Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 ··· 15 16

Original poster

babies last name.

376 replies

spookshowangel · 14/07/2011 16:38

i kept my husband last name after we separated and i intend to keep it. i met my husband when i was 17 and we were together for 10 yrs, married for 7. we have now been separated for 2. its the name my 3 children have and its my name as far as i am concerned, some people were quite surprised that i didnt go back to my maiden name but that wasnt me any more. so now i am pregnant with my new partner i intend to give the baby my last name. many people are shocked at this because ultimately it is my exH name. i explain to them that its my name but they think its quite wrong and dont think dp should or will stand for it (we havent discussed it yet). so mumsnet jury aibu to give my baby my married last name iyswim?

OP posts:

OurPlanetNeptune · 16/07/2011 18:02

yes, spooks but he was my father, my blood. However, I do get the point you make about my mothers side that is why my sons carry my name also .

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 18:04

Because it had never occured to me, until today, that women were going to hand out names that had no connection to the DC.

Original poster

spookshowangel · 16/07/2011 18:04

so either my step dad (no relation to baby) or my (horrible evil) real dad who i havent seen since i was seven. yes i is really important to make sure that my baby can know that he comes from that kind of people. really of all the arguments i have heard against this i have to say the heritage one is the weakest one for me and prob for my oh as his mum was adopted and doesnt know her family.

OP posts:

TandB · 16/07/2011 18:05

I have to say, I think this is an odd idea. I have spent years researching my family history and I think names are a very important part of a child's heritage.

I have an older half-brother who was adopted by some of his maternal family, so has their name rather than mine even though we share a father. If someone had decided to give me his surname so we shared the same name I would have been pretty unimpressed when I realised that I had a name that had no blood or adoptive relationship.

It is up to the individual family to decide whether a child takes its mother's name or its father's name, but I think taking an ex-husband's name is very odd indeed.

Original poster

spookshowangel · 16/07/2011 18:12

well the child may have an interest in looking up his heritage why would its name preclude it from doing that.................... is the child going to be to stupid to see his fathers name and look that up?

OP posts:

MsPlaced · 16/07/2011 18:13

so you're telling a woman that the name she considers her own name is not? How very high-handed of you! So she is allowed to call her fathers name her own name, but the name she has been known for all her adult life and sees as her own?
Have you gals even heard of feminism? Maybe you'd like to let us all know what we can call ourselves, since we're too silly to know our own names?

Lets make it very simple for those that can't keep up: OP considers her name that she took upon her last marriage TO BE HER OWN NAME FOR ALL POSSIBLE INTENTS AND PURPOSES. Therefore it quite obviously has a connection to her DC, as it is DC's MOTHERS NAME.

Too many syllables?

pinklizzie · 16/07/2011 18:15

I don't see a problem you could have "Your current partners name - Your Name" so there is a link to their siblings and the father.

I wish I also gave my ds my surname. I didn't think about it at the time.

I never changed my name when I married. I can't be bothered going through the expense of changing my son's name now.

Your name is your name. It is not random it is what you are known by. Just as my surname which is also my maiden name is my name. They are both just as valid as a fathers surname.

Original poster

spookshowangel · 16/07/2011 18:16

damn mumsmet needs a like button.

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 18:19

You could, since you don't seem to have a name you like- let the DC have his/her father's name.

You obviously don't think it is of the least importance, but just be warned-your DC may think it very important. I would be very annoyed and change it by deed poll to my father's name-being very cheesed off with my mother.

You may be lucky and your DC might not mind.You can't tell-and he/she might not mind until they are about 40yrs-people don't get interested, on the whole,about families and 'who they are' until they are older.

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 18:20

as it is DC's MOTHERS NAME

AND IT HAS NO BLOOD CONNECTION WITH HER DC.

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 18:22

The difference is that you have no understanding of those interested in family history-if your DC thinks the same there is no problem.

MsPlaced · 16/07/2011 18:27

Right so only BLOOD CONNECTION is important? Tough balls for all those adopted, fostered, step-parented people out there...Listen up folks, your names are all meaningless and your parents have failed you!

PS. Mother isn't a blood relative of child, no? Her name isn't a blood connection? Please explain.

pinklizzie · 16/07/2011 18:27

Exoticfruits - what do you mean by that?

Nowadays you can find out so much more about your family history than ever before - there are recording devices and electronic media.

I can't see why it would be an issue having a name of your mother? Why does it irk you so?

Original poster

spookshowangel · 16/07/2011 18:28

you are not understanding me i love my name, and if the baby is interested in its heritage then it can look up its fathers name or my maiden name with wanton abandon its surname will not preclude it doing that and i do not understand why you think it will. if the child choose to change its name then that will be fine too and i would understand the reasoning behind it. but for as long as its my decision it will have MY name.

OP posts:

OurPlanetNeptune · 16/07/2011 18:31

spooks, clearly you don't think yabu. No input required from the likes of me then.

Good luck with the pregnancy, I have three boys but I have started to feel very broody right now so I am little envious.

Original poster

spookshowangel · 16/07/2011 18:40

lol ourplanetneptune i was wondering if i was being ur two days ago when i started the thread having spoken to dp partner and him agreeing it all seems a bit moot and has turned in to a bit of just general defence tactics against people who havent read the thread or just dont agree in principle, thats fine i dont mind if they dont.
god really 4 seems totally crazy to me though i always though that i should keep it even lol.

OP posts:

honeyandsalt · 16/07/2011 19:11

Wowsers the whole concept of equality seems to have passed many of you by eh? Her ex owns neither her, nor her last name. We're in the 21st century, yaay .... though some attitudes on here are so fecking depressing I feel like checking for corsetry, have I fallen into some sort of time warp? Is she allowed to vote?!

Congrats on your forthcoming bub spookshowangel - your new DP sounds like a keeper too! Glad he isn't been so thoughlessly mysgonistic about the issue as many women seem to be. I'd be inclined to give the child his last name as a middle name, personally, as a goodwill gesture.

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 19:16

I am quite happy to have my mother's name, which was my grandfather's name (I would be equally happy to have my mother's mother's name) but I would be very unhappy to have my mother's first husbands name -unless my mother's first husband's family are going to make me a part of their family and treat me as a grandchild. If they have nothing to do with me and treat me differently from my half siblings then I wouldn't want their name.
My mother, keeping their name makes a statement that she is part of the family, which is OK, if I am included.

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 19:19

If you are prepared for the DC to disagree and change it then probably we are having an unnecessary argument! If it was me I would change it. We are all different-with any luck your DC will take after you and not be bothered.

LadyGrace · 16/07/2011 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spiderpig8 · 16/07/2011 19:30

Very, very, very weird thing to do and sends out very negative messages about your relationship wiyth your DP.

tigermummy35 · 16/07/2011 19:32

A friend of mine had a similar situation and when she got pg by her second husband, they double-barrelled the child's surname, so that she had a connection (by name) to her half-brother. The mother also double-barrelled her name with her new DH.

HTH

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 19:35

Why not double barrel it with his/her fathers name-seems a good compromise and more easily explained to DC.

Original poster

spookshowangel · 16/07/2011 19:41

because it would sound cack, and i hate double barrel names as does dp its very forced, his ex did that when they broke up changed the childrens names from his to his and her maiden.

OP posts:

Original poster

spookshowangel · 16/07/2011 19:42

also because i dot need to compromise i am happy dp is happy. baby will have my name and all is right with the world.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 ··· 15 16