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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect my SIL NOT to open a parcel addressed to my nephew?

156 replies

alison222 · 06/07/2011 16:11

I sent a birthday present to my nephew and had a message today to say it had arrived safely and that she approved of my choice of wrapping paper. This means she opened the parcel addressed to him. I had marked it with sender on it so she knew it was from me and she told me what he would like so she knows what it is. He will be 9. Part of the pleasure of getting a parcel is to be able to open it yourself surely?

OP posts:
Original poster
alison222 · 06/07/2011 20:04

Stella says his birthday is tomorrow and she texted me when it was still school time

OP posts:
Maryz · 06/07/2011 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cardibach · 06/07/2011 20:43

Maryz I would never open something private like a bank statement - or even want to. Removing the brown paper froma parcel is not the same thing.
alison222, just because it was opened before the birthday doesn't mean the child didn't do it. Perhaps your SiL let the child open the brown paper then put it away.
In any case, I don't see a problem.

Maryz · 06/07/2011 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeadfirstForHalos · 06/07/2011 20:50

Yanbu. A parcel arriving in the post wrapped in Brown PAper is far more exciting than any colourfully wrapped regular present. The whole getting something through the Post makes it more special.

I wouldn't open it.

HeadfirstForHalos · 06/07/2011 20:54

Some people just don't seem able to show a child the same respect they would an adult. You wouldn't open an adults parcel, why does the fact he is 9 make it different?

HappySeven · 06/07/2011 20:59

I am not fond of my uncle (big family falling out) and he never sent very good presents but I loved receiving them as a child because they came through the post and I loved seeing them addressed to me. He used to get his secretary to wrap them and they would be really difficult to get into as they were covered in sellotape. Somehow it made me feel really special. One of my happiest memories of childhood birthdays but then maybe I'm a bit sad.

reelingintheyears · 06/07/2011 21:05

I wouldn't have opened the brown paper parcel but it's not the end of the world.
Perhaps she thought they'd like it better to see the birthday wrapping first..

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/07/2011 21:09

YANBU. It is very exciting as a child to get something through the post, seems a bit mean to deprive them of that.

nectarina · 06/07/2011 21:21

YANBU - what is it with these posters going on about 'boring' brown parcels. Have you forgotten the words to 'my favourite things' from the sound of music?

2rebecca · 06/07/2011 22:23

If I'm sending a parcel for my nephew's birthday I address it to his parents. The wrapping paper and card inside are addressed to him.
If they are out it's easier for them to collect it if in their name, plus I don't regard the brown packing as part of the parcel

thursday · 06/07/2011 22:32

i'd remove the brown paper of a childs birthday present so that it looked like a present. it would never occur to me that anyone would get upset about that tbh. i do enjoy opening parcels though so i take that point. maybe once they're older and express an interest in opening 2 layers of packaging rather than seeing it as an inconvenience to be overcome to get to the present then i'll stop.

exoticfruits · 06/07/2011 22:53

If your DCs are not excited at receiving something through the post then you are not depriving them. I have asked if I can hide it away. Different families have different traditions for birthdays-I don't see anything wrong in that. Ours is to hide them away without brown paper-a solution arrived at together. (Maybe mine are odd but when they were little they didn't even like taking off the wrapping paper).

exoticfruits · 06/07/2011 22:55

I do the same as you, 2rebecca-I don't regard the brown packing as part of it. The outside is addressed to parents and the inside to the DC.

exoticfruits · 06/07/2011 22:56

I also don't see the post excitement when it comes early and you are going to whisk it away from them until the day-much better not to see it until the day.

IloveJudgeJudy · 06/07/2011 23:00

YANBU. I cannot understand anyone opening a present that someone has taken the time and trouble to wrap and send in the post. The parcel was addressed to the nephew, not the mother so the mother should not have opened it at all. I'm with Maryz on this. I don't open any post belonging to anyone else. I might be almost bursting with curiosity and ask the DC what the letter is about, but I would not open it. I think it's a shame for any child not to be able to look at the stamps, read the frank and see if they can guess who it's from.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 06/07/2011 23:17

The bottom line on this is whether the nephew's birthday experience is going to be spoiled by not opening the brown wrapping paper as well as the gift wrap. I know my children wouldn't be bothered, so will carry on taking off the brown packaging. Presumeably the SIL knows the nephew isn't going to be upset either, so she's done it too. But if you or your child is going to be upset by not doing the brown paper too, leave it on. It's that simple.

