2011 07:57

If you find the op so difficult to read, which I agree it wasn't the easiest, just don't bother replying, just leave it and get involved in another conversation. I don't get this - please re-write so you can get the benefit of my wisdom notion.

HeadfirstForHalos · 15/07/2011 08:10

"I have read your post 3 times and I have no idea what you're saying. I would not let you anywhere near my children."

Nice post, I didn't realise bad punctuation and spelling was a reason to not allow a person around my children. How odd.

I think with just one child each they don't really "get" it. I have 4 young dc so I'm jused to being a group and I am of the opinion "the more the merrier", and on family cinema/swimming/park trips we always have a couple of extras tagging along. It's far more fun :)

In future just make them aware of numbers before they decide to go anywhere with you, if they don't like it, tough!

Mobly · 15/07/2011 08:10

I'm surprised your friends feel comfortable complaining to be honest. There is not alot you can do to change the situation anyway so what's the point in them complaining? I find children are hard work anyway and a couple extra doesn't make much difference to work load.

As long as you're resonsible for them and not creating work for others then there shouldn't be an issue. Your friend sounds cheeky!

As for the other 'friend' who insults your child- what are we talking about here? Can you give an example? I'm sure no friend of mine would do that.

Mobly · 15/07/2011 08:14

And those who have no idea what the op is saying, honestly, it's obvious what the op is saying, you just want to comment on the lack of punctuation for some reason. Maybe it makes you feel a little superior or something aong those lines?

SkipToTheEnd · 15/07/2011 09:09

Thumbs - I can imagine it would be hard yes. But I still think a person could leave the thread or politely explain they found it hard to read.

Molby - I agree. It's just a small way to make people feel better about themselves maybe?

ENormaSnob · 15/07/2011 09:11

Could you arrange to meet at a different time to avoid having extra children with you?

I wouldn't like to meet up with a friend plus millions of extra kids.

Actually I prefer to meet my friends with no kids

ScarletOHaHa · 15/07/2011 09:13

If I arrange to go out with a friend and her kids, I am irritated if she brings along children I don't know. She has more spare time than I do and this would be a problem for me. In addition we all muck in with looking after kids and SHE has agreed to look after these children and not me. I'd rather she had a day out herself with the troop and then we could have the playdate as planned.

Oakmaiden · 15/07/2011 09:16

I wonder if the problem is that when she goes out with you and her children she wants her child to be playing and interacting with yours. Possibly if your children have friends along too then they are mostly interacting with their friends, leaving her child feeling a bit left out?

Might this be the root of the problem?

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 15/07/2011 09:17

In fairness, I think some of the posters who said anything about the punctuation were suggesting that the OP would get more responses if her post were punctuated - a lot of posters will open a thread, see an op like that and just close it again as it's too hard to read. Some will slog through it and offer advice, some will just be snippy (that poster who said something about letting the OP nowhere near her DC was just completely OTT). But a punctuated, legible op will get more responses - which one assumes the OP would like, since she posted!

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 15/07/2011 09:20

Surely after school clubs dont run in the holidays? I dont understand why you are going out with extra kids? I can see why your friend is cross, if you are working, then work, not go out with friends. or take time off and spend time with your own kids and friends.

SkipToTheEnd · 15/07/2011 09:21

True thumbs. I think if it's done politely it's fine.

I just think it's becoming the norm that people belittle others because of punctuation or spelling mistakes.

SkipToTheEnd · 15/07/2011 09:23

Oakmaiden - that's a good point.

Are the kids close in age? Maybe her DC is feeling left out.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 15/07/2011 09:24

Sorry, I agree with thumbs and all the others, people (and not just the OP) should use even basic punctuation!

BoysAreLikeDogs · 15/07/2011 09:28

go out with your mate when you are not working, is that feasible?

I don't get why holiday club children are with you on trips out, unless you run the club singlehandedly?

Chandon · 15/07/2011 09:28

Well, she doesn't sound very friendly.

