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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7yo often home alone in the morning, WWYD? If anything?

588 replies

Hufflepuzzpig · 14/07/2011 14:20

I genuinely don't know. Neighbour's DS (nearly 8 but acts very young for his age) always goes in the car with his mum in the evening to pick up his dad from work, and he's not allowed to stay home/on the shared front lawn on his own while his mum goes.

In the mornings though, DH has noticed the DS is never with them, so the mum comes back and then takes him to school. I guess he must still be asleep or just doesn't get dressed on time or doesn't want to go.

Is that ok at that age? I wouldn't leave a 7yo home alone, but I expect many do and I don't think it's as terrible as DH does. He is generally more paranoid/helicoptery than me though. I know it's a really subjective issue, and the age at which parents let DCs be home alone varies massively.

I'd be happy for him to just come over for that time (about 30mins) in the mornings, even if he's in his PJs, should I suggest it? We don't know the parents that well, they are lovely but very shy and his mum in particular struggles with English. I could suggest it to the DS though, he likes it here.

I guess what I'm basically asking is - is nearly-8 old enough for this to be absolutely none of my business and I (and DH!) should chill because it's fine? Or is it a bit young to be home alone even for a short time?

OP posts:
TubbyDuffs · 18/07/2011 23:12

Sorry Rita, maybe its because I don't live near any family and know that if anything happened no one would check on the kids for hours, therefore I would never risk being apart from them like that.

I'm obviously not saying I would prefer to have the kids in a crash with me, and I think you are being obtuse for taking it that way. Obviously if I was involved in an accident and I couldn't speak, how would I tell anyone that I had a kid at home on their own?

I honestly think 7 years old is too young to leave on their own. I do actually remember being 7 and can say that I definitely couldn't be left on my own at that age.

I was left at age 9 and was perfectly ok, but 7, no.

jasper · 18/07/2011 23:13

it's not a big deal

frantic51 · 18/07/2011 23:23

Yes, because with 3,221 fatalities on the road in 2004 in around 4 million RTAs in the same year, you crash your car you and your DC are gonna die, obviously! Hmm

RitaMorgan · 18/07/2011 23:24

Obviously it's not sensible to leave a child in a remote, isolated place without a phone Tubby. Leaving them somewhere with access to a phone, numbers and instructions on what to do in an emergency is different.

RitaMorgan · 18/07/2011 23:26

Great, so if I crash my car then I probably could call someone to get the kids then frantic?

TubbyDuffs · 18/07/2011 23:27

So Frantic you crash your car, and don't die, and the police come and you tell them you've got a 7 year old at home on their own... is that legal?

RitaMorgan · 18/07/2011 23:28

There's no legal age limit for leaving a child alone, as long as they aren't in danger.

frantic51 · 18/07/2011 23:32

Yes but you've presumably given them instructions not to answer the phone or answer the door? At least that is what someone said. In my opinion, if you don't consider the child old enough to answer the phone or door, if they have to be locked in, creating a potential problem in case of fire, and don't give me the "I'll leave them a key" crap, it can be much more difficult to perform even the simplest of tasks when you're scared, then they are not old enough to be left alone in the house.

TubbyDuffs · 18/07/2011 23:45

So legally you can leave a 3 year old at home alone?

Does that make it right?

ThePosieParker · 18/07/2011 23:46

It's about accountability for me, I can't be a responsible parent if I'm not there.

ThePosieParker · 18/07/2011 23:47

I ask a seven year old to not switch the TV on they still might, get toast caught in the toaster and stick a knife in.

frantic51 · 18/07/2011 23:56

Rita a child may well not be in danger when you leave them but can quite easily have put themselves in danger before you've even left the drive!

Tubby yes it's legal, no, only an imbecile would think was right.

Posie but these people know they can trust their 7 year olds. They are supermums and their children are Stepford Kids! Grin

frantic51 · 19/07/2011 00:02

And this is what makes them so anxious to pack their rucksacks, thumb their noses at their parents and travel the world when they are 18, because they've spent the last 11 years doing exactly what mummy expects of them, being model children and they can't wait to get away from it! Grin

seeker · 19/07/2011 06:29

So are people persisting in saying that a 7 year old is in more danger at home alone for 20 minutes than being driven in a car or playing rugby or sailing a boat or riding a horse?

