to want to bring DD (3) to a proffessional talk?

[MilaV]

Reason in simple: both XP and my regular bsbysitting will be working at that time. The talk will be about my field, design, with a few prominent people giving their views. I really don't want to miss it, and then I remembered a friend who used to take his child to all places with her. I plan to go with DD and some colouring books and pencils. Of course if she makes noise we'll go out, but I'm quite nervous and at the same time excited about the idea of sharing this part of my life with her. Do you think AIBU? Think they won't let me in?

if i have got to go on a course on my days off, i usually say to my boss...well dd will have to come too, as why should i find childcare for those days. hence going through the diary to see when one is on my day of work :)

it seems like the OP talk is outside office hours, which to me makes a huge diffrence as perhaps it there only full day together.

If it's their only full day together that's fine...but why should a presentation be turned into a creche?

Because that's what it will turn into if everyone else follows the trend...or is it only ok for the OP's child?

It's ok if the child is practiced in sitting in quiet environments, or colouring quietly while the mother works in or out of the home. And if the child is unhappy, noisy etc they take her out. It is not ok if you know your child can't won't or is not used to sitting quietly and if you don't take them out.

YABVVVU

Even when a child is "quiet", they do things that affect other people's attention, especially during a presentation.

She will be colouring, making noise with the pencils, talking to herself, humming, fidgeting on her chair, looking back at the people there and trying to get their attention... A child in a presentation is VERY distracting. And mothers don't realize that, even though they are used to their child's noises and behaviour and they don't find it disruptive anymore, other people don't have the same "privilege".

A presentation is NOT a place for children of any age, unless it is specifically a "family-friendly" one.

But it is obvious that you don't give a shit.

I'd find a 3 YO rather a distraction because I'd be mad that I had made child care arrangement for my son so why couldn't everyone else and also because I love little children and it would make me miss mine.

I've just been away to LA for a week long meeting and I really struggled with missing my DS (age 2). To be confronted with seeing a toddler of similar age would have completely thrown me as I was giving my presentation. I suppose if the parent had approached me and explained that a toddler would be there it would be a little better, but still....work is work and not really a place for toddlers.

I think it totally depends on the child and on how she's been brought up. If she's used to not having everything centred around her needs then she'll probably be fine.

I don't agree with adults having to miss out on so much because they'need' to stay at home with the children. We deserve lives and children can learn to attend most things and be bored quietly every once in a while.

I was away from home in my 2nd year at university when my older daughter was born (accident obv! ). There was childcare available in the daytime so it was rare that I took her to a lecture but I was very heavily committed in the evenings too at times - baby came with me to rehearsals, committee meetings, performances, classes and even, occasionally, parties . She's very adaptable now and I can rely on her to behave appropriately in any situation. My 4 year old has been brought up on similar lines but away from a student lifestyle and is far less reliable.

However, I do agree that you need to get permission before you do it.

I don't think this would be at all appropriate and would run the risk of setting a precedent.

It's not so much the actual disruption of the child's presence as the child might be very well-behaved and quiet. It's the impression that it will give to other professionals - there are some people who don't think the rules/social and professional norms apply to them in all sorts of ways and this will make you look like one of those people. It will make you look as though you think you are more important than everyone else attending.

I have once taken DS to a professional meeting - that was when he was 4 months old and I was still on maternity leave but needed for a conference about a case I was starting on my first day back from leave. It was only done because it was a small meeting with 2 professionals I knew well and with a client who had small children himself and who had been very clear that he would rather have me there with child in tow than miss the meeting. I still felt very unprofessional. I was subsequently invited to a large social/professional gathering that I couldn't go to due to childcare issues - the organisers said I could attend with DS as a special favour as I had missed the event the previous year because I had had DS 2 days before. I declined on the basis that it would lead to others saying "well you did it for KFP so why can't I bring my children?" and I didn't want to spend the whole event being looked at as though I was some sort of gatecrasher.

You don't NEED to attend this event and it is your choice not to get a babysitter - I don't think this constitutes any sort of emergency or justification. I would certainly raise an eyebrow if you attended with a toddler in those circumstances.

But you DO have to miss out on certain things when you have a child, thats part of being a parent. Especially if it means not missing out yourself means tagging a small along in an innapropriate environment.Its a bit like saying 'I want to go on a piss up but ive got no childcare, its ok i'll just take my child with me..'

