to have expected a thankyou card after attending a friends' wedding in March??

[NorthernGirlie]

I think it's rude not to thank people who've spent money attending a hen night, bought new outfit, took the day off, spent money at the reception, bought a gift... so I asked the bride if she's forgotten to send cards - she said whe's thanked everyone personally on the day and thought that was enough!!??

Happylander - at least you got there!

Hairyfrotter - you're right that the OP should have sent a thank you letter to whoever the "official" hosts were.

Since when have thank you letters been old fashioned!
Bad manners not to send a thank you note for a wedding present in my book.

A thank you in person at the end of a wedding day when you won't have opened cards and presents is not enough!

Not enough. I simply cannot believe modern, intelligent people think like this. Thank you in person Is Not Enough.

You go to their lavish party and have free wi' e and food and possibly a cheesy disco too. But they have to grovel and thank YOU for the present you brought along, but not in person oh no. They have to put some fucking effort into it and write a three page letter, otherwise it DOESN'T COUNT.

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It's just good manners. If they don't write a letter, how do you even know they got the gift?

Its bad form not to send thank-you letters for wedding gifts IMO. Thanking someone on the day is not enough.

This thread reminds me my first christmas in uk when my collegues -who were in the same room as me- gave me a card, i was 'i'm next to them not in USA why dont they double kiss me and wish me merry christmas? Do i smell?' Then a girl told me that i must go to WSmith and buy cards.

Anyway apart from different customs from place to place, i thought that cards in general are not send much nowdays because of the enviroment?

PuppyMonkey - As per GiddyPickle's post the bride will have absolutely NO idea what the fuck she is thanking you for on the actual day.

It is a very materialistic view of weddings that you have - the most important thing is the presence of the people that you care about and you should show your gratitude that they came to them by writing to thank them imho. Nowadays weddings can be far flung and require logistics around small children that can be difficult to manage. I totally appreciated every one of my friends and family making the effort to come and celebrate me and my husband with us and think thanking them for that is polite.

i love the way wedding guests in threads like these always say "we had to travel, and buy a present, and buy a whole new outfit"
as if you buying yourself a posh new frock for a wedding is some hideous hardship insisted on by the bride and groom makes me laugh.

I think it's a nice gesture to send guests thank you cards for being there to share in your special day...and to say a thank you for any gifts received.

I sent hand written cards to all our guests...some who had travelled some considerable distances to share our day with us.

I'm so surprised that so many people think it's ok not to write to say thank you for a present. I spent my childhood writing letter after letter for every Christmas and birthday present received.

It's good manners to write to thank someone who's hosted a party/weekend/event and to thank someone for a present and it pisses me off if I don't receive thanks for a gift.

(I don't think anyone needs to be thanked for attending a wedding; it's just arrogant to expect that)

it's only good manners if that is what you have been brought up to do and believe (and arrogant). Some people and areas don't really do the thankyou card thing and don't expect them - to call them rude because they don't live up to your perceived standards is - well rude and arrogant expecting others to conform to your expectations just because that is what you do.

I doubt years ago when my family had their weddings (quite poor and working class) that they send out all this formal stuff and did thanky cards.

My grandparents were dirt poor Welsh miners. They would have gone without food rather than not send a thank you letter for a gift or a kindness if they had needed to. You don't need money to have standards.

I totally agree with Puppy Monkey. I cannot abide those fussy little thank you cards, a thank you in person is worth so much more, no matter how brief. The acknowledgement was made OP, be sated.

I also refute the sending of Christmas cards mind you. What a mind numbing way to spend an evening or two, writing out 50 identical messages, then addressing all the envelopes. Gaaahhhh.

So those of you who expect a thank you after the wedding would you be offended by e-mail instead of card?

It is a) free and quicker (and enviromentally friendly) b) you can attach photos of the wedding aswell.

Or does it have to be hand written card?

P.S. Please say 'of course not' because it has been 11 years since my wedding and its too late now to apologize if i have caused offence.

I would be ok with an e-mail although I would personally send a letter. But I would be happy enough to recieve an email

I would be more than happy with a call, an email or even a brief 'thanks' when we next meet. No need to send me thank you cards. I'm not looking for one.

Thank you

I'd be happy with an e-mail or a phone call .

Anyone who would go without food and drink in order that they could send pigging thank you cards is obviously insane. get a bloody grip with your anal traditions and chill the fuck out, life's too short.

Of course she should thank you for the gift and for coming - but I do find your attitude a little strange, what a great effort you went to, new outfit, spending money at the reception (on your own drinks? )
Can't say I have ever attended a wedding hoping the B&G were grateful for all the effort I went to making myself presentable or making arrangements for my own kids - I was grateful to be asked and included in their celebrations - particularly given the ridiculous cost per head of a wedding these days.

Go without food and drink to send thank you cards? EH?

or so they told me. But that may have been when they were making me write thank you letters instead of playing....