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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to want this teacher to apologise to my son.

507 replies

wfrances · 04/07/2011 21:37

ds age 12 takes a packed lunch to school,during 2nd lesson he notices drink has leaked in his bag {all of it}his lunch is ruined,and now has no drink.
he tells his teacher who says "i dont care, its not my problem, sit down."
im fuming, he didnt eat all day,no drink and what a wicked way to respond to a child.
phoned head of year straight away ,who totally agreed with my reaction.
but i think she should apologise to him-what do you think?

OP posts:

worraliberty · 05/07/2011 00:23

Ok well as someone rightly said, if you want to really know if people think you're being unreasonable or not, it's best to put information in your OP.

The story has kind of 'unfolded' somewhat since you started this thread don't you think?

I mean it's taken nearly 3 hours for you to tell us he'd only just walked in to the class and presumably hadn't sat down yet anyway...

Original poster

wfrances · 05/07/2011 00:26

well i didnt think it should matter,that hes sort of sn ,i thought it was wrong attitude on all levels,

OP posts:

fit2drop · 05/07/2011 00:28

OP your 22:06 post

sort of ,lack of oxygen at birth .meant his understanding of language isnt wired up right,

My post still stands whatever the language problem is.

perfectstorm · 05/07/2011 00:30

wfrances if a NT kid stood up in the middle of a secondary school lesson and announced his packed lunch was wet, would you really blame the teacher for snippily responding? It's not perfect, but it is human.

In context, though, I think she sounds bullying, yes. An SN kid trying to tell you something before all the kids are even in the room, and all she needs to say is, "okay, don't worry, we'll sort it at the end of the class." That simple. he was doing just what he should do which is ask an appropriate adult for support, at an appropriate time. But the thing is, most people are replying to your first post, and as I say, a NT kid doing that is not being fair on the other students.

I still think trying to get an apology would be counter productive. I think the buddy/TA is the requirement, not entrenching her hostility.

fit2drop · 05/07/2011 00:32

OP I guess my PFB flags went up when you said " your heart broke"

You are doing him no favours by coddling him, the real world will not devote the same attention to him as you do.

Also what do you mean 'sort of SN'

he either is or isnt and some of his needs seem pretty intense,
so which is it?

worraliberty · 05/07/2011 00:39

well i didnt think it should matter,that hes sort of sn ,i thought it was wrong attitude on all levels

Sort of SN? From what you've said, he sounds as though he has quite severe SN and you'd do well to try again to get him a statement.

Really though if you think it's the wrong attitude to have on 'all levels', are you saying a Teacher shouldn't expect an average 12yr old without SN to ensure he doesn't put a leaky drink in his bag..and to sort it out after the lesson?

Great if that child is the only pupil in the class but really, they do have to start learning to take responsibility for themselves as they won't be the 'babies' of the school come September.

Jellykat · 05/07/2011 00:39

Blimey o' reilly, of course op will devote more attention to her DS then the rest of the world - she's his mum, and he's 12 not 16!!!

worraliberty · 05/07/2011 00:42

That's fine and natural for the OP to devote more time to him..but why expect a Teacher to devote themselves to him when they have a class to teach?

ilovesooty · 05/07/2011 00:45

And I think she also has to understand that making allowances in a large comprehensive is very different to making allowances at home. If he has needs which are not beinet by the school as a whole she'd be better off pusuing an appropriate support package for him than hounding this teacher, who might well have been trying to settle a class down at the beginning of the lesson so that learning could take place for all pupils.

ilovesooty · 05/07/2011 00:45

beinet

being met

JoySzasz · 05/07/2011 00:54

All the teacher needed to say was:

"Gosh,I'm sorry -what a pain,I will see what I can do to help when the lesson is over...don't worry"

No need to snip,and it would have made the op's son feel much happier.

Manners cost nothing.

differentnameforthis · 05/07/2011 02:56

I cannot believe some of the responses here....

Is it really ok that a teacher spoke a child like that? And they do, you know....they aren't perfect.

Also, he didn't eat all day, is that OK too?

FFS, he is a child & regardless of what happened, how it happened NO teacher has the right to dismiss any child like that & not make sure they have some provision to eat!

If it happened to my dd, she would tell her teacher & if she was dismissed like that, she wouldn't talk to anyone else about it until she saw me at home time.

And to those who suggested he eat his lunch...I would heave if I had to eat wet sandwiches, I don't think that is good advise at all!

differentnameforthis · 05/07/2011 03:36

The teacher was wrong. No teacher has the right to tell a pupil that something that has affected them enough that they have reported it, that isn't their problem.

