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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you tell someone that your child is vegetarian...

461 replies

Tollund · 12/07/2011 12:11

that they should respect this and not then try to feed them meat?!

At a birthday party with DS1 who is four and a parent there offered my DS a sausage. DS took one (as he didn't know is it was veggie or not) and I politely said to the man "thank you, but he's vegetarian."

He said "yes, I know, they told me that. But I thought I'd see if he wanted one, and he took one, so let him have it."

I ignored him and told DS not to eat it.

THe man then started on at me about how I should let him make his own choices and to let him eat it which I refused to be drawn into, politely telling him no and then walking away.

He then went up to the mother of the child whose party it was (about 10 feet away from me) and starts banging on about me not letting him eat meat!

I think this man was monumentally ignorant - why does he think he is in a position to make food choices for my four year old child? What if DS was Jewish? Or had allergies? I'm now loathe to let my DS anywhere near this man's child or to go to parties where this man might be - IABU? (I don't think I'm BU in terms of making dietary decisions for my son at this time in his life, but whether am BU in wanting to keep my DS very far away from that tool!)

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 13/07/2011 20:10

If the parent of a four-year old tells you the child is vegetarian then "Yours not to reason why" - you accept it. End of.

Desiderata · 13/07/2011 20:24

Um, but that's like saying your kid votes Labour. How the fuck would he know?

I'm sorry, but that level of parental control always freaks me out. The man was reacting against a conundrum of modern parenting. He may have seemed crass in his delivery, but I can see where he's coming from.

The OP states that he is not in a position to make food choices for her four year old child. Neither, should it be stated, is she. Not to that extent.

To ignore both the man and his child, who is surely an innocent in all this, at all future social events, smacks of control freakery.

Andrewofgg · 13/07/2011 20:29

Eating vegetarian, eating meat, eating kosher, at that age you have to accept what the parents say and keep your opinions to yourself. Four-year-olds don't vote but they do eat.

It's like grandparents who break the "no sweets between meals" or similar rules - with a child that young they are in the wrong.

BoojaBooja · 13/07/2011 20:36

Desiderata, no of course the OP shouldn't make decision about her child's diet. Hmm

TandB · 13/07/2011 20:38

Of course a parent is in a position to make food choices for her young child. A stranger is not.

If I had no right to make food choices for DS then he would eat nothing but cake and chocolate.

Desiderata · 13/07/2011 20:43

Somewhat of a major decision though, booja, don't you agree?

I have several vegetarian friends, none of whom have ever dictated what their children eat. As a consequence, they all eat meat, as a choice. And their parents cook it for them, too.

Sorry, but I find it rather bizarre that someone can state that a child under the age of awareness can form an adequate decision about what they may, or may not, like to eat.

pointydog · 13/07/2011 20:44

It's not a major decision for a vegetarian parent Hmm

SamsGoldilocks · 13/07/2011 20:56

See what i don't understand is, if you are vegetarian or variants thereof, how can you let your children eat meat, especially if your reasons are for ethical, spiritual, moral, whatever, not just you don't like the taste of it?

HeadfirstForHalos · 13/07/2011 21:21

Major decision? What a load of arse.

My dh and I are long time vegetarians, we wouldn't raise our dc to eat meat anymore than 2 meat eaters would raise a child veggie.

We didn't even need to discuss it.

mauricetinkler · 13/07/2011 21:23

Desiderata - you are a complete fuck-wit, end of.

DogsBestFriend · 13/07/2011 21:32

Feeding one's child a veggie diet is a "major decision"?

Really? Hmm

Not in this house it wasn't!

Something which has been a normal part of my life for over 30 years was hardly going to be a "major decision".

DogsBestFriend · 13/07/2011 21:33

SamsGoldilocks, now I don't get that either.

But then again I don't get how anyone with a reasonable level of education, a reasonable intellect and a smidgeon of knowledge of the trade in dead animal's body parts could possibly eat them either. :o

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 13/07/2011 21:44

Desiderata, I have a vegetarian friend who gives her children meat - all the worst kinds of factory farmed/environmentally damaging crap like chicken dippers, fish fingers...I don't get it and I don't think she is doing them any good. She doesn't like cooking raw meat, so only buys the readymade stuff. People are vegetarian for loads of different reasons, so maybe your friends are not doing it for animal welfare reasons. A proper vegetarian diet is certainly a healthy one.

BoojaBooja · 13/07/2011 21:50

Desiderata, of course feeding a child a good, healthy diet is a major decision. Fortunately many people make important decisions and bring up their children with a good quality, healthy diet.

Others won't bother to engage their brains and will insist on their children eating bits of a dead pig.