And did somebody say something about not letting them turn the TV on - or did I dream that bit?

lovesicecream · 19/07/2011 06:45

There is no legal age to leave a child on it's own but that doesn't mean the police or ss believe it is ok for you to leave a 7 year old alone, you could still find yourself under investigation or prosecuted for doing it

Animation · 19/07/2011 06:54

So mum takes dad very early in a morning to work leaving the son briefly at home for 20 minutes.

I can understand that.

exoticfruits · 19/07/2011 06:57

I babysat all through my teen years. We had parties, got drunk and didnt do much babysitting

and thats why i wont be leaving my kids with teenage babysitters

So much steroetyping goes on. Why on earth would someone have a babysitter like this?! You can trust many, many teenagers. When I was a babysitter at 16yrs I was fully responsible, I wouldn't have dreamed of treating anyone that way. My teenage babysitters were the girl next door, with mother on hand. A girl from the next road, lovely girl, good with DCs but very shy, didn't go out much, and the Head Girl of the grammar school, applying to go to Oxford-not one of them would have been doing the above and I think that I was fully capable of deducing this from the start. There would have been hell to pay if they had had drink or anyone around! And yes, I would know, as it was quite common for plans to change and me turn up early and my DCs did speak to me and the neighbours would have noticed!

You do not have to be supermum or a StepfordKid to trust your DC. I had rules, they were not making toast when I was out. They could turn on TV-am I missing something here? Hmm
People seem to miss the point they want to be left, they want to be trusted, they want to be responsible and the want some independence. They know full well that if they don't stick to the rules it will be taken away and they will probably have to wait a couple of years.

The car crash argument is mad! If you are in a car crash, unable to say to anyone 'my DC is alone at home' it must be a pretty bad car crash-so why would you want the DC with you? If you have a DC who hasn't the gumption to call the neighbour and say 'mummy should be back, I don't know where she is and she isn't answering her phone' then you have no business leaving them in the first place! You don't just disappear off without rules and instructions-one of those being 'what to do if worried'. Even if they forget it all and are alone and crying it has to be a far, far better scenario than being in the car crash. I would be thinking 'thank goodness they are safe at home' -not 'they should have been in the car'!

exoticfruits · 19/07/2011 07:06

I am not going to live my life in fear of the police and ss. I have never been involved with either. If I was, they would see that I was a fully responsible mother.
I know someone who was in a minor car crash, he said that his 10yr old DD was at home alone and the policeman said she shouldn't have been left-that was it. She was in the middle of her homework, he popped out for potatoes,something that was going to take a max of 10 mins-was he really supposed to make her stop and load her into the car? As it was he was back before she missed him, even with the car crash. Do you really think that ss are going to waste time with a responsible, loving parent who leaves a 10yr old for 10 mins? It would worry me if they did, when they must have huge caseloads of DCs in dire need of protection.

lovesicecream · 19/07/2011 07:12

I left my child for short periods of time at, I wouldn't have left him at 11 though

lovesicecream · 19/07/2011 07:12

11 what am I on about? I wouldn't have left him at 7 even

notbestpleased · 19/07/2011 07:17

I have phoned up SS on several occasions for trusted advice for my own children over the years.
Once I asked them what the legal age for babysitting, there isnt one..I also asked about leaving the children overnight, as long as a young person is in the house age 16 and over however if you leave a 14 and 15 year old in the house alone overnight you can be prosecuted, not for short periods of time thou,.
As to leaving a 7 year old, alone for 30 mins, never asked that question.
Also a lot of mention about crashing the car, other factors such as breaking down, being held up in traffic means that the child will and may be left for longer periods of time, if this be the case.

exoticfruits · 19/07/2011 07:17

I was a bit Shock with 11yrs.
It is up to people, DC and circumstance when they start-I think that I would put 8yrs, but the one on OP was 8yrs in Aug and I always felt that I had to treat my Aug birthday DC as a bit older because all his friends were 8yrs by July and he was just as mature (or more so in some cases).
Whenever they start they should be managing to get out by 11yrs for a short time.(unless SN)

exoticfruits · 19/07/2011 07:19

I would never phone SS up about anything. Either I think they can be left or I don't. If I was doubtful I wouldn't. It gives a false sense of security to ask someone who doesn't know your DC.

Animation · 19/07/2011 07:24

"You don't just disappear off without rules and instructions-one of those being 'what to do if worried'."

Yes, and 7-8 year olds can be very sensible.

exoticfruits · 19/07/2011 07:28

More sensible than 15yr olds in some cases!

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