It bloody well IS their problem, because part of the teachers role is to make sure that the children get what they need to make it through the day. I.e food and drink.

It doesn't matter if he was being disruptive (which it doesn't actually read to me that he was), the teacher should have told him that she would help him deal with it when she could.

From what she said, it sounds to me like she was aggressive & rude. No teacher has the right to be aggressive & rude to any child, no matter the age!

Omigawd · 05/07/2011 07:02

Who'd be a teacher in a world where some mums demand behaviour befitting a saint

differentnameforthis · 05/07/2011 07:09

Not a saint, omi but i wouldn't expect my child to be treated like that! If they can be polite to children, and can only answer them aggressively, maybe tghey should be in a different job!

Would it be OK for a receptionist to tell a patient who comes to her, to tell her that he has been waiting too long for his appointment, that 'i dont care, its not my problem, sit down'?

No? Then it is most certainly NOT ok for a teacher to do it to a child.

noblegiraffe · 05/07/2011 07:10

Oh dear god no wonder some kids get to university unable to do anything for themselves if the attitude of some of the posters on this thread is anything to go by.

" No teacher has the right to tell a pupil that something that has affected them enough that they have reported it, that isn't their problem."

Erm, bollocks.

I have said to students in the past 'if it isn't dead, bleeding or on fire, don't bother me with it' in order to stop a litany of petty complaints that they expect a teacher to deal with. They are not in primary, they are in secondary and they should be learning to stand on their own two feet and sort their own problems. OP aside, where special needs appear to have been drip fed into the thread, it is not my responsibility to ensure that a kid has food and drink. They are old enough to sort it out, borrow from their mates and I will tell them to do this. My school doesn't even lend money to kids past the middle of Y7 any more as some were blatantly taking the piss and parents were using it as a sort of 'can't be arsed to sort my kid's lunch today, school will fix it'. No one has yet died of hunger.

If a kid's drink has leaked in their bag, they can ask me for permission to get some paper towels, put their books on the radiator. If they say to me 'Miiiiiisss, my stuff is all wet' I will say to them 'what do you want me to do about it?' until they figure out a solution for themselves. Or their mates tell them what to do.

Mollycoddling isn't doing them any favours.

And anyone who tells me I'm cold, heartless and in the wrong job can fuck right off, frankly.

Animation · 05/07/2011 07:14

Yes the teacher spoke to your son like crap - and says more about the teacher's personality. If it was me I'd want a word with the teacher in question - ask a few questions and make him/her squirm a bit.

Indigojohn · 05/07/2011 07:18

Animation, ha!

Jesus, some of you really need to get a grip.
Giraffe is absolutely right.

Animation · 05/07/2011 07:21

Do you think Indigo.

Giraffe - what attracted you to the teaching profession?

Indigojohn · 05/07/2011 07:21

Animation, if you came into my class and started asking questions about spilt drinks I'd either die laughing and think you were a neurotic twit or tell you politely to run along, dear.

Do you really think you can make a tough secondary teacher squirm ?

Indigojohn · 05/07/2011 07:23

I know, Animation. In secondary schools spilt drinks are NOT the subject teacher's responsibility.

We have no idea what tone she used or how it was said .

When my kids started secondary I made damn sure they knew exactly how to deal with such a situation, who to go to and what to do.

Animation · 05/07/2011 07:26

"I'd either die laughing and think you were a neurotic twit"

Indigo - is this how you talk to people are in real life?

Animation · 05/07/2011 07:30

Indigo - would you really die laughing?

Indigojohn · 05/07/2011 07:38

Yes. If you came to me as a subject teacher to complain that I had been brusque over a spilt drink. As would all the other staff at break time. You clearly have no idea how secondary teachers operate and their work loads.

Really, get a grip.

mummytime · 05/07/2011 07:41

Teachers are human!

She may well have had a bad day. You do not know what else was going on at the time. Maybe: Jason trying to stick scissors in an electric socket, Tracey trying to sit in the wrong place again, Bev and Declan having a flaming row, the technician has brought in the wrong books, and she's just spent all break time trying to get the IT to work.

So sorry she snipped, instead of giving the model answer.

Maybe she will apologise, but you forcing her to is not going to do your son any favours. Get him the help he needs, and try to make sure he has a drink that is unlikely to leak, maybe put it in a plastic bag as my kids do. Make sure he has someone he can go to with problems during the school day.

But don't over react, sorry in 4+ years he will have to function in society, and the reactions there to a spilt drink are likely to be much worse.

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