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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you tell someone that your child is vegetarian...

461 replies

Tollund · 12/07/2011 12:11

that they should respect this and not then try to feed them meat?!

At a birthday party with DS1 who is four and a parent there offered my DS a sausage. DS took one (as he didn't know is it was veggie or not) and I politely said to the man "thank you, but he's vegetarian."

He said "yes, I know, they told me that. But I thought I'd see if he wanted one, and he took one, so let him have it."

I ignored him and told DS not to eat it.

THe man then started on at me about how I should let him make his own choices and to let him eat it which I refused to be drawn into, politely telling him no and then walking away.

He then went up to the mother of the child whose party it was (about 10 feet away from me) and starts banging on about me not letting him eat meat!

I think this man was monumentally ignorant - why does he think he is in a position to make food choices for my four year old child? What if DS was Jewish? Or had allergies? I'm now loathe to let my DS anywhere near this man's child or to go to parties where this man might be - IABU? (I don't think I'm BU in terms of making dietary decisions for my son at this time in his life, but whether am BU in wanting to keep my DS very far away from that tool!)

OP posts:
WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 12/07/2011 12:28

I don't understand why some posters are commenting on the OPs choice to bring her child up veggie. That wasn't her question. She just wanted to know what people thought of this man.

If he's veggie because you want him to be then I feel YABU.

I agree wholeheartedly with the man at the party. Your son is not old enough to understand all the issues surrounding vegetarianism...and so should be able to eat what he likes...

This is what we do as parents, we decide what we think is best for our kids and the OP had decided that to be vegetarian is best so that's her business. Just as if she had decided that she wanted to bring her child up Catholic. We wouldn't say that the child should not go to church or be christened until old enough to make his own choices would we!

elah11 · 12/07/2011 12:28

Your child-your choice. If you dont want him to eat meat then thats your decision, not some random strangers who thinks he knows best.

Original poster
Tollund · 12/07/2011 12:28

Sausages, you're being silly. He's four, he'd spend all day eating chocolate and drinking coke if I let him. A certain amount of control is needed with four year olds... Hmm

OP posts:
Bue · 12/07/2011 12:28

YANBU! Four year olds do not make their own 'life choices'. You as the parent do and those choices should be respected. When he is older then of course he should be free to try meat if he wants, but that guy was an arse trying to override your parental authority.

HeadfirstForHalos · 12/07/2011 12:29

"vegetarians imposing their choice on their children without giving them a choice"

Hmm

Lets change that around a bit shall we? How about "meat eaters imposing their choice without giving them a choice"

Not that I think that.

So long as the diet is healthy I don't care what people feed their dc.

unclefest · 12/07/2011 12:29

YANBU. All parents make choices, and you've made a choice for yours. Meat eating parents would be tamping mad if veggie parents told their children they couldn't have meat at a party they'd been asked to run by veggie parents. Flip it on its head and you're suddenly 'controlling'. Confused But I can imagine he's not an isolated case.....

TooFarGone · 12/07/2011 12:29

To be fair though, Humans are supposed to eat meat. We're not supposed to eat confetti. And yes, in another country is cat or something was on the menu and it was safe to eat - I'd let the kids try it if they wanted to. I wouldn't try it however!! but that's my choice to make.

MsTeak · 12/07/2011 12:31

What moron said "how can you have a Jewish child?" Hmm I don't even know where to start with that.....

buzzsore · 12/07/2011 12:31

I think it'd be rather strange to demand meat at a vegetarian's party.

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 12/07/2011 12:32

TooFarGone

that's really debatable. Humans can be just as healthy, if not more so, when they eat a vegetarian or pescatarian diet.