OP - If you want to share the working part of your life with your dd, a presentation may not be the place to do it. I would take my DD (3) to the office - she'll happily sit with some books, etc, amusing herself for a while, but asking the odd question about what I'm doing, what people are doing etc (I also work in a creative field)

Taking her to a presentation - no way, its rude and disruptive, and I would think someone was a bit mad and unprofessional if they did do it. Plus presentations are generally a good networking op, which is hardly possible with a child in tow.

Do it, and you will forever be known in the industry as the Mum who can't manage to juggle work and homelife - not good for your career.

I had to give a seminar on a non working day and my supervisor suggested that I brought dd (2) along. No way. It would have been a nightmare. Dh took her to his work for a couple of hours. I think she rampaged a bit there but I suspect when a man does this it is seen as more cute and less unprofessional than a woman.

Do let us know how it went, OP; I'd love to read you proved the cynics wrong :).

I would be really annoyed off if you brought your 3 yr old, or any child (bf babies excepted) to a professional meeting I was attending. In fact, I might even make a point of asking the organiser to ask you to leave. I've raised my family and now they are teenagers, it is my great pleasure to be able to conduct my professional life in a child-free environment. I am a grown up again! I work with grown ups! I don't have to worry about childcare and colouring-in and snacks! And I don't want other people doing those things in my professional space. Because it IS unprofessional, distracting, inappropriate and selfish.

I like children. I love my own children. But for the same reason I now choose to go on holidays in the kinds of places where there aren't hundreds of kids running around, I also feel entitled to enjoy my professional life in a professional, child-free environment. To your eyes, your child is cute and fascinating. To me, and trust me, to your colleagues, she is just another sprog, and potentially an irritation and a nuisance.

And then you will come on here moaning as to why no one takes you seriously!
You are shooting yourself in the foot if that is how you make business decisions.

Ragged Do you really expect the OP will give an unbiased account? To her the child may well sit quietly but to another delegate she may have been really annoying. The colouring may well annoy them and even if she speaks once and is taken out she will still have disturbed them. I also think people may be tensed just being aware of her presence.

I took DD2 to a job interview once. I'd arranged that beforehand, she was only 2 months old at the time and it was a very pro-DCs organisation. I got the job. I wouldn't do it in any other circumstances and I agree it makes you look unprofessional. Also the DC won't understand your working life at 3 if all she sees are chair legs and shoes.

I think you just want to bring her to be "out there" and you want everyone to think wow you are super cool Murrrm sharing your creative, cool life with your baby....
In fact they will all just be thinking how annoying you are and the Mums who quite rightly organised childcare will be pissed.

So how did it go mylene Mila?

I don't think children should be automatically banned from all workplaces, ever, but there is a massive difference between taking your DCs into the office on a Friday afternoon and taking them to presentation which someone else has worked hard to prepare.

In my field, presentations are common and are run according to a set of understood conventions: they are normally limited to 20 min, involve fairly complex information/ arguments, and require pretty intense concentration to listen to (or at least a good poker face!!). I often work on the material for a pres for several months beforehand, and I'd be furious if my 20-min chance to talk to the other professionals in my field was interspersed with stage whispers of 'No, sit down darling' and 'Don't stick your crayons in there' etc.

It is much different to bringing a bf baby, although even there I would expect the mum to sit fairly close to the door and be ready to scoot out if the baby started crying. And this is not 'anti-women' - women are professionals too, and are capable of behaving as such, and men have children too!

A colleague bought her 4 year old into work yesterday because she had no child care. Nobody apart from her thought this was a good idea.

Oh it was FINE!!! :) Now she's asleep, I'm exhausted. It was great! She was even better than I expected, did a couple of drawings and then started playing with my iphone. I took notes and even managed to ask a question in the end. People were OK too and I bought her an ice-cream when we got out. The worst part was the way back home, we had to take the tube on peek time, and I was carrying my bag plus another bags with books and magazines from the presentation.

Sorry OP, you may think it was 'fine', but unless there was some sort of major disruption you will never know what anyone else really thought.

Glad it went well Mila

Glad it went well! I suspect an iphone on silent is better than colouring, it's possible to be very quietly absorbed.

Shame she didn't manage to listen to you, but she is pretty little so maybe another time.

So how much do you think she gained by playing with your phone and having an ice cream in a slightly different environment then? Did she absorb the full magnitude of your importance at work? Has she gained a deeper understanding of your role in the wider world?