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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to bring DD (3) to a proffessional talk?

145 replies

MilaV · 07/07/2011 20:02

Reason in simple: both XP and my regular bsbysitting will be working at that time. The talk will be about my field, design, with a few prominent people giving their views. I really don't want to miss it, and then I remembered a friend who used to take his child to all places with her. I plan to go with DD and some colouring books and pencils. Of course if she makes noise we'll go out, but I'm quite nervous and at the same time excited about the idea of sharing this part of my life with her. Do you think AIBU? Think they won't let me in?

OP posts:
Ephiny · 07/07/2011 22:03

I wouldn't, it would be boring for your DD (she really won't care about 'sharing that part of your life' at her age!) and would make you look unprofessional.

And that's even if she doesn't annoy people by running around or shouting (which you can't really blame her for if she does, because she's three, and didn't ask to be taken there!).

DogsBestFriend · 07/07/2011 22:04

I think you'll be at risk of your fellow professionals taking a dim view of your decision and of damaging your professional creditability.

I also think, as squeaky does, that you'll be doing working mothers as a whole no favours.

needanewname · 07/07/2011 22:05

You are being very selfish, unreasonable and unprofessional. It is hugely unfair of you to have your child there, for several reasons, the speakers, the other attendees and your child.

You know when you've had a child there are some things you just can't do, its bulshit that you can have it all.

But you've already made your mind up so whats the point of asking?

Gooseberrybushes · 07/07/2011 22:06

This is bizarre. Unless you run a nursery or something I find this extremely odd. "I'm going to go for it" - really? Are you on a mission? Is your professional status so secure that you can risk that?

Ephiny · 07/07/2011 22:06

And I'm sure we all believe that 'children are a part of our lives, a part of our society' Hmm, but that doesn't mean there aren't some occasions where it's more sensible all round if they're at home with a babysitter!

Sounds like you've already made your mind up though.

Gooseberrybushes · 07/07/2011 22:08

I work in a pretty laid back environment with some right-on people and I would not take a 3 y o to a meeting. Quite frankly I don't think anyone is that indispensible and I think your colleagues will agree. They will want the baby not to be there more than they will want you to be there.

LRDTheFeministNutcase · 07/07/2011 22:12

I wouldn't necessarily mind if someone brought their baby to a professional meeting; I wouldn't mind if someone brought their toddler tba - I would mind if they just turned up! That's what I don't understand about this: it's as if the OP really wants to piss of her colleagues/the organizers of this meeting by not even giving them the chance to refuse her.

irregularegular · 07/07/2011 22:12

Well, it's obviously not ideal, but if you want to go and there's no good alternative then I think it's worth a try.

I once took my two (then) pre-school aged children to an Examiners' meeting (I'm a university lecturer). I gave them chocolate cake and colouring stuff and they were good as gold for an hour. I'm sure they helped stop the meeting go and longer than necessary too!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 07/07/2011 22:15

I firmly believe that children are a part of our lives, a part of our society, and I think it would be a good idea.

I firmly believe that you don't give a toss what anyone else thinks, including your colleagues and you're trying to justify this. I wouldn't take my 3yo to something like that in a fit, and I know she'd have a ball with crayons and stickers.

Original poster
MilaV · 07/07/2011 22:16

I am indeed excited to share this with her. I also think that it would be different if it was another type of event, but a talk with people from my field seems fine to me.

However, I will do what one mum suggested, check with the organizers first, but just so MNHQ don't delete this post like SmartyHan suggested ;)

Good night girls!

OP posts:
Gooseberrybushes · 07/07/2011 22:16

If I were a working mother leaving her children at home in childcare I must admit I would not be gruntled at having to tolerate someone else's three year olds in a professional environment.

Gooseberrybushes · 07/07/2011 22:17

Well you meet some brick walls but some are brickier than others....Smile

squeakytoy · 07/07/2011 22:18

I am indeed excited to share this with her

She is 3 ffs... do you seriously expect her to even remember this in years to come??

Gooseberrybushes · 07/07/2011 22:19

The world definitely revolves around someone in that family and it ain't the three year old.

LRDTheFeministNutcase · 07/07/2011 22:23

Mila, FWIW, that was me who suggested checking with organizers and I'm not a mum ... I wanted to post on this because (contrary to popular opinion) all childless people don't think it's inappropriate to see children at professional events. Hope that makes sense.

If you check and they say no, I reckon you have to take it, though!

SmartyHan · 07/07/2011 22:28

Oh God. Why?

"I am indeed excited to share this with her"

SHE IS 3, NOT 13.

Are you a bit dumb?

LolaRennt · 07/07/2011 22:28

YABUnprofessional

Gooseberrybushes · 07/07/2011 22:30

It's not cute mila, and admirable, and aaawwww isn't she being good.

It's like, what's that baby doing here?

BabyDubsEverywhere · 07/07/2011 22:31

Surely if this talk is in your field then this is work based, and rocking up with a toddler just shows you have no childcare...wont this seriously effect your future employment..they will just think your unprofessional and will be taking time off to take care of kids, not exactly hand in hand with career progression is it? Confused

Nanny0gg · 07/07/2011 22:32

And not all parents think it's appropriate for children to be at professional events.
Do children really always have to be included in everything?
Why?

Helenagrace · 07/07/2011 22:32

I tried this once...and my advice would be DON'T!

In the early days of our first company I had a meeting with a VAT Inspector. I had the meeting at home. My then three year old came running out of the toilet shouting "Mummy, Mummy I've done a great big enormous poo. Come and look".

It will end in tears - probably yours.

worraliberty · 07/07/2011 22:33

"I am indeed excited to share this with her"

Why am I getting a 'mung beans and tofu mummy' vibe here? Grin

Gooseberrybushes · 07/07/2011 22:33

I think non-parents could be more tolerant. Parents will be tougher, for sure. In a "get a grip - I have" sort of way.

complexnumber · 07/07/2011 22:34

How can you possibly feel that you will be fully focussed on the material being discussed if you know your 3 yo child could get bored at any moment and break the professional atmosphere within the meeting.

And how can you expect the other adults to be fully focussed with a 3 yo pottering about, demanding your attention and doing other things 3 yo do.

YABVU and also unprofessional.

PeopleCallMeTricky · 07/07/2011 22:34

If the OP thinks she can keep the child quiet during the presentation, and if she will definitely take her out if she does make a noise, where's the problem?