to be forced to marry into the house of Dracul-Palanquin?

[Hullygully]

Ah. H really is an arse. I think you'll just have to acknowledge that to ds2.

That is all very hard. Shall I kill him?

My instinct is to talk to ds1. Just thought I'd give him a day to absorb it all. Can't let it go on, it is the elephant in the room.
Why do I have 3 wonderful sensitive children whose father is so fucking useless?
The mediation woman was neutral and non-judgmental but even she was stumped when h said, more than once, "The children are secondary." No, if it weren't for the children we wouldn't be here because I'd have left you without a backwards glance and now I'm trying to sort out where they live and how you will support them as you keep threatening to go to a war zone to get away from the CSA.

Yes, I have now acknowledged that to ds2. With the caveat that things change and he may well get on with his dad in the future.

Yes, you should kill h.

mediated honesty is the only way you can validate the children's feelings, and they need to know what they feel is ok.

Brave Girl.

We are all behind you Fids. We are rootin and tootin for you.

Have sent dd out on her bike for ice-cream with a friend.
Boys upstairs clowning about and laughing and on Xbox. Think ds1 is making an effort with his younger brother and I don't think it's a coincidence.

H has just turned up. 3 nights this week probably means trouble with gf.

As reluctant as I am to sell the house, I can't afford it on my own and I do not want to live somewhere where h turns up unexpected and unwanted.
Thank you for the support. IPOAT Hall seems v tempting as a new home.

Sell the house. Yoy deffo need your own place where he doesn't feel he has the right to come and go at will. What does he do when he turns up? (apart from cause trouble)

I do know I'll have to sell, just hoped it wouldn't come to that. Everything's been so up in the air job-wise (his and mine) this last year so it's all dragged on. Plus it's a different housing market here and a small village so renting v hard too. But yes, the time has come.

What he does? Comes home, says "Hello, how was school?" to the children. Spends the evening in his room. The children used to watch German TV in his room but I can't remember when they did last. He doesn't eat with us. They go to bed without a goodnight from him, aren't used to it, come and find me.

Typing this I am aware he's different tonight. Has gone into the orchard to pick apples with dd. But then he's often had bursts of doing things with the children, usually short-lived.

IPOAT rootin and tootin, that helps.

Oh, he still lives there then? I thought he'd moved out for some reason. Dreadful. Be staunch.

He comes and goes. Some weeks he's here 2 nights a week, some weeks none, then as this week, unusually 3 in a row.

Ds2 has just told me he missed 3 hours of lessons in school today because he was crying, he overheard h and ds1 talking about living together when I sent him down, unawares, to get his PE kit. The school are great with him, thankfully.

Staunch is a good word. I at least have a contract till next summer, still part-time unfortunately. Am now going to snuggle up with and read to dd, she's going to bed and is very unsettled.
Thanks again, it's helped to vent here and (try to) articulate what the hell's going on.

P.S. Please do kill. The trial would be spectacular and of course you'd be exonerated.

Hully dear girl. Mwah, mwah. Glad you made it home. < discretely inspects neck>
Sorry to hear about all the arse h stuff Fids. sending homeopathic-telepathic gin. It sounds as if you are doing a great job trying to keep communications clear, even if it is stressful. I will repair to the cave and do a bit of wailing on your behalf, it drives away the evils you know.
Do you have a support network for yourself nearby?

Quick response while dd is reading " one whole complete chapter by myself but that's all and then you come Mummy" (we're an hour ahead)
Support network v limited and diminished by the separation. Also v aware of being spectre at the feast and don't want to be always the "Oh isn't it awful" topic.
Have very much appreciated the few people here especially this summer who have without mentioning a word, just known and helped. Few in number but very much appreciated.

For details though, I turn to you wonderful lot instead.
And h has gone on his new motorbike to gf. Peace in the Fiderer household tonight.
(since separation: gf 15 years younger, motorbike, tattoo, leather trousers, odd beardy thing - mmmh, what a catch)

Oh dear. A man with a 'crisis'. Am wondering where you are Fid? location that is. pm if you want to.

God Fiderer how awful for you, I am so sorry.

Do come and vent on here, we will provide gin tea and sympathy. He is obviously an arse though.

I have lots of lovely ideas to ruin help facilitate the mid-life crisis. I strongly recommend complimenting him on straggly beard and urging more growth of same....

Fids. I don't know how old you are, but take it from an old gal, there is a future of loveliness (I don't mean just men!). And all kids really need is structure and boundaries to make them feel safe. With your love and support they will be fine. Its shit that you have to be the grown up all the time, but hey, you and I both know that is what we signed up for having kids. Pity the twats that didn't realise it, and whose kids, once grown up, with judge.

Oh Fids, what crap for you. Hugs from here too. Sorry not to have anything more helpful to say. x

I don't understand this thread at all. Is it essential that I watch some telly in order to join in?

Oh dear. I see it has gone all serious and supportive and stuff. Sorry Fids. I still don't understand the thread though.

No telly needed at all fellatio. Just creative madness, a leaning towards gin and an urge to tat.

Oh and real life intrudes occasionally

So who is Dracule-Palanthingy? Don't tell me Hully has been home five minutes and she's made up a weirdy quiche?

FN: no telly-watching required. Just an acquaintance with 'Jane Eyre'; a love of adventure; a sense of mischief. And some mutual support.

Appreciation of crinolines and, ermm, frangipani is an optional extra.

Appreciation of Johnny Depp a bonus.

All welcome.

Ooh, xpost with Mini! Forgot about the gin (how could I?) and the tatting.