to think that I am not shallow because I prefer to be slim and well groomed

[GetOrf]

I don't give a monkeys what anyone else does. But why do people see fit to judge just because someone wants to go on a diet in order to be slim, and because I spend time and money on what I look like.

Was talking to SIL (I don't like her anyway) at the weekend - at MIL's house. Talking about diets. MIL is going to weightwatchers, I just said that I am going to go on a mini-Dukan diet this month to knock off a stone. I am not overweight exaclty, but feel better at my fighting weight of 10 stone, and have been eating too much crud lately so want to cut down.

SIL said that I was 'one of those' who is self-obsessed and borderline anorexic because all I do is think about food and how thin I am.

She also sneered because I had had my hair done (roots) at the weekend, lovely MIL said 'ooh your hair looks nice' and again she sneered and said 'I bet you went to somewhere like Toni & Guy or Blushes (poncey Cheltenham hairdresser) as opposed to a normal salon.

The woman gets on my tits. But have seen similar remarks on here sometimes - judged as being shallow and a bit fick if you do spend time wanting to be skinny etc. Doesn't mean I think of nothing else. Doesn't mean I am self-obsessed.

Bloody SIL she always annoys me.

Just out of incurable nosiness curiosity, what does SiL look like? don't enjoy the opportunity too much Genuine question, wondering if she might enjoy making you feel inadequate because she does.

Yes the concensus was that the T is pronounced. SIL said it was pronounced the french way. Ha! She is wrong.

She is even more annoying now as she has got a job at GCHQ (as an accounts clerk) and is acting all cloak and dagger and think's she is a cryptanalyst.

She is probably on netmums as we speak slagging me off because she was rambling on about the official secrets act (yawn) and the importance of it and I said 'oh don't get Le Carréd away, I signed that years ago'.

I think she probably thinks I am as obnoxious as I think she is

She said you were self obsessed and borderline anorexic -to your face

Personally I wouldnt be spending a nanosecond of my time with her and I certainly wouldnt discuss anything personal with her-sounds like she is using everything you say as ammunition.

She doesn't look bad herself, she is certainly no waynetta. She is quite plump but is very attractive.

She just fucking haaaaates me. God knows why I am not that annoying.

perfectstorm have only been to the blowdry bar in Blushes, but is good, and is cheaper than Toni & Guy, and they give you prosecco whilst they do your hair.

No, YANBU.
I dare you to ask her what an abnormal salon is.

yes the sentence 'oh you are one of those borderline anorexics'

She is of the 'I speak my mind, me' ilk, like Lou Beale.

TBH, you sound as bad as one another for wanting to find fault and "get the better" of each other.

Getorf what did your Mil say ?

SIL does sound like she is a bit jealous but to be honest I really can't stand the sort of women who aren't overweight but go on about their diets/ dieting/ calories in food all the time. They are boring, self obsessed and just want to draw attention to the fact that they aren't overweight - dull dull dull.

My sister is painful when it comes to food ie. you go out for a meal and she will always just order a starter - doesn't eat oil or sauces etc and once told me to think of ice cream as empty calories and pastry as the desert wrapped in lard!! Drives me insane. I was a size 8-10 (before pregnancy - currently 28weeks and gaining weight!) so not jealous just like my food and like to enjoy myself and not worry about a bit of what you fancy.

"TBH, you sound as bad as one another for wanting to find fault and "get the better" of each other."

Yes mum you are probably right. I am genuinely nicer than her, though. She kicks MIL's dog for instance.

MIL is an angel, just thrusts plates of biscuits in front of us to stop us acting like battleaxes.

oh my MIL is like this

she is always telling me i am too thin (but then how dh's ex wife is too fat )

she is always telling me i do "too much" - ie i went for a run "oh that's too much, you're over doing it"

or asking me how i do it ie Mayor how do you stay so thin? (nb i am a normal healthy size)

the answer to "how i do it" is eat healthily and excercise. but somehow that sounds like a rude reply to make. ho hum.

i think she worries about my weight far more than i do

Borderline anorexic at 10st?! I'd say you sound perfectly healthy/fit and fine as you are. Nothing wrong with wanting to take care of your self IMO. You carry on as you are!

Le Carred away! Superb.
My Mil is always in her most spiteful form when Sil is about, probably safety in numbers. Carry on as you are, don't let her get to you.

Benne I know what you mean, but I wasn't droning on, honest guv, they were already talking about diets anywhy.

I have thousands of boring subjects I could harp on about, not just diets.

all of this "advice" btw is not delivered in a concerned tone, btw, more in a "dear me what a shocking life you lead" catsbum way

I'm 5'5" and 10st is my goal healthy weight (currently 12st1lb having lost 11lb). That would apply for people from about my height up to about 5'9" ish, yes? Therefore, to maintain your weight at between ten and eleven stone (depending on your height) is to ensure that you're not a burden to the tax payer or your family as you get older, yes?

The narky bit of the above comment is only intended for people like GetOrf's SIL who give "it" and therefore need to take "it" back There's nowt wrong with being chubby curvy as long as you're also a nice person

It was a faaahmily thing, PILs were there, plus DP's 3 Brothers and their wives, and his sister and her husband, plus 8 dozen (it seems) kids.

Somehow I ended up sat next to the one person there I dislike.

At the risk of sounding like a complete pedant which I probably am

You could point out to your SIL that you are bound by the Official Secrets Act whether or not you have signed it. Signing it is an artificial formality intended to scare highlight the importance of maintaining confidentiality.

I haven't signed the Offences Against the Person Act but that doesn't mean I am not bound by it if I go out and commit GBH.

I would have to say something-the old chesnut
"do you really mean to be so rude"?

or murder her !

She kicks MILs dog?

I take back what I said

Don't know about your SIL's motives but to answer your question, no you're not BU to care about the way you look.

Sadly people can be quite judgey about it though, as though taking care of your appearance and being intelligent or caring are mutually exclusive. I've recently lost quite a bit of weight and I was saying to DH only this morning, I know I should be pleased that I'm healthier now but I'm afraid what really makes me beside myself with happiness is that I can fit into a size 12 for the first time in 10 years and when I stand in a changing room I don't hate what I see in the mirror. Does that make me shallow? I don't think so but there are plenty that would disagree.

I think whether you were talking about your weight,whether its Moet with a T or whether pigs fly -she is trying to put you down and will continue to do so.

Withdraw from the game- answer her with a neutral noncomittal statement "how interesting" and change the subject.It will drive her batshit that she cant wind you up!

I think you should get your arse over for a cut & blow at Blushes - it's my hairdresser of choice when I can't get to London, and you could tell your SIL all about it .

Caring about your appearance is shallow. However, we don't have to spend every minute of every day reading Great Literature, learning another foreign language, sacrifing ourselves on the altars of Motherhood and/or Career.

We're all allowed some shallowtime, and if we choose to spend it on makeup and clothes, or Eastenders and TV rubbish, or reading airport lit, or on MN, it's nobody's business but our own.

I bet your SIL is shallow enough, even if she doesn't spend much time on her appearance.