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AIBU?

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Original poster

to have expected a thankyou card after attending a friends' wedding in March??

129 replies

NorthernGirlie · 08/07/2011 09:32

I think it's rude not to thank people who've spent money attending a hen night, bought new outfit, took the day off, spent money at the reception, bought a gift... so I asked the bride if she's forgotten to send cards - she said whe's thanked everyone personally on the day and thought that was enough!!??

OP posts:
chenin · 10/07/2011 16:48

I think it is beyond RUDE not to thank for presents/gifts given. So someone spends money on you and you don't thank them? Gawd, no wonder the country is going down the pan.... Weddings are a little different in that they are such busy times, but surely even weeks down the line, a very short card thanking for the gift is not that hard.

I have a god-daughter and I have lost touch with the family a little now. Nothing odd... just a drifting and living a long way away from each other. She is now 18, I have sent a gift... by post... every birthday, and passed on a christmas gift via a mutual relation, every Christmas. That is 36 gifts over the space of 18 years... in all that time, I have received just ONE thank you letter... ONE. I have no idea if my postal gifts have arrived or not because I have never had any acknowledgement or thank you letter. I have just packaged and posted my last gift (she is 18 and I am not doing it any more). It was an expensive present as she is 18 with a lovely card and a handwritten note from me, so we shall see....

AlabamaWorley · 10/07/2011 16:55

I sent thank you cards after my wedding. Also after receiving gifts after my son was born. Ok, so the ones after my son was born was like 6 months after he was born Blush but it was better than nothing.

It is rude not to send thank you notes. Height of bad manners. I will bring by DS up to write thank you notes.

YANBU

AlabamaWorley · 10/07/2011 16:59

I forgot to say, someone once sent me a gift via post and when I didn't get round to sending the thank you cards out quick enough, she enquired to my mother whether or not I had received it. i felt very guilty, but I think that was perfectly acceptable. If anyone sends a gift via post, YANBU to ask if they received it. I would like to think I would be brazen enough so say "oh that's good, I was worried it was lost in the post, but it turns out it is your/her/his thank you note that is lost in the post".

PuppyMonkey · 10/07/2011 22:36

Ha ha ha, this thread gets more hilarious. I'm struggling to give it up. So the new twist is that if giving vouchers it is reasonable to say thank you to the gift giver in person. But if a gift, then it must be done in writing after? Ha ha ha ha. What if you give a gift and you say to them at the wedding " I've bought you a new iron" or etc. Thank you there and then still not good enough??? People would be offended by not having a formal hand written card. I take it typing it our is also a big no no. Arf. Maybe it depends on the font though.

MN is a funny place, I'm obviously not the usual type. I'm going to bed now to wet myself luahhibg some more Grin

PamBeesly · 10/07/2011 22:53

Hi OP I got married last October and the thank you cards are only going out tomorrow.... and a lot of folks travelled from abroad for my wedding....

GiddyPickle · 10/07/2011 22:54

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Kewcumber · 10/07/2011 23:02

I really don't see why a bog standard thank you note has any meaning at all. It might be polite but its meaningless and I'd really rather the bride & groom were living the highlige somewhere than writing 120 bland thank you's

GiddyPickle · 10/07/2011 23:35

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begonyabampot · 11/07/2011 01:05

But it's not the norm - it's your norm.

Scuttlebutter · 11/07/2011 01:17

I'd say it's normal to say thank you for wedding presents. I'm also from a poor Welsh background and thank you notes were drummed into us as children. When people don't have much, it's appreciated when others are generous. As others have said, a wedding is often an occasion when gifts are stacked up, dropped on tables, and I certainly didn't have time to open or look at all the presents that were brought to the reception. Once we were back from honeymoon, we did TY letters to everyone who came and who gave us a gift - thus ensuring at least they knew we received it and liked it. These days, I'd say email would be fine, especially as you can attach pics, but the principle is the same. We get TY emails all the time from our nephews after birthdays and Christmas and I love these since at least they are going to the trouble of expressing gratitude and telling us gifts and cards have safely arrived. Wtih modern postal service, that is actually an important consideration.

We got married fourteen years ago, but I looked at several bridal magazines in the run up to the day and they all implied TY notes were integral.

GiddyPickle · 11/07/2011 08:53

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Birdsgottafly · 11/07/2011 09:22

I used to send cards for everything, as i was brought up to do so, but with the emphasis on 'saving the Earths resources' now, i think emails are fine. Its the same as not using confetti, times change.

