AIBU to expect my SIL NOT to open a parcel addressed to my nephew?

[alison222]

I sent a birthday present to my nephew and had a message today to say it had arrived safely and that she approved of my choice of wrapping paper. This means she opened the parcel addressed to him. I had marked it with sender on it so she knew it was from me and she told me what he would like so she knows what it is. He will be 9. Part of the pleasure of getting a parcel is to be able to open it yourself surely?

SDTG "The bottom line on this is whether the nephew's birthday experience is going to be spoiled by not opening the brown wrapping paper as well as the gift wrap"
No, it isn't.
the bottom line is that the fact of the receiving the parcel through the post has been taken away from the child

SDTG again - that situation is different, because I would assume that the package wouldn't be addressed to a specific child, if both are in there.
I personally in that situation would make sure that I addressed it to the parent, therefore it being the parent's packet, and therefore okay to open it.

so it must be very important.

YABU. She took the parcel out of the brown wrapping paper that's all. Talk about being precious. The child is only going to 9 not 19.

DC do get excited by arriving post - something came in the post for them and it is an event - unlike my constant stream of bills! Having said that it is NOT A BIG DEAL at all and I wonder why you have an expectation around it OP. You would do it one way (I would do it your way too) but your SIL does it another - whoop, whoop

the joy of knowing it had arrived by post

I suppose you could always tell them?
Does seem like a funny thing to mind about.

Nickelbabe - as I said - presumeably the SIL knows her ds well enough to know he won't mind not opening the brown paper - like I know my dses wouldn't be bothered either, so we carry on doing it. But if a child does enjoy unwrapping the brown parcel too, they should get to do it, and the parent shouldn't do it for them. Different people place differing weight on this issue, so you can't make one hard and fast rule.

YANBU. It's addressed to your DN - the clue is in the name on the front of the parcel.

Why does your SIL get to decide which bits of your nephew's mail is private and which are fine for her to open? How old does he have to be before she stops doing this? Does she get to read his diary too if she feels like it? It's all the same mindset - that she has the right to set his privacy boundaries for him. She doesn't (unless she suspects serious risk to him, for example suspected grooming on the internet could justify looking at online stuff, but that kind of concern obviously doesn't apply to parcels form his aunt).

Am a bit at the poster who thinks that 9yo children shouldn't have any privacy. I grew up in a house like that and it was awful.

Malcolm - but it's seeing the parcel in its original packaging, knowing that the last person to touch the wrapping and its contents were the person who lovingly sent it!
seeing your name on the address label, working out who it is from from the handwriting and the postmark (turning it over to see the return address is the last thing, once you can't work it out form the other clues!), seeing how heavy it is, how much it cost to post, what stamps were used, etc etc.
even if it's something you expected, it all adds up to the excitement of having something sent to you through the post !

SDTG - i bet you anything that that child has never been given the choice.

Dear god, what sort of child would do that?

I think it is frankly peculiar to fetishize the leaving of a present in brown paper, to be honest!

YANBU, part of the excitement of getting a parcel in the post is the brown wrapping paper too

What if they use one of those white padded envelopes?

Fetishize? I think it's peculiar to view a child's excitement at opening a parcel as a fetish.

Fetishise doesn't have to be to do with sex! I just think all this maundering on about how excited your child is going to get looking at the stamp and thinking about who touched it last is frankly bizarre!

Malcolm - i think you're being grossly unfair about this description.

of course it's not a bloody fetish.
It's just a desire to see exciting things in all things.

Whie padded envelopes are exactly the same.

all post is the same, whether it's a letter from the library or a bill or a bank statement or a parcel.
how can some of you not see this?

Why do so many MNers get so upset when a letter from the GP that shoudl be addressed to the parent is addressed to the child? because a person's post is fort heir eyes only and so it should be

FFS inthenightkitchen - what bloody lunacy you're spouting!

it's nto a fucking fetish.
it's a fucking right a person enshrined in law to open the post that is addressed to them.
the fact it has come through the post is exciting enough - to a child or to an adult.

what the fuck gives you the right to take that joy away from a child?

www.unicef.org/crc/files/Rights_overview.pdf
"Article 12 (Respect for the views of the child): When adults are making decisions that affect children, children have the right to say what they think should happen and have their opinions taken into account."

It's pretty clear, that.
It means that the child should be able to decide for himself whether he gets to open his own post or not.

Inthenightkitchen - you're being a twat. stop it now please.

pmsl at this thread!

The child won't care. Am that the OP and so many of you care! And am double that several people have spouted legalities!

I think some people need some bigger things to think about!