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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to expect my SIL NOT to open a parcel addressed to my nephew?

156 replies

alison222 · 06/07/2011 16:11

I sent a birthday present to my nephew and had a message today to say it had arrived safely and that she approved of my choice of wrapping paper. This means she opened the parcel addressed to him. I had marked it with sender on it so she knew it was from me and she told me what he would like so she knows what it is. He will be 9. Part of the pleasure of getting a parcel is to be able to open it yourself surely?

OP posts:

Trinaluce · 06/07/2011 16:44

YANBU - technically, if you want to get REALLY picky about it she's broken the law - it's illegal to open post addressed to someone else...

nickelbabe · 06/07/2011 16:44

interception of communications act 1985

Trinaluce · 06/07/2011 16:45

Memo to self: don't start to write out a reply then get distracted before posting - sorry nickel

BluddyMoFo · 06/07/2011 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ajandjjmum · 06/07/2011 16:46

I don't think it's illegal to open a parcel addressed to your child. [sceptical]

Original poster

alison222 · 06/07/2011 16:46

OK I may admit I'm in the minority here .
but as breathslowly and Laweasel say it spoils the "postiness" of it. I was always excited to get a parcel through the post and TBH I always expected to see wrapping paper underneath too. I would have been disappointed if someone had opened it for me. Often there would be a letter for my mum, addressed to her in an envelope which I would hand over - but if it was addressed to me and she knew what it was she would never have dreamed of opening it. To me it is like opening someone else's post. - Now if I had ordered something from the shop and asked her to wrap it that would be a different kettle of fish. I did that one year and sent wrapping paper too - and tongue in cheek ( I hope) she complained I forgot the sellotape.

OP posts:

ajandjjmum · 06/07/2011 16:47

ok then and

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/07/2011 16:47

Even if there is a letter inside for the parent, why can't the child open the parcel (as posted), remove the letter and give it to whomever it's for? There do seem to be a lot of control freaks with issues. Presents through the post are different from family presents... they just are.

What's the real reason for opening them?

MackerelOfFact · 06/07/2011 16:47

Is it also unreasonable to remove birthday cards delivered by post before the recipients birthday and hide them until the big day, or should they be immediately handed over to the addressee? Surely a certain amount of parental postal regulation is permissable regarding birthdays?

I don't agree that it removes the excitement; presents are exciting regardless they're hand-delivered or delivered by post. The DC simply won't know how it arrived, but which 9-year-old really cares how their presents got there?

Insomnia11 · 06/07/2011 16:48

I on the other hand, am incredulous that anyone thinks the OP is being remotely reasonable.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 06/07/2011 16:49

YABU!!!

I send to to dsis on the understanding that she will open it, I also open anything for the dd's (as I do with any of their mail, they are under 16 (6, 4 and 2) and therefore shouldn't be receiving anthing that I do not know about anyway ( as for offence to inter with mail he's 9!!! Ha Ha Ha )

nickelbabe · 06/07/2011 16:50

Mackerel - that's different in that you aren't opening the post, and on the day, the recipient gets to have loads of things to open.

It is beyond horrible that anyone would deprive a child of the joy of getting a parcel/letter/whatever through the post!

KatieWatie · 06/07/2011 16:50

She has broken the law and the nephew should report her.

Original poster

alison222 · 06/07/2011 16:52

yeah ok so I have my control issues too. I hide cards and parcels til the big day. .
Was very surprised to get call from MIL on Sunday thanking us for her present. Her birthday was yesterday but SIL had invited her round on Sun and given it to her ( joint present from us all). DH said when he heard "No self control my mother" rolling his eyes. :)

OP posts:

LaWeasel · 06/07/2011 16:52

It's not the same as holding back mail at all.

To me, it would be like collecting all DDs birthday cards opening them and putting them on display for her, because obviously, it's just an envelope and I know what's inside.

But DD loves opening them.

Parcels are covered in special stamps and postmarks and maybe I just got a lot of crap presents but the fact that I had got parcels was generally much more exciting than what was inside!

nickelbabe · 06/07/2011 16:52

bsides which Doris at NINE the child is old enough to know that he's been deprived of that pleasure.

Kayzr · 06/07/2011 16:55

Seriously?? Deprive a child of the joy of opening a parcel?
I doubt very much a 9 year old cares how his birthday present got to his house. It has the birthday wrapping paper on it. It's not like she completely unwrapped and took it out of the box and played with it.

DilysPrice · 06/07/2011 16:56

YABU, I whisk birthday presents off the mat and hide them until the day, if the DCs are there when they arrive then we make a fuss about the excitement and I then take them away - I also strip them of brown paper and 19 layers of Sellotape so they can be presented in their shiny wrapping papery glory on the big day.

If they get a random thing in the post however then I save it for them to open of course, because that is Quite Different mostly because it won't have wrapping paper on it.

5Foot5 · 06/07/2011 16:59

Another one thinks YADNBU. Astonished that anyone thinks YABU.

At NINE he is definitely old enough to get pleasure in opening a brown paper parcel.

I am nearly 49 and I would be annoyed if anyone opened my parcels for me , even if it was just the brown paper wrapping.

Strikes me that the parcel openers on this thread are just trying to steal a bit of their DCs parcel-opening pleasure for themselves!

nickelbabe · 06/07/2011 17:02

Kayzr - how on earth do you not see?

I love opening parcels, always have! even now, when I have to pay or the parcels I receive, i get a huge buzz from receiving them and opening them.

When I was 9, I would always be the first to the letterbox.
in fact, in my house, growing up, it was a race to the letterbox when the post arrived (and when I say Race, i'm including my dad )
it's just a great pleasure to receive post, and taking it out of the original packaging is just horrid. horrid and mean.

Insomnia11 · 06/07/2011 17:03

My daughter got something in the post yesterday - a pair of roller skates I am giving her for her birthday which I ordered from an online skate shop. She said "Is that parcel for me?" and I said "Yes but it's for your birthday, you'll have to wait until then" (it's next week). She said "Woo! OK!"

I suppose by taking it away and wrapping it up I'm "depriving her of the joy of having something arrive in the post". I mean if she hadn't noticed the parcel I wouldn't even have told her about it.

Also if relatives send stuff by post, I will be taking the outer wrapper off, finding out who it's from and texting them to say it has arrived safely, as things do go astray from time to time.

I quite assure you, she will be 6 next week and there is no possible 'extra' excitement whether an item arrived by post, bicycle, car, courier, carrier pigeon or pedalo.

(Actually carrier pigeon may be rather exciting, if just for the cats).

Kayzr · 06/07/2011 17:05

I just think its strange. I know when I was younger my parents took the brown wrapping paper off and I couldn't care less that I didn't get to open it. I also know that my boys couldn't care less if they don't open the brown paper as long as they get the present.

Maybe it's because the only presents they get in the post are from DP's parents and his Mum puts about 10 rolls of brown tape on them so they are impossible to open without scissors and sharp knives.

nickelbabe · 06/07/2011 17:06

Insomnia - you haven't deprived her of opening the packet.
She saked what it was, you said it's for her birthday and that it would be hidden.
I personally would expect to receive that packet in the same state it arrived.
not opened.
with my name on the front.

MsTeak · 06/07/2011 17:07

they'll only get to open one layer of wrapping instead of two?! better start saving now for the therapist, they'll never get over the disappointment!

or perhaps they'll be just a small bit distracted by the actual present. If not, you could remind them not to be an ungrateful sod when someone has gone to the bother of sending them a present?

Insomnia11 · 06/07/2011 17:07

People who enjoy opening brown paper parcels need to shop online more...

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