Even the process of recycling uses up energy.

cjbartlett · 11/07/2011 09:27

Add message | Report | Message poster begonyabampot Mon 11-Jul-11 01:05:48
But it's not the norm - it's your norm.

It is the norm in my family, in everyone I know, I never not had a written thank you for a wedding present

I'm shocked at the poster who only had one thankyou in 18 years of gifts for her god daughter
That is shockingly rude

Lunabelly · 11/07/2011 09:35

I would only ever use snail mail to send a cheer-up parcel to my non-internet friends. I simply cannot reconcile myself to the waste a ton of ty cards would be. To cranky-pants me, that is rude :)

The earth is more precious than my feelings.

(You need to understand that I feel like marching down the school and tearing them new orifices for their constant deluge of paper letters...)

I would rather not get, and rather not give. As I've said, we no longer do Christmas cards, but charity instead, and a verbal thank you is enough for me.

You do your thing, I'll do mine, now let's all have a nice cup of (organic, sustainably sourced, fairtrade) tea! :o

Lunabelly · 11/07/2011 09:36

Though no thank you at all for 18 years wrt the god-daughter gifts is not cricket. A phone call doesn't hurt...

TittyBojangles · 11/07/2011 09:50

Shock Helliebean, that is just rude!

I am all for thankyou cards, I have always sent them after receiving birthday/christmas/wedding/new baby gifts, it is sometimes tricky finding the time, but it's a small thing to do to let someone know they are appreciated. My Gran's best friend from way back when always sends me a small amount of money at birthdays and christmas, remembers my wedding anniversary etc and I ALWAYS send a thankyou note back. She often replies with a little letter which is lovely and I occasionally write back through the year to keep her updated with what I am doing... I have never met this lady but I LOVE reading her letters and hope she enjoys receiving mine.

I will definately me making my DS write thankyou cards.

GiddyPickle · 11/07/2011 10:19

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sausagesandmarmelade · 11/07/2011 10:46

If people don't have the good manners/common courtesy to sit down and write a thank you card...then they don't deserve presents.

I would not have kept sending presents to someone who couldn't be bothered to acknowledge and thank me for it.

JanMorrow · 11/07/2011 11:02

This is a very English thing, the English are obsessed with cards! What a thing to get in a tizz about.

maybells · 11/07/2011 11:05

its a funny one for me, when went 2 a friends wedding and gave a token gift of money which they had asked for. they paid for us to have our meal at the reception and allowed our ds to come when no children were allowed. she did send a thank you card which was nice but we didnt expect one as our meal had been paid for.
we had our sons christening last month i ordered some scrolls which had a thank you poem on and gave one to each guest who came. those who couldnt make it and sent gifts or money in the post i wrote a thank you card to. i did make sure i thanked everyone on the day. we also provided a large buffet spread which a see as part of a thank you for joining us on our day.

pommedechocolat · 11/07/2011 11:19

I'm pretty sure feeding guests doesn't count as a thank you!
For me it could be cards, email, text or a call but a thank you post the event is just manners. For presents again always some form of thank you after the event although very likely to be text with friends.
Older people (dd's great grand parents for example) will always get a hand written note. It makes their day and costs me very little. Bit heartless not be nice to older dudes quite frankly.

Cleverything · 11/07/2011 11:30

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Ephiny · 11/07/2011 11:39

I must say I've only ever come across this bizarre obsession with cards on MN, never in real life. I've never heard of anyone sending thank you cards to people for attending their wedding - in my experience the couple would just say 'it's lovely to see you, thank you so much for coming' when they see you on the day, and you say 'oh no, thank you for inviting us, we're having a great time', and that's it.

I've honestly never sent a thank-you card for a present or any kind, and I've never received one either. I'd never even heard of the concept before I came on MN! I must live in a different world from some of you...

catgirl1976 · 11/07/2011 11:40

Wow Ephiny. You must really live on a different world. You have never sent or recieved a thank you letter for a gift?

Ephiny · 11/07/2011 11:49

Never that I can remember Confused. Don't think I've ever sent (or received) a hand-written letter of any kind, unless you count passing notes to each other in class at school!

I just say thank you in person. Or if someone sends a gift in the post (very rare) or gives it to DP to give to me (as his family sometimes do), I just say thank you next time I see them. Or if it was someone I rarely saw, next time I phoned/emailed them.