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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to bring DD (3) to a proffessional talk?

145 replies

MilaV · 07/07/2011 20:02

Reason in simple: both XP and my regular bsbysitting will be working at that time. The talk will be about my field, design, with a few prominent people giving their views. I really don't want to miss it, and then I remembered a friend who used to take his child to all places with her. I plan to go with DD and some colouring books and pencils. Of course if she makes noise we'll go out, but I'm quite nervous and at the same time excited about the idea of sharing this part of my life with her. Do you think AIBU? Think they won't let me in?

OP posts:
BimboNo5 · 07/07/2011 22:37

OP you sound like a delluded nerd- no 3 year old is going to give a shit about your talk and will more than likely kick off at some point. I feel you are one of those parents who think its so cute and endearing when little Peregrine is screaming for half an hour solid- arent you?

SmartyHan · 07/07/2011 22:38

NannyOgg

I think it is GOOD that a child is taught that they cannot be be included in everything. Character building perhaps? If a child goes off to school thinking that they can be involved in anything and everything that goes on, whether it be in school plays, art classes or the playground, then they can get an awful shock and a heck of a lot of mickey-taking/bullying.

Mila - You are a precious Mother making your child a precious child, and a nightmare adult. THINK.

Gooseberrybushes · 07/07/2011 22:38

Ok that's enough. Too many too much. Excuse repeat postings - unnecessary.

I think you're wrong but nevertheless I hope your colleagues are patient and it goes ok.

worraliberty · 07/07/2011 22:38

If the OP thinks she can keep the child quiet during the presentation, and if she will definitely take her out if she does make a noise, where's the problem?

Apart from the fact the OP was arrogant enough to assume her child would be welcome without checking...it's a work presentation...not a kids club.

If they allow one, they'll have to allow all next time.

Then what's the point in anyone bothering with paid childcare?

Nanny0gg · 07/07/2011 22:39

How can anyone predict what a three year-old will do?

ChristinedePizan · 07/07/2011 22:40

I would be bloody furious if I were giving a talk and someone rocked up with a three year old.

LRDTheFeministNutcase · 07/07/2011 22:40

gooseberry - yeah, makes sense.

I have occasionally been to things where a mum has brought breastfed newborn, and that seemed to be fine with virtually everyone. I think there may well be a professional way of dealing with a childcare crisis that involves bringing your child to work for an hour - but, judging from the OP, this is not it!

HelloKlitty · 07/07/2011 22:41

She can if she wants. We're talking about a CHILD here...not a dragon!

It's other women who make life hell for working Mothers as far as I can see.

If we all stuck together and made our children more a part of life, then it would be much easier.

venusandmars · 07/07/2011 22:41

"of course if she makes noise, I'l take her out" But at which point do you decide she'd made noise that warrants being taken out? The very first squeak? The first time she says anything? The first time she drops her crayons on the floor? Each of those could cause a disturbance.

If I were the speaker, and I'd spent time thinking about the audience, their interests and preparing a presentation for them, I'd be bloody furious about a) a disturbance by a child; b) a further disturbance as their parent tried to quieten them; c) the distrubance caused by someone leaving (with said child) in the middle of the presentation.

YABU

PatriciaHolm · 07/07/2011 22:42

Share what with her? She'll get nothing from the experience. Other than bored.

I appreciate your issue; working parenthood is awkward, and many of us here know that. But sometimes you are going to have to miss stuff you would like to be part of because of it. Unless it's a REALLY laid back event (and they agree it's OK), she'll be unwanted, and an unprofessional distraction, which will do your professional standing no favours.

But hey, you're not actually taking any notice of anything we say, are you?

Sheilathegreat · 07/07/2011 22:42

Am sure this isn't necessarily a bad idea and I am very Hmm at one individual's actions giving all working mothers a bad name.

I'm pretty sure at 3 her daughter will learn something about her mum's job. My DD (also 3) came and sat in my office for an hour when we had a childcare emergency over 6 months ago and she still talks about it.