But I have a friend with 3 DC who always has a posse of kids (add a cousin, a neighbour and someone else's toddler), so last time we went to the zoo we had 7 children between us (2 were mine) and of course I help out looking after ALL of them (you are both pretty full on with 2 adults and 7 kids!) but DID find it more exhausting than just my own 2, and would not want to repeat the experience!

You see, she's used to the chaos and stress of looking after a large number of kids, but I am not, so whilst she found it normal (as I guess you do), I found it a stress filled nightmare day! Would't SAY anything to her though, might just avoid such outings in future.

Chandon · 15/07/2011 09:29

PS I didn't think your thread was hard to read at all.

Beckyboo4 · 15/07/2011 09:33

I come from a large family so day trips out with lots of children do not faze me in the slightest. I have 4 children of my own and I know that sometimes I don't get invited places due to the size of our family. However I can see why others may get overwhelmed by a large group of children especially when they have only 1 child of their own. Sadly It doesn't matter how well the children behave.

I personally love outings with lots of children as the children never get bored and normally have a really good time. These sort of outings are the memories children remember. If I can I always allow my children to bring a friend.

wigglesrock · 15/07/2011 09:35

cookcleanerchaffeuretc I agree people should use basic punctuation, but the OP was belittled by posters because she didn't which is rude, unnecessary and I wouldn't dream of doing it in real life to a friend, so I don't think a stranger on the internet should be subjected to my judgyness, when the post was about something completely different.

ThumbsNoseatSnapewitch the final paragraph in your post at 4.26am was really rude and condescending and as for posters "rewriting" original posts, seriously?

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 15/07/2011 10:29

No it wasn't "really rude and condescending" - it was politely asking the OP to use commas and punctuation. And yes, sometimes it really does help when another poster takes the time and effort to re-write the OP so that people are more able to help with advice.

However. You carry on thinking what you like and I will leave the thread.

ihatecbeebies · 15/07/2011 10:39

YABU, I'd get quite annoyed if a friend constantly brought along extra children with her. She'd be more distracted and I wouldn't get to chat to her and her dc might not be interested in playing with my dc as they have their friends with them. I would think that the whole point in meeting up would be to chat, gossip and let our dc bond and play not to give extra children a chance to go an outing that they wouldn't normally be able to go on. If you wanted to have an outing with all these other kids then fair enough take them out yourself then meet up with your friends with just your own dc.

Rhinestone you are really nasty! Insulting someone the way you did over punctuation is awful I think you are the one with problems! Would you also be disgusted with someone with dyslexia having a child? Are only the perfectly literate allowed dc?

OTheHugeManatee · 15/07/2011 10:52

So this is what I understand by the OP.

OP has three children.
OP's friends have one child each.
OP's friends are both 'super health and safety'. Implication: OP's friends are both helicopter mums.
OP and both friends have previously been on a trip together, where OP's and friends' children were joined by two additional children.
OP's friend has said that she does not want to repeat this experience as there were too many children involved.
Implication: OP's friend (unsurprisingly) found her helicopter mindset did not translate from one child to seven children.
OP feels that her friend's reluctance suggests that said friend does not consider OP to be competent at managing such a large number of children.
OP is aggrieved at this slight on her parenting abilities as she considers her children polite and well-mannered.
OP further feels that she is being abandoned by her friend despite her frequent willingness to help said friend when asked.

Is that right?

InTheNightKitchen · 16/07/2011 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyMummyOfOne · 16/07/2011 13:07

Perhaps she feels its too much, a day out with a whole bunch of children is probably not most peoples idea of fun. Neither would I like to go out with a friend who is being paid to mind children - I would expect her priority to be to her minded children rather than socialising.

fluffles · 16/07/2011 13:13

don't really understand the bit about 12 children - were you really going to take 12 children? i would find that pretty exhausting. i run a guide unit and am happy to look after 10-12 guides per adult but they're older and i know them and i know what i can trust them to do/not do.

or was she exaggerating and it's only 5 or 6 children? if so, then that's perfectly reasonable of you but still she is entitled to not want to end up jointly "in charge" of such a group.

MortenHasNiceShirts · 16/07/2011 13:14

I still don't understand any of this.

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