BoojaBooja · 13/07/2011 21:57

If a dad at a party tried to encourage my DD to eat meat, he would receive a very short shrift from her. She's only three years old, but she understands that that greasy little morsel used to be a part of an animal. And she doesn't like it one little bit! She knows very little about how animals are farmed and nothing about slaughter methods, but she has come to the decision that she does not want to eat animals. She'd rather have a Linda McCartney sausage roll! She will ask if food is suitable for vegans. She's been offered meat, cows' milk and eggs by adults at her pre-school and has point-blank refused. She is proud to be a vegan and I'm very proud of my healthy, lively, thougtful little girl!

BoojaBooja · 13/07/2011 21:59

doh - "thoughtful"!

whippet · 13/07/2011 22:15

YANBU about party - Sausage man was an interfering busybody, in the same way that my FIL always used to harp on about DS1 'looking hungry' and how we really should 'give him a bottle' when I was breastfeeding.

BUT

I am interested to know at what age you think children are able to make their own informed choice about eating meat? The reason I ask is because one of DS1's friends is from a veggie/ organic only type family, and his mother is always going on about how important it is, and his choice etc etc, and yet I know for a fact that most days he bins his health food shop museli bars and goats cheese salad (packed lunch) and begs, borrows and steals the most unhealthy crap food from the other kids.... Hmm

VanillaRooibos · 13/07/2011 22:36

Just on a tangent, Linda McCartney Sausage rolls are very processed though. Just looking at the ingredients really put me off - they have a lot of thickeners, and something about man-made meat substitute i find a bit off putting. I'm not veggie, but DH is, my children aren't. I have on ocassion looked at Quorn and veggie mince and the like, but what do all you other veggies think?

BoojaBooja · 13/07/2011 22:59

VanillaRooibos, yes the Linda McCartney sausage rolls are rather processed, but I let standards slip a bit for party food! Wink

I try not to give DD too much processed stuff, but she loves Linda McCartney (I don't work in promotions or have shares in the company, by the way!) sausages, and there are about 11.5g in protein in each one and are relatively low in salt, so bangers and mash is a regular meal for us!

BoosMaw · 13/07/2011 23:04

YANBU, this man is a knobend. I'd also be wary of your child coming across him at other parties etc. he'd probably try that trick again. Your child, your choice.

BoojaBooja · 13/07/2011 23:06

Whippet, as I mentioned on a previous post, I genuinely believe that DD at age three would rather not eat animals. She's been offered, by pre-school staff, meat, cows' milk and eggs. DD asked if they were vegan and then refused them. She knows nothing of the true nature of animal farming and certainly not slaughter, but she understands that meat used to be an animal and she'd rather not eat it. She has a good, varied diet, is an excellent eater (sorry, this is sounding smug now - eek!) and just doesn't have the desire to try animal products. I used to say that I'm sure one day she'll rebel or experiment or whatever and eat meat, but I'm not convinced now that she will. I know she's extremely young, but she understands that we, and a handful of friends are veggie and vegan, and seems very pleased to not have to eat animals - much to my relief! :)

Catmint · 13/07/2011 23:50

Yesterday was my first day on MN - is it always like this?

YANBU.

I'm surprised that there is even a debate about eating meat or not. Surely we all (as adults) have the right to eat what we choose, and are lucky to be in that position.

I'd be genuinely amazed if someone felt they had the right to challenge the perfectly reasonable choice I have made for my daughter - meat or no meat - until she is old enough to make it for herself. It simply wouldn't occur to me that anyone could have the view that it is their business.

We happen to be vegetarian which has never been a problem for nursery or meat-eating family & friends or even parents of daughter's nursery friends, although we are the only vegetarian family.

On occasion we swap gelatiny sweets in party bags for chocolate & offer to provide a veggie alternative for our daughter at someone's party, as we do recognise that some people aren't experienced in providing a veggie option & kids parties are stressful enough without them having to fret over the right food for our daughter.

Our choice (for now) and our responsibility.

It's not unreasonable to be appalled at someone undermining your parenting or lifestyle in public.

I was really impressed by the early posts about eating meat not being the default position.

EmmaBemma · 14/07/2011 06:50

"Whippet, as I mentioned on a previous post, I genuinely believe that DD at age three would rather not eat animals."

he he. I don't eat meat, though the rest of my family does, and I tried a little bit of gentle veggie propaganda with my 4 year old when we saw a field of cute pigs. Nothing heavy, just pointed out where her bacon and sausages come from. Her response? "I do like pigs mummy, but I do like bacon too. It's pink". Fail!

mathanxiety · 14/07/2011 07:31

YANBU; you had a run in with a really rude and disrespectful moron. I would definitely try to avoid him in future.

Original poster
Tollund · 14/07/2011 07:39

Catmint - welcome to MN. Grin

It's not always like this, there's just a few thing that usually ignite, like parent and child parking spaces, dogs, and apparently vegetarianism.

OP posts: