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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this women is completely overreacting?

115 replies

babybumpx · 13/07/2011 21:40

I arranged with an associate/friend to meet on monday morning for coffee at my house with her toddler who was excited to come and play with DS2.

However I am 34 weeks pregnant, I have literally just moved home, my partner had worked nights that weekend so he had decided on monday morning to have the day off and get some rest, he was going to go in for the overtime but his sleep is more important, so i called her to apologise and reschedule it for the afternoon, she was ok with that. however I was also waiting for the delivery of our Moses basket which was due to arrive between the hours 9.30 and 12.30. so i had planned to go into town at 1 and be back in time for the school run and then have my "friend" over, It didnt arrive and after calling mothercare they said it will be here sometime that day! to top it all of my partner and I had a disagreement, so i then decided today really isnt a good day, I was feeling so stressed, after being in hospital the friday previous for a high blood pressure etc I didnt want anyone coming round. I tried calling her but no reply, so then messaged her and suggested she came over on thursday after school. Her reply was no thanks, I have let her down and she feels that my poor excuses and not good enough, she'd rather take a step back. This morning at the school run she completely blanked me, I text her to apologise once again and her reply was much of the same as before, adding that it is not good enough, for future reference you need to find better excuses and to wake up and smell the coffee! and do i always lie to myself??

I am upset as I dont want to make people feel this way but I cant help thinking she is overreacting, I replied to her message by saying that seeing as the friendship seems to be very conditional I am happy to completely take a step back from it and that I dont have any friends who are as rigid as that.

What more can I say.

OP posts:
thefirstMrsDeVere · 13/07/2011 21:43

Do you really want to be friends with this woman?

She sound like bloody hard work to me.

I think its a good thing you have found this out now rather than later.

pineapple70 · 13/07/2011 21:44

Is it the first time this has happened?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 13/07/2011 21:44

Nothing.

AKMD · 13/07/2011 21:45

YANBU and I think you've had a lucky escape TBH.

DogsBestFriend · 13/07/2011 21:46

YANBU - how rude and uncaring of her.

You're better off without that one!

Vicky2011 · 13/07/2011 21:47

I can see why she was annoyed but you are right it's a complete overreaction. Definitely time to step back.

As an aside one of the things that I have learnt over time is that lots of little excuses sound a lot less convincing than one big reason. It sort of sounds like the person giving them just can't be arsed, even though I know in reality that sometimes a combination of factors do make things impossible.

CocoPopsAddict · 13/07/2011 21:47

The only way I could see her point is if you were always letting her down, i.e. this type of thing happens a lot. If not, then YANBU - she is over-reacting.

threefeethighandrising · 13/07/2011 21:47

How rude! (Her not you).

She would be completely overacting at any time, but when you're heavily pregnant that's just ridiculous.

Agree with thefirstMrsDeVere it's good you found out now rather than later.

HPonEverything · 13/07/2011 21:47

Sounds like she's maybe had bad experiences with other people letting her down, and so tars everyone with the same brush. She might feel snubbed because you rearranged things a few times and maybe she thought you were just putting her off and messing her about, even though you had genuine reasons. I could see why she might be a bit miffed, but I don't understand her bearing such a grudge when you've been so apologetic about it all.

I'd give her a wide berth because she sounds like she's not capable of forgiving (or empathising with) even the most minor thing, so imagine what she'd be like if it was something big!

MsAnnThroppy · 13/07/2011 21:48

Phone Mothercare and thank them for saving you from this nutjob.

AngryBeaver · 13/07/2011 21:48

Blimey! Don't worry,people are funny. She may have felt a bit rejected/messed about and her child may have cried or been disappointed? I can understand that. But what kind of loon tells a pregnant woman with high blood pressure to 'wake up and smell the coffee'! Silly woman.
Good luck with the birth Smile

Original poster
babybumpx · 13/07/2011 21:49

Ive cancelled her once before and her reply to that was quite abrupt too, that was just before we moved. I'm generally quite understanding when these things happen, i feel it is life and especially when you have alot going on and you have children things do come up where you unavoidably have to cancel things.

Deep down I feel i'm glad its now rather than later on in the friendship, i've also learned a valuable lesson too :)

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 13/07/2011 21:49

All she's had from you is a text to reschedule for Thursday, having already changed the arrangement from the morning to the afternoon. Although you tried to phone her, you didn't actually get through and have a chance to explain what is going on in your life. From her perspective, she knows nothing about any of that and just feels messed around. You basically kept her hanging around all day, when she could have had other things to do too.

