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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you tell someone that your child is vegetarian...

461 replies

Tollund · 12/07/2011 12:11

that they should respect this and not then try to feed them meat?!

At a birthday party with DS1 who is four and a parent there offered my DS a sausage. DS took one (as he didn't know is it was veggie or not) and I politely said to the man "thank you, but he's vegetarian."

He said "yes, I know, they told me that. But I thought I'd see if he wanted one, and he took one, so let him have it."

I ignored him and told DS not to eat it.

THe man then started on at me about how I should let him make his own choices and to let him eat it which I refused to be drawn into, politely telling him no and then walking away.

He then went up to the mother of the child whose party it was (about 10 feet away from me) and starts banging on about me not letting him eat meat!

I think this man was monumentally ignorant - why does he think he is in a position to make food choices for my four year old child? What if DS was Jewish? Or had allergies? I'm now loathe to let my DS anywhere near this man's child or to go to parties where this man might be - IABU? (I don't think I'm BU in terms of making dietary decisions for my son at this time in his life, but whether am BU in wanting to keep my DS very far away from that tool!)

OP posts:
BoojaBooja · 13/07/2011 16:32

YANBU AT ALL!!!!!

The man's a complete fool

If anyone gave my DD a dead animal to eat, they'd regret it!

DogsBestFriend · 13/07/2011 16:36

A quote from Sausages, made on another thread recently:

*"Why get angry about other people's choices? People have to make their own decisions based on their own ethics and their budgets.

You can't expect everyone to do as you do."*

------------

Hmmmm.... yes, Sausages, WHY get angry at other people's choices?

Did you not accuse many vegetarians of being hypocrites somewhere up-thread?

Hmm

Ironic.

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 13/07/2011 16:40

Driftwood that is utterly irrelevant. He may well choose to smoke, and eat nothing but cake or Pot Noodle but that is SO not the point!

Original poster
Tollund · 13/07/2011 16:41

Sausages is not even making sense anymore. Hmm

OP posts:
HeadfirstForHalos · 13/07/2011 16:45

Sausages you need to relax, make yourself a Brew and have yourself a sausage flavoured Biscuit

klapaucius · 13/07/2011 16:55

OP I'm torn with this one. Part of me thinks let the child decide when they are old enough. However, I also think that as long as the diet is well planned, not too restrictive and there are all of the adequate nutrients that your DS needs then why not?

HeadfirstForHalos · 13/07/2011 17:01

I'm going to let my dc decide when they are old enough.

Until then they are veggie Wink

thefirstMrsDeVere · 13/07/2011 17:02

People get so weird about non meat eaters dont they?

I have never told someone they shouldnt eat meat. I dont really care what they do but the amount of times I have been told I should or even 'I should hold you down and make you' Shock.

WTF is it with these sausage pushers and their need to force others to be like them.

I get the 'oh but your children arnt veggie are they?' concerned look and virtually on the starting blocks ready to report me to someone if they are. Hmm
No actually because I am a lazy bugger and dont like cooking pulses etc. BUT they eat tons of veg which is more than I can say for many of their peers.

petisa · 13/07/2011 17:02

Sausages are vile, I can't understand why they are seen as good food to give chidren. And I worked in a pork factory and saw exactly what goes into sausages. I hate it when I am at a family gathering and my dds' cousins are having sausages and I know my aunts and uncles are thinking that my poor dds are deprived as they are not having any yukky cheap processed "pork" fat and skin.

End of sausage rant!

NearlyHeadlessnickelbabe · 13/07/2011 17:34

right, i've read the whole thread.
the meat-eaters who seem to think it's ridiculous to raise a child not eating meat, and that they should give them the choice when they're older: that's just crap, isn't it!
So, basically, you want the child to be a murderer (sorry, an accessory to murder) of animals until they're old enough to understand what they've been doing all these years?
ignorance is no excuse.
I would prefer the child to take the stance that once they understand what meat is, once they understand that to eat that sausage or burger, that the animals has to be killed first, then they can make the decision to eat it.
as far as i'm concerned, i would sooner have the child do the least damage to the animal, and to the planet, first and as a default, and if they choose not to follow that morality when they grow up, then it's their choice.

same as i'll raise my child to not beat someone up, or to steal, or to lie, or to take drugs etc, but if they choose to once they're old enoug hto understand what they're doing, then it's their choice, and what can I do about it.

and as regards the Halal diet - I know a few muslins who don't eatmeat precisely because of the Halal method. Just because an animal is stunend doesn't mean that hanging it up and letting it bleed to death is any more humane or right . it's still a barbaric way of killing an animal.

NearlyHeadlessnickelbabe · 13/07/2011 17:37

btw, DH is a meat-eater, and can't understand why I want to raise our child/ren as veggie, because to him, eating meat is the default, but he understands/appreciates my reasoning, and when I read the OP to him, and some of the responses, he was gobsmacked why anyone would be soooo very opposed to a person raising a child in the way they see best.

