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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset at this children's party?

452 replies

sadaboutthismum · 07/07/2011 19:19

I'm not sure if I am or not .
DD came home tonight and told me, very matter of factly, that a child in her class is having a year 6 leavers party and disco at his house. He was giving out invitations this week in front of the children who have not been invited. Two teachers are going aswell..

There are 37 children in the year group. 32 have been invited. My DD is one of the children that hasn't.

Obviously I won't do anything but I feel sad that an adult has organised a big, special party and excluded 5 children from it.

DD has never fallen out with this child, BTW. I don't know, I have quite a good sense of fair play and to me that means all children in a big party situation are invited. Obviously very different for a small party .

OP posts:
pigletmania · 10/07/2011 22:11

Well I don't particularly like them, but kids do and its only once. Its cheap, they clean up and it has a lovely soft play area, saves a fortune

pigletmania · 10/07/2011 22:11

The children are having fun and are all together, thats what matters not how much you spend, or where it is.

InLimboAgain · 10/07/2011 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 10/07/2011 22:30

Well its all we can afford, noway am I having it at my house. Last year I just had 3 preschoolers and the mess was horrendous, and some of dh tv equipment was damaged. Thought never again

Original poster
sadaboutthismum · 11/07/2011 09:35

Thank you all for all your support.

I spoke to teacher this morning who is still trying to get to the bottom of it but it is a difficult situation as it's a private party.

it looks as if the child has been given a maximum number of invitees which is between 6 and 10 short of the whole year group.

To me, if you haven't got the space/cannot afford to host a party for everyone, either hire the church hall and enlist other mums to help with the food and costetc or don't do it at all.
Smacks of oneupmanship without the means to do it properly, to me.

I will update again when I have more details, teacher may know more today.

OP posts:
BoattoHogwartsviaBolivia · 11/07/2011 09:45

The crucial question is, are the staff still going?

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 11/07/2011 09:49

I have been lurking on this waiting for an update.
It is not really a leavers party then if some of the class aren't invited, it is and end of year party for the cool kids.
It really is an awful thing to do to a small number and agree with thos who have said it might be worth getting the forgotten kids together and do something special for them.

ZZZenAgain · 11/07/2011 09:51

yes, I wonder if it works to have a maximum number of people who can be invited to what is being billed as a class leavers' party.

It sounds to me as if certain people were simply excluded. This k6-10 couldn't come because of space problems etc is a bit odd. If the teachers were not invited, presumably 2 more dc could come. In actual fact 5 out of 37 were, it seems, excluded. That would leave 3 who could not fit in the maxmum number.

Really sounds to me as if 5 were specifically not wanted there, I'm sorry.

What are you going to do about sad?

spiderpig8 · 11/07/2011 10:13

last year I didn't have a party for any of my 4 kids and saved £600.

TheCrunchyside · 11/07/2011 11:25

Sadabout

So you are presented with a "not my fault -venue to small" reason - very convenient.

Even if this is true the parents did know that a few kids would have to be excluded and decided to go ahead with this venue anyway. Did they not think how hurt those not invited would be? Or did they think: "that's life kiddies better get used to it"

How did the parents help the boy select who came? As it is unlikely that all of the other 40 children as his best friends then some other criteria was obviously used.

Very cruel and not at all cool. Can you face asking the mum for a list of those not invited and say you are going to do a party for them as you know how left out they feel? I would ask the teachers to turn down the main party and to come along to your party (even if if just briefly) so the kids feel special and to send a message to the rest of the class that those kids - geeks and otherwise are valued.

ZZZenAgain · 11/07/2011 11:29

If you can fit 32 dc and two teachers in somewhere (which is quite a few people). I really don't see how you cannot fit in 37 dc. This is a disco and not a sit-down meal

She was just saying something or other IMO because she felt put on the spot.

Lucyinthepie · 11/07/2011 11:29

Oh no, the teachers need to step out of both the original party and any geeks party that gets organised!!

jeee · 11/07/2011 11:39

So are the teachers going? If they are, now that they know that some children have been left out, it is unacceptable and I think you should take it up with the head.

Hope you and your daughter do something lovely instead.

Jajas · 11/07/2011 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Summerbird73 · 11/07/2011 11:50

I really wouldnt want DS to go to this party, it would feel like we got in 'on appeal' and they may get bullied and teased about it as a result. IIRC your DD wasnt too bothered anyway, if that is correct then i would leave it as it seems that you are more upset by it than her (not a criticism - i would be fuming!)

InLimboAgain · 11/07/2011 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

share · 11/07/2011 12:31

If space is limited why, amongst many other questions, invite teachers? Poor excuse not reason it's a poor excuse. Well done to the mum for behaving like a prized pratt.

Callisto · 11/07/2011 12:37

How pathetic to organise a 'leavers party' and then not invite some of the leavers. She must have known how many children there are in the year before she started to organise it, how fucking mean, thoughtless and selfish to leave 5 out. And if you're inviting the whole year, five children isn't going to make a huge difference to numbers anyway. Stupid woman. Hope your DD is ok Sadabout.

TartyMcFarty · 11/07/2011 12:57

This child's parents are obviously keen to be perceived as popular. Oh if only they knew how many people were hating them and their mean spirited attitude right now.

controlpantsandgladrags · 11/07/2011 13:33

Just found this thread and wanted to add that the teachers absolutely shouldn't go. How on earth can the mother condone this??? It absolutely beggars belief to me. Almost acceptable if it were a birthday party, but to label it a leaving party and not invite all those who are leaving is just a shit thing to do.

I would find out the names of the others not invited and plan something special for them.

begonyabampot · 11/07/2011 13:38

Sucks if they saying that is the reason and it's not a genuine misunderstanding. Knowing that now, I wouldn't want her to go as she obviously wasn't wanted. I would want some kind of revenge though and for this mum to know what she had done and how badly these kids feel to be left out -and of course for all the other parents to know as well.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 11/07/2011 13:43

I wonder if the parents of the children who have been invited realise that some have been excluded this way?

I would absolutely not allow my ds to go to this party if I realised that this was the case, and I bet other parents would feel the same. In fact I like to think I'd approach to OP and see if she'd like to do something together (not a rival party, just a bit of a daytrip or something).

I would be mortified if I found out after the event.

smallwhitecat · 11/07/2011 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pearlym · 11/07/2011 13:52

Something similar once happened to me at a leaving do at work, I said to the woman who organised it, something like" I see yuo forgot to invite me.."with big grin on face adn genuinely thinking she had and she said, cool as a cucumber, " oh, no it's to do with numbers". I have never forgotten that and still find it incredible that people can be such txxxs, particularly when kids are involved. I think that if mine were part of the favoured group I would boycott and try to get others to boycott. If yuo are invitign more than 50% or so to a party, then I think, IMHO that yuo shuold invite the whole lot of them .In fact this whole thing has made my blood boil, the teachers should NOT go, in fact, once told the circs, they should say no and tell the organisers why, i.e. that not favouring the "in gang". Can't believe that this was done..........so cruel.

TheCrackFox · 11/07/2011 14:08

I would be taking this up with the HT as it is incredibly unprofessional that teachers have agreed to go when some pupils have been deliberately excluded.