I think she is over reacting a bit and it would have been good if you two had actually spoken rather than communicating via text, but really this is your fault. Her time is valuable too and you have utterly failed to realise that, because you have been caught up in your own problems.

iggagog · 13/07/2011 21:50

I think rearranging a meeting with a friend twice at short notice is a bit off actually. From her pov it must seem she isn't very important to you. I do think her reaction was ott.

amIbeingdaft · 13/07/2011 21:50

Hmm...you've cancelled on her twice, with no real reason except that you don't fancy it. You've listed your 'reasons', but these are simply reasons why you don't fancy it, not actual reasons.

I have a friend who I don't bother with any more as she always did this...she was tired from working late, or she'd had a stressful weekend... they are not ACTUAL reasons, are they? They just suggest that you see meeting the friend as a chore. Her reply seems fine...if it's too much hassle, don't bother!

Kayano · 13/07/2011 21:51

tbh,,,,
You had organised this day,
you then changed it last minute. If I was her and you moved it to the afternoon I would be 'hmmmmmm... ok whatever'
but for you to then just decide that 'it wasn't a good day afterall' after a disagreement and cancel all together ON THE ACTUAL DAY I would be royally pissed!

She agreed to your plans not once but twice and you moan about her reactions when you cancel....twice?
YABU, it's not always about you

brokenmarrow · 13/07/2011 21:52

Sorry to disagree but you shouldnt have arranged anything in the 1st place if there was a chance you would have to cancel at such short notice.

I have a v active 3 yr old who is hard work if i dont get him out of the house for some part of the day.

you said yourself the toddler was excited about visiting, i can only put myself in her shoes that her toddler probably got upset with constantly changing plans and it was maybe too late to arrange to do something different.

I would have been raging in her position too !

amIbeingdaft · 13/07/2011 21:53

X post...but these things are not 'unavoidable' are they?! Your partner has a day off, you're feeling stressed... just excuses.

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 13/07/2011 21:56

Christ - did she actually use the phrase 'wake up and smell the coffee'? that's too funny for words. Do people actually still SAY that???

I guess you could see it from her point of view. Then again, she's being a bit intense, isn't she? I wouldn't worry about it. And be unfailingly lovely and polite to her, EVERY time you see her. That way you are beyond reproach.

However... however.... don't text stuff like that. Talking is always much better, your tone of voice can overcome many a misunderstanding arising from a text message.

Madness.........

hellospoon · 13/07/2011 22:02

Hmm. I think that yabu.

You knew your partner was on lates so potentially needed to be sleeping if he decided not to do overtime. You had been in hospital and also just recently moved, it sounds like life is pretty hectic already without trying to fit coffee and play dates in.

She may of over reacted a touch but it does sound like you messed her about, unintentionally maybe but still

Original poster
babybumpx · 13/07/2011 22:02

I know its not nice being let down, I tried to call her twice, even after she replied to my text message I tried calling her again, no answer or reply.

I still feel that her reaction....complete ignorance this morning, very harsh text messages are overreacting, she is a very hot headed lady (self admitted) but surely this is too much. To be honest I wouldnt restart our friendship even if she wanted to as I would feel pressured. as I said before all my friends are much more laid-back then this and like someone before said better now then later.

OP posts:
Kayano · 13/07/2011 22:19

I'm sure she wouldn't be bothered tbh
I wouldn't

EmmaBemma · 13/07/2011 22:27

I can see why she was upset, you did mess her around having also cancelled on her before. But she also overreacted. In your shoes, after postponing the in the morning I would never have had the balls to do it again unless there had been an emergency of some sort. It just looks like you can't be bothered, which from your post, to be honest, I think is fair.

In her shoes, although I'd have been pissed off, I wouldn't have said anything, certainly not given you chapter and verse as she did! However, neither would I have asked to meet up again.

So on balance, YABBU (You Are Both Being Unreasonable!)

YoungMotherTubby · 13/07/2011 23:03

If I were the other person I'd be thinking you had been taking the piss. Not the first time you've let her down and you're looking for reasons why you were justified in putting her off again -- twice in one day.

Put yourself in her position - she's already been let down by you and agrees to visit in the morning, then you change it to the afternoon - so all her plans have to change and then you cancel altogether. So she has to re-arrange her day again and explain to her child about the let down.

Looks like you're wanting us to condone your behaviour - but you cannot treat people like this with no come back and really it was not vital that the Moses basket was collected that day.

Her replies might just have been when she was still stewing at your appalling behaviour.

TheSecondComing · 13/07/2011 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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