HelloKlitty · 07/07/2011 22:43

Venus Because no ADULT ever creates a disturbance do they? they don't whisper, have mobiles which go off, or cough and drop things do they? Hmm

worraliberty · 07/07/2011 22:45

What's she going to learn about her Mum's job by going to a presentation?

At best she's going to think her mum sits there all day listening to people presenting stuff?

umf · 07/07/2011 22:47

Babies (perhaps not toddlers) come to seminars and lectures all the time in my university dept.

The female academics (and the few male ones with primary childcaring responsibilities) have taken a tacit but collective decision that it's the only way to stop childbearing utterly destroying our careers.

This image of "professional" as unattached, responsibility-free, perfectly presented, 24/7 workers is profoundly anti-women and anti-family. I think it's a huge mistake for women to buy into it as many of the posters today seem to have done.

(But more to the point - depends on the child. I wouldn't do it with either of my chatterboxes, but I know children who'd be fine.)

Gooseberrybushes · 07/07/2011 22:48

Aren't all presentations a bit of a waste of time?

I don't think I've ever been to one that wasn't except for one of my hobbies.

LRDTheFeministNutcase · 07/07/2011 22:48

Hello, surely you wouldn't normally turn up with another adult in tow either? It may be a simple matter of, is there enough space?

The OP initially wanted to turn up without warning because it'd be such fun for her DD - the fact she didn't think it might be good to check ahead is a bit revealing, isn't it?! And inevitably taking the child out would be distracting for everyone else.

None of this is insurmountable - but the OP's attitude is liable to put everyone's backs up.

Gooseberrybushes · 07/07/2011 22:49

UMF isn't that what work creches were for? Maybe they'll make a comeback. Were they done for by elf n safety?

worraliberty · 07/07/2011 22:50

I don't know if all presentations are a waste of time.

But what I do know is, if someone puts themselves out to attend one...they shouldn't have to be disturbed by children.

Which is exactly what would happen, should the OP set some sort of trend.

In the end, why would anyone bother paying a CM if they don't have to?

Sheilathegreat · 07/07/2011 22:50

That's something isn't it worral? Smile

I suppose what I mean is that she'll watch how her mum works/interacts in a work environment which is bound to be quite different to at home with her.

Don't get me wrong- I wouldn't want to take my DD to a talk that I really hoped to make the most of but if it was the only way and I felt confident she'd be welcome I really don't see the problem or why some posters have got so pissed off with the OP.

venusandmars · 07/07/2011 22:51

helloklitty yes of course they do, but not as a premeditated act. If someone posted "shall I leave my mobile phone on in a presentation" I'd answer the same.

And yes I have taken my dc into work during an emergency, but not anything that could be described as 'a profesisonal meeting'

ChristinedePizan · 07/07/2011 22:51

Babies are one thing. I don't have a problem at all with babies at lectures. But apart from anything else, I think it's a bit unfair on a 3 year old to expect them to sit in silence while you totally ignore them for an hour.

Scuttlebutter · 07/07/2011 22:53

YABU, OP, not that you seem to care what people think. This is disrespectful to your other colleagues and doesn't do a lot for the image of working women. I'd also question the H & S implications of taking a mobile toddler round a workplace - are you going to sue if she bumps her head on a table corner, pokes her finger in a plug socket, falls down the stairs or eats a marker pen?

If I was the presenter, I'd be hugely unimpressed, and if you were one of my staff, I'd insist on you taking the child home. If you run your own business and you are the boss, then feel free to ignore what I've said. Workplaces are that - they are not nurseries. There may well be a debate to be had about the presence of DC in the workplace but simply turning up with your toddler is not how that debate should be started, and is certainly not how it will be won.

worraliberty · 07/07/2011 22:53

Sheila I think that's the thing here...the OP didn't know if the child would be welcome.

Personally I think it smacks of arrogance and entitlement to simply turn up with a child in tow.

Almost as bad as atttending a child free wedding with sprogs Grin

LRDTheFeministNutcase · 07/07/2011 22:54

Christine - agree it seems very mean to the three-year-old. Sad

Hufflepuzzpig · 07/07/2011 22:55

I'm a giraffe.