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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that I am not shallow because I prefer to be slim and well groomed

82 replies

GetOrf · 05/07/2011 12:52

I don't give a monkeys what anyone else does. But why do people see fit to judge just because someone wants to go on a diet in order to be slim, and because I spend time and money on what I look like.

Was talking to SIL (I don't like her anyway) at the weekend - at MIL's house. Talking about diets. MIL is going to weightwatchers, I just said that I am going to go on a mini-Dukan diet this month to knock off a stone. I am not overweight exaclty, but feel better at my fighting weight of 10 stone, and have been eating too much crud lately so want to cut down.

SIL said that I was 'one of those' who is self-obsessed and borderline anorexic because all I do is think about food and how thin I am.

She also sneered because I had had my hair done (roots) at the weekend, lovely MIL said 'ooh your hair looks nice' and again she sneered and said 'I bet you went to somewhere like Toni & Guy or Blushes (poncey Cheltenham hairdresser) as opposed to a normal salon.

The woman gets on my tits. But have seen similar remarks on here sometimes - judged as being shallow and a bit fick if you do spend time wanting to be skinny etc. Doesn't mean I think of nothing else. Doesn't mean I am self-obsessed.

Bloody SIL she always annoys me.

OP posts:

upahill · 05/07/2011 12:56

I spend time wanting to be skinny as well- It's not worked so I'd better go and do something about it instead!!!

ANYWAY what you are describing is a personality clash. You both don't like each other.

Nothing wrong with wanting to be well groomed and attractive but I knkow what you are saying. People here like to flame and judge for admitting that!!

NotShortImFunSized · 05/07/2011 12:58

It does not make you shallow in the slightest. It just means you give a shite about how you look. Nowt wrong with that.

Your SIL is an ass. Probably just jealous of you anyway

RobynLou · 05/07/2011 13:00

she sounds jealous to me!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 05/07/2011 13:00

Face it Getorf if you had been eating a mars bar she would have said that you were fat and letting yourself go. Ditto if your hair hadn't been done etc.

She was just looking to have a dig. These sort of remarks generally say more about the person making them than the intended target.

lesley33 · 05/07/2011 13:01

There is nothing wrong with making sure you are slim and well grommed. I think it is wrong to judge those who are not - but you say clearly you don't.

The only way I would agree that you are shallow is if your almost complete focus was on how you looked. I think this is rare, but I have come across women who will tell me for hours about the make up they use, why they use the hairdressers they do, etc.

But tbh it sounds as if SIL and some MN are jealous or just horrible. There are some people who sadly will always criticise someone who doesn't make the same choices in life as they do.

FreakoidOrganisoid · 05/07/2011 13:01

You'd only be shallow if that was all you thought or cared about

OneOf8 · 05/07/2011 13:02

I prefer to be well groomed... I just can't be arsed don't have the time!

Maybe it's her sport of choice (annoying you) and you should ask if the season has a break?

Then again, I'm in a bad mood as should have returned to work this week, but asked to delay till next week as had the collywobbles (panic attack) and know I have to go back next week so any suggestions I provide may need a little salt?!

Lizzylou · 05/07/2011 13:05

There is obviously so much more to you than your appearance though, you are intelligent and lovely.
I do get annoyed by people whose only interests/conversation centre around their appearance, that is very boring more than anything.

Keeping yourself trim and looking good is nothing to have to feel embarrassed about imo (just need to do it myself!).

She definitely sounds jealous of you, pay no heed.

Original poster

GetOrf · 05/07/2011 13:05

Oh we do clash. Last time we met we argued about how to pronounce Moet. We just get on each other's nerves. Poor old MIL has to referee with endless cups of tea

OP posts:

Al0uiseG · 05/07/2011 13:08

I bet she's ugly as sin and a fat biffer too. I've only ever heard remarks like that from people of the minging variety.

Nobody would have a dig at anyone for improving on what they were born with in the brain department yet if you put effort into your appearance it becomes open season! Tel her to fuck off and get a life of her own, she's just jealous because you are young, slim and gorgeous.

Insomnia11 · 05/07/2011 13:10

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I was very much like that before having children. Not always, but through most of my twenties I managed to successfully control what I ate and doing lots of exercise. It does feel lovely being slim and fit and helps in so many ways.

I prefer to be slim and well groomed...but nowadays there are many more obstacles to acheiving it!

fedupofnamechanging · 05/07/2011 13:12

I remember the Moet thread. Was the conclusion that the T is pronounced on the grounds that it is not a French name?

Anyway, I agree that she was just looking to have a pop at you and whatever you do, she will criticise.

Also agree that it is not shallow to care about appearance. I have let myself go at the moment and feel a bit miserable. I know I feel better when I am slimmer and have made an effort to look good.

bigTillyMint · 05/07/2011 13:12

Al0uise

miniwedge · 05/07/2011 13:13

"fat biffer"?? Fucking awful turn of phrase.

Getorf - I think as others have said it's naff all to do with your weight/grooming and everything to do with the fact that you two can't stand each other.

lesley33 · 05/07/2011 13:13

AloiseG - I agree she sounds jealous but do you have to say she is "minging"?

roguepixie · 05/07/2011 13:16

Smacks to me of jealousy too.

To quote someone far more astute than me on here ... she should "fuck the fuck off and, when she gets there, fuck off again". . Sorry to those who feel this is a somewhat over the top response ... just love that phrase and, tbh, she needs to see to herself and stop focussing on you.

TrillianAstra · 05/07/2011 13:18

She's just picking on whatever you bring up in conversation.

Next time you see her make stuff up, let her criticise it, and then say "only kidding, I'm doing the exact opposite".

spookshowangel · 05/07/2011 13:19

i dont spend a lot of time worrying about being slim (happy being the size i am) but i do take care of my self,nice clothes/shoes, hair cuts, decent make up etc some people seem to not like it ans make comments. even some of my closest friends. for me its about priorities i make my self a priority ie put aside money/ time for these things and they dont. which either makes them jealous or feel bad about themselves because if they didnt i cant see why they would feel the need to comment in a negative way. the weight thing is prob a motivational thing you have it they dont.

Indigojohn · 05/07/2011 13:19

Ha! My SIL is a fatasfuck curvy old cow lady and says much the same to me.

droves · 05/07/2011 13:20

ignore her

perfectstorm · 05/07/2011 13:22

It's shallow to judge other people on how they look. That means when they're slim and elegant just as much as the other way. As a slob myself, I think she should either get a grip and her arse to the gym, or admire someone else who has. (And is Blushes any good? I'm newly local!)

Ephiny · 05/07/2011 13:22

I'm not particularly 'groomed' - but strongly prefer to be slim, and don't think that makes me shallow or stupid. I feel happier and more confident in the way I look, and feel fitter and more energetic as well, if I keep the excess weight off. It's better for your health as well.

I think your SIL is quite rude to keep making critical comments about your weight/eating habits/appearance. Agree that she's probably jealous or feeling insecure about herself.

AurraSing · 05/07/2011 13:22

If she is so dreadful, why are you bothered about what she says? Every time I see MIL/SIL (they come as a package) they criticise at least one thing I say or do. But I true couldn't give a toss - their opinions mean nothing to me.

perfectstorm · 05/07/2011 13:23

Oh, and you're meant to say the T in Moet, because they were Dutch and not French, or so I was told by a wine merchant once. Dunno which one of you I am siding with there.

Original poster

GetOrf · 05/07/2011 13:25

Lizzy! Haven't seen you around for aaaaaaages. . Hope you are well.

OP posts:

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