I also have the position where ds2 and ds3's birthdays are just over a week apart, so people send one parcel with both gifts in it - so who should get the 'fun' of unwrapping the brown paper? It wouldn't be fair for it always to be the boy with the earlier birthday (plus the other ds would see his present emerge from the brown paper, and wouldn't be allowed to open it, which would be such fun for him), and it equally would be pretty mean to make him wait until his brother's birthday, so his brother can unwrap the brown paper, and then they can both get their presents.

exoticfruits · 06/07/2011 23:24

I am a bit astounded at all these DCs who want to see the stamp and guess who it is from etc-I don't know any like that. They wouldn't like it if you opened the present, but you are taking off the boring outer wrapping.

I can see that I must always continue my policy of addressing the outer one to the parents and the inner one to the DC, if people think it is so important. Generally, if it comes on the day and they get the actual parcel they then hand it over because they can't get through the sellotape.

takethisonehereforastart · 07/07/2011 00:26

Perhaps the brown paper was damaged in the post and she can see the wrapping paper through it?

When I was little I loved to get a brown paper parcel through the post though, it felt very exciting and grown up, so I wouldn't open any like that for LO. Although as yet he is probably too young to know or care.

So I don't think YABU if she really has opened it for him.

Mumwithadragontattoo · 07/07/2011 01:30

I think it's like the big enders and the little enders (which is the correct end to open a boiled egg). There are those who like opening the brown paper and those who don't and never the twain shall meet.

nickelbabe · 07/07/2011 10:35

spoke to my DH about this last night, and he was as shocked as me at those who think it's okay to open the DC's mail.

and he's a postman - he's surrounded by post all day, every day, and he still gets excited when he gets a parcel (like he said, "even when it's something I've ordered, like a CD, i still get a buzz when it arrives. Ooooh, i've got a packet!"

nickelbabe · 07/07/2011 10:38

oh, and my swimming friend says that she doesn't understand how a brightly-wrapped present can possibly be more exciting than "a parcel that my Auntie has sent me through the post!"

Malcontentinthemiddle · 07/07/2011 10:43

But if you were at home and the kids were out when the parcel arrived, then they still wouldn't get the inestimable joy of seeing it arrive in the post, would they? So are you cheating them by accepting it from Postie - or should you make him return on the day of the birthday breakfast? Or what if you have to collect it from the depot? Should you only do it if you can take birthday boy with you?

People know their own kids and can be trusted to make a call on whether that kid would be excited to open some brown paper or not.

4madboys · 07/07/2011 10:47

what a fuss, she left it in the wrapping paper so its STILL wrapped, seriously load of fuss about nothing. my elder boys will open parcels if they are here when they arrive but if it has brown paper round it i will take it out of that, sometimes if i can be bothered, my sil likes to wrap things up in a million layers of paper and tape and it takes scissors and lots of cursing to get into the dam thing so if its for the little ones i will do it for them and depending on my mood i will for the elder ones.

my sil also sellotapes letter shut as well, total pita to open and not necessary.

nickelbabe · 07/07/2011 10:51

Malcolm - they wouldn't get the joy of it arriving , but they would still get the joy of knowing it had arrived by post
that's the difference.
It's the joy of getting something through the post!

I'm about to send out my own nephew's birthday present.
As usual, it is being sent in a jiffy bag, marked with his name.
there is no birthday wrapping inside.
the jiffy bag is the wrapping.
He will be given it in this state on his birthday, and will have fun opening it knowing it's come from his auntie and uncle through the post.

He will be 10 (i think....) and I have always done it this way.
I usually text my sister to check it has arrived, but she wouldn't dream of opening it instead of him!