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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to want this teacher to apologise to my son.

507 replies

wfrances · 04/07/2011 21:37

ds age 12 takes a packed lunch to school,during 2nd lesson he notices drink has leaked in his bag {all of it}his lunch is ruined,and now has no drink.
he tells his teacher who says "i dont care, its not my problem, sit down."
im fuming, he didnt eat all day,no drink and what a wicked way to respond to a child.
phoned head of year straight away ,who totally agreed with my reaction.
but i think she should apologise to him-what do you think?

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 04/07/2011 22:11

'So if he has special needs then would there not have been a TA with him?'

Not necessarily, in fact without a statement probably not.

mumblechum1 · 04/07/2011 22:11

tbh, they all have to learn to be independent. The teacher was a bit snippy by thesound of it, but that's what they're like in secondary school. They're not there to baby the students.

Goblinchild · 04/07/2011 22:12

Three weeks to go, she's probably as knackered as I am.

TheHumanCatapult · 04/07/2011 22:12

only problem i can see now with smart cards you can not just borrow money of your friend unless they ahve spare on teh card

mumblechum1 · 04/07/2011 22:13

My dozy ds has forgotten his lunch before now and he just scrounges bits off his mates, so half a sandwich here, an apple there.

cinnamonswirls · 04/07/2011 22:15

Totally with all those who said YABU.

Breaktime today while on duty I sorted out child who needed to register with our lunch system and ensured he would have lunch - it was my job

If it happened in my classroom he would be told to tell his tutor/his HOY or pastoral team BUT when I'd got the class settled to my agenda not his - teaching that is my job too

If he has learning needs then he should have access to extra pastoral care - and if not then that's the HOY not the subject teacher

KS1 then that sort of need should be met promptly by the teacher or TA but KS3?....no

joric · 04/07/2011 22:15

If he is SN then this is especially harsh - harsh even if he were not. However , my view is that a secondary school teacher should still allow the student to empty bag onto a side tAble and go and get paper towels. Students are usually a bit stressed out when this happens ( it happens more often than you think ) I have had students making a MASSIVE fuss which dominates the lesson and this is disruptive but I would still help them as soon as it was appropriate. Some children can be quite rude and want immediate attention- was this the case?
Your son's teacher was harsh but what was your son's reaction?

cinnamonswirls · 04/07/2011 22:17

ooo PrincessJenga crossposted but you said it in a MUCH nicer way!!

cory · 04/07/2011 22:18

Is there any particular reason why he can't

a) eat a soggy lunch

b) drink tap water

Surely we have all experienced similar when on picnic/travelling/whatever?

musttidyupmusttidyup · 04/07/2011 22:19

Broke your heart? Expecting an apology? YABVU. If a teacher stopped each time a pupil interrupted a lesson not a lot of learning would happen. The water leaking is unfortunate but by no means serious or rare. You are not doing your son any favours by making such a fuss about it.. just suck it up, lesson learned. As for saying it means teacher in wrong profession...surely you can't be serious.
Plus...you'll get yourself a reputation in the staff room! Lay off!!

Nanny0gg · 04/07/2011 22:21

And would he then have been in trouble because his drink ruined all his books?
He may have been in the wrong if he was making a fuss, but did the teacher really need to be quite so abrupt?

PrincessJenga · 04/07/2011 22:22

Ah, thanks cinnamon, I can be verrrrrry nice, just don't tell the OP I probably wouldn't have been particularly nice to her son if he'd disrupted my lesson

joric · 04/07/2011 22:26

Give him strategies to use for when it happens again too.

bittersweetvictory · 04/07/2011 22:31

Report the bitch.

Original poster
wfrances · 04/07/2011 22:32

mmm, i think i will phone the ed, psych tomorrow as i was promised he would be treated with respect in this school.
for all those who were saying he was prob causing a fuss,hell no,
he doesnt open his mouth,i was shocked he said hed told her it had spilt.
he does not generally speak unless spoken to,
and he was more worried about his books than food/drink it never entered his head to go and ask for anything which is a big problem,and they are aware of this .

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 04/07/2011 22:37

I understand you feel protective, but you really need to back off. It's much more sensible to cheerily minimise any upset by saying "Oh dear, it sounds like the teacher was very busy and had a lesson to get on with. If it ever happens again, wait until break time and pop to the office- somebody there will help you. Did you put the lid on your drink properly?"

If he sees you wailing and gnashing your teeth over it, it will just fuel a sense of entitlement which ultimately will do him no favours at high school or in life. People really can't always be sweetness and light, and while she was abrupt, it was in no way abusive, and your reaction is way OTT.

ilovesooty · 04/07/2011 22:38

Phone the ed psych? I really think that's OTT. If he was standing up when the teacher was trying to teach that is disruptive. Now you're saying he was more worried about his books: I thought the food and drink was originally the issue.

As others have said there are procedures to deal with this kind of situation and I think you'll help him more by providing strategies for any future event.

saidthespiderwithahorridsmile · 04/07/2011 22:40

The teacher has no manners

I wouldn't bother trying to raise a stink about it though, you won't get anywhere. Teachers like that are rare, thankfully, but most schools have one. If you want to change her mind you'll need a crowbar. And a transplant surgeon.

I can't understand why some people think it is OK to speak to children as though they are dirt.

Indigojohn · 04/07/2011 22:40

I wouldn't phone anyone.
Except the cotton wool wholesalers. Sounds as if you're gonna get through a lot of it.

TotalChaos · 04/07/2011 22:42

when you talk to Ed Psych, look at this incident from point of view of your DS needing more support at school (if he didn't know what to do to sort out this situation and would need prompting to go to water fountain) rather than wanting the teacher's head on a plate. try and give teacher the benefit of the doubt, that she wasn't aware of nature/extent of your DS's SN so reacted as she would for an NT child.

Original poster
wfrances · 04/07/2011 22:47

totalchaos- we were told that the teaching staff would support him enough so he wouldnt need extra help all the time.(didnt want to employ someone i guess)

OP posts:
PrincessJenga · 04/07/2011 22:48

Is this a wind up? Ed psych? Seriously?! Unless your PFB has much more serious SEN than you've suggested here, he's simply experienced a normal reaction to a common school problem & you'd help him much more by suggesting appropriate strategies to deal with issues as they occur rather than being so OTT.

FabbyChic · 04/07/2011 22:49

Please send him with a drink that cannot leak, it is too long for a child to go without food or drink. He was treated appallingly and I'd have to talk to her myself if I were you.

Original poster
wfrances · 04/07/2011 22:53

well considering hes under the ed psych, and has been since he was 4, and sees a child psychologist , i feel tthat the school arent meeting his needs.they knew his needs before he enroled and said they could cope with him.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 04/07/2011 22:53

OP, what would you actually have liked/wanted the teacher to do? I'm just curious.

Do you have a specific way in mind that you think the teacher should have reacted?