NoHunIntended · 13/07/2011 17:40

petisa, fat and skin - you forgot hooves, bones, eyeballs, nostrils, anuses and gristle!

exoticfruits · 13/07/2011 17:42

Seems a sensible way NearlyHeadless. Everyone brings up a DC to their own belief system and hopes they will follow -they are more likely to if given freedom when old enough.
As regards sausages being vile, it depends where they come from.My farm shop ones are lovely and have practically no fat. I wouldn't eat cheap ones.

kaid100 · 13/07/2011 17:51

I'm a meat-eater, but I do hold with allowing parents to make choices for their young children within reason. A vegetarian diet is perfectly healthy for a child, even if vegetarianism isn't universal in this country. If the complaint was that the bloke had failed to prevent DS from eating meat, eg if DS had picked up a sausage and eaten it despite knowing it was meat and the bloke hadn't snatched it from his hands; I would not consider the bloke to be unreasonable in that situation
But this situation is different, he knew DS was a vegetarian, he offered him a sausage without (I presume) mentioning that it was not a vegetarian sausage. DS could easily have assumed it was suitable given that this bloke knew he was veggie. Of all the food he could have offered him, he offered him an item with meat in, possibly with the intention of causing exactly the trouble that occurred.

tinkertitonk · 13/07/2011 18:14

OP, if when you say "offered my DS a sausage" you mean "showed him his dick" then you are right to be offended. If, however, the sausage was only a sausage then get over it; it won't do your child any good to grow up so precious.

Confuzzeled · 13/07/2011 18:23

Tinkertonk..... wtf

PedigreeChump · 13/07/2011 18:31

OP - YANBU. It's not like the diet you have chosen for your child consists only crack cocaine and plastic bags for goodness sake!

RainboweBrite · 13/07/2011 18:31

OP, you are certainly not being unreasonable, and I am amazed some posters think you are, although they appear to be in the minority.
If a stranger dared to try to undermine me so deliberately and aggressively in front of my child, I would be livid, and let's just say they wouldn't know what hit them.
I am a vegetarian and so is my 8 year old son, but the main issue in this case is a stranger's lack of respect for a parent's rules.

Original poster
Tollund · 13/07/2011 18:35

NearlyHeadlessnickelbabe hear hear. Grin

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 13/07/2011 18:43

Coming to this late, but just to add my two pence worth....YANBU, not even a little bit.

There are some morons out there in the world, that's all I can say.

OP, you did nothing wrong. I'm just sorry you had to see and hear that tool at the party.

LDNmummy · 13/07/2011 18:46

Just checked back and saw the comments on Halal. I actually think the opposite and find Halal more humane than other methods but I don't want to hijack from the OP.

On the topic of vegetarianism and children, I think for me it is a matter of health. I believe the human body needs some meat to function at its best. That doesn't mean meat with every meal like society is used to, but at least some meat or fish every other day or with one meal a day.

I tried a vegan diet for a week once because I don't like to judge without being informed, and I found it very hard on my body. But then that was a cold turkey situation for one week.

We all make choices in the best interests of our children and the sausage man was an idiot to force the issue.

I can understand the choice to raise your chid vegetarian though I do not agree with it and think everyone should appreciate that others are different and hold different views on what is right and wrong for them and their families.

LDNmummy · 13/07/2011 18:47

child, not chid

Original poster
Tollund · 13/07/2011 19:16

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone on this thread who's given support and a reasonable point of view! Grin

OP posts:
TandB · 13/07/2011 20:04

I haven't read the entire thread, but I assume from its length that it kicked off as any reference to vegetarianism usually does!

I am a long-term vegetarian for no other reason than that I never liked meat as a child and found that some meat made me feel quite sick. I stopped eating it altogether almost 25 years ago and now get very sick if I have it by mistake, as has happened a couple of times over the years.

DS is not being raised vegetarian as I don't have particularly strong beliefs about vegetarianism beyond thinking that it is healthier than a very meat-heavy diet, and probably closer to what we evolved to eat.

If, however, I had chosen to raise DS vegetarian and someone had behaved like this man I would have been incandescent with rage. He had no right to rant about you imposing your choices on your child when he, as someone with no rights or responsibilities towards your child whatsoever, was doing just that - imposing his choice to give your child meat. He was completely over the line and I would definitely avoid him in future, just because he is clearly an arse, never mind any other reason!

TandB · 13/07/2011 20:05

Just read back a page and wanted to comment on something NannyOgg said. I have been told I have probably lost the ability to digest meat, hence being sick when I eat it. I think it is an enzyme that you stop producing - could be wrong about the mechanics of it!