LadyThumb · 12/07/2011 12:33

Don't be silly hammy02 - you're BORN Jewish!!

itisnearlysummer · 12/07/2011 12:33

sausages all parents control what their children do to. It's part of what parenting is!

tbh, the only aggressive sounding posts have come from you.

eating meat is not the default - it's as much as a choice as not eating it

Exactly.

sausagesandmarmelade · 12/07/2011 12:34

I think some of you lot could do with a good steak inside you....I made a delicious one the other day (organic mind) with cream, brandy and mushroom sauce....full of iron and first class protein. Perfect!

A lot of vegetarians I know....are quite hypocritical, extremist and don't like humans very much!

Bunbaker · 12/07/2011 12:34

"Of course we bring our dc up with our personal beliefs, all parents do, be that not eating sweets/aspartame/meat, religious beliefs, not allowing TVs in rooms, allowing or disallowing pets, I could go on for pages."

In our house we don't have TVs in bedrooms, eat junk food or battery chickens or have food/drink products with artificila sweeteners. Nor do I use margarine instead of butter on bread, but I don't stop my daughter from eating them when she is at other people's houses - or watching TV in her friend's bedroom.

While I agree that the man was unbelievably ignorant and rude I'm not sure whether the OP should have prevented her LO in trying a sausage. After all he must see his father eat meat when he is out. Would this not become the "forbidden fruit"?

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 12/07/2011 12:34

Jewish is an ethnicity and a religion/culture so you are born jewish ethnically, but you can't be born with a religion or culture, that is taught/imposed, depending on your POV.

HeadfirstForHalos · 12/07/2011 12:35

"Some of you veggies sound a bit aggressive tbh"

Probably because we've allencounters dickheads like the man in the op.

"and it bears repeating eating meat is not the default - it's as much as a choice as not eating it"

Yes, some people can't quite grasp that eating meat is a choice some people decide on for their dc, as much as eating a meat free diet. So I thought I'd quote in the hope of it getting through.

Crikey, we're feeding our kids a healthy meat free diet,not abusing them.

andthisisme · 12/07/2011 12:35

YANBU

The man was a twat.

Can I bang the gavel? I'm quite new.

Fuck it

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 12/07/2011 12:35

fluffyanimal sausagesandmarmelade

You are both being ridiculous. Why is giving meat to a child automatically the standard thing and if you don't then you are denying them.

How about that in the OPs mind NOT giving meat is the standard as that's something she believes in. So to give her child meat would in her eyes not be doing the best for her child.

Can't say I blame her either what with all the people that have developed and died from CJD! Why would anyone wish that on their child?

HeadfirstForHalos · 12/07/2011 12:35
  • all encountered
sausagesandmarmelade · 12/07/2011 12:36

*sausages all parents control what their children do to. It's part of what parenting is!

tbh, the only aggressive sounding posts have come from you.*

Really? Bit of a blinkered view if you read through all the posts properly here!! TUT TUT!..... Or are you just jumping on the bandwagon because I have a minority view here?????

Silly woman!

unclefest · 12/07/2011 12:37

buzzsore I had a vegetarian wedding reception because DH and I are both vegetarian, and (admittedly only a few) people complained to me about it. Directly. At the wedding reception. Not everyone is as polite as you, it seems Wink

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 12/07/2011 12:37

sausages, are you so insecure in your own choices that you perceive criticism in the way other people choose to live? Or are you so arrogant that you believe only your choices are the right ones?

I don't care if you like to eat steak every day of the week. I don't suggest you could do with a good bean stew, so why would you suggest that I should eat something I choose not to? For what purpose? Confused

sausagesandmarmelade · 12/07/2011 12:38

whosegotmyeyebrows

You are putting words into my mouth....

Now if you want to reason with me sensibly, that's not a good way to go about it!

PlanetEarth · 12/07/2011 12:38

The man was a nutcase. My family are all veggies, and I would be pretty annoyed if someone had deliberately tried to feed my 4-yr-old child sausages. As for the personal choice issue, fair enough maybe when they're older but not at four.

unclefest · 12/07/2011 12:38

TBH this is good practice for defending rearing my unborn as a vegetarian...Smile