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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to want this teacher to apologise to my son.

507 replies

wfrances · 04/07/2011 21:37

ds age 12 takes a packed lunch to school,during 2nd lesson he notices drink has leaked in his bag {all of it}his lunch is ruined,and now has no drink.
he tells his teacher who says "i dont care, its not my problem, sit down."
im fuming, he didnt eat all day,no drink and what a wicked way to respond to a child.
phoned head of year straight away ,who totally agreed with my reaction.
but i think she should apologise to him-what do you think?

OP posts:
basingstoke · 04/07/2011 22:54

Without knowing your DS it's impossible to say really. I don't sort out things like this. If it happened lesson 2, I'd tell him to see the support staff who do deal with it at break. If I knew that the child would be really fretting (for whatever reason), I'd probably send him to see those support staff there and then. What I wouldn't do is break off a lesson to deal with it there and then myself.

Original poster
wfrances · 04/07/2011 23:01

i would have expected her not to be so rude and not talk to him like a piece of crap,
she should have told him to empty his bag,soak it up with paper towels.
at the end of the lesson she should have taken him to the head of year who would have given him a lunch ticket or phoned me.
this is what the head of year said she should have done , which is what i would do.

OP posts:
ThatVikRinA22 · 04/07/2011 23:02

actually i would be pretty pissed off about it, given that he has special needs and went without a drink or anything to eat all day. seems pretty uncaring especially if they are aware of his SN.

something similar once happened to my lad, who has special needs, in fact, a couple of things did. on one occasion the teacher did actually phone my house to speak to me and him and he did apologise because he had no idea his reaction had caused my son such distress. i have to take my hat off to that teacher. My lad refused to go back into the teachers lesson. he said sorry. they made up. it was a learning curve.
That teacher ended up the head teacher. i thought he was fab. he was willing to learn, and listen, to others.

ilovesooty · 04/07/2011 23:06

at the end of the lesson she should have taken him to the head of year who would have given him a lunch ticket or phoned me

What was her next class supposed to do while she took him? What if the HOY had a class to teach?

bellavita · 04/07/2011 23:07

A couple of weeks ago, in had a parent come in to school with her son - he is 12. He does have some issues.... But he as progressed from sitting in reception on a morning until the bell goes (instead of being outside) and a TA coming to get him and take him to his lesson to being able to sit by himself (and chat to a couple of other kids that wait there) to going to lesson by himself.

He had been to an appointment. Mum had brought him to the wrong door and he needed to go to the Attendance Office to sign in. I kindly explained where he needed to go and that she could take him, she went out (not happy that I told her she was in the wrong place) and she came back within a minute. She said no one was at the other door Hmm. I said not to worry I would ring down for her. In the meantime, I asked the boy if he knew which lesson he needed to go to, he said he wasn't sure, all the time the mother was going on and on that of course he didn't know where he was going... I looked up his timetable and said he had food tech and he said oh yes food (timetable coming back to him). We were doing fine and establishing if he knew which room he had to go to.... When the mother really really shouted at me and said "HE HAS SPECIAL NEEDS, OF COURSE HE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE HE IS GOING". The poor boy was horrified and mortified - no wonder he was so bloody nervous with her going on all the time.

I emailed the SENCO to make sure what I did was the right thing and she said it was.

Sometimes, you have just got to let them get on with a little.

Original poster
wfrances · 04/07/2011 23:15

ilovesooty-i quoted the head of year,thas what he said she should have done with him.
when i child starts comp senco have a file on them.the senco teacher at the school reads it and decides what help that child is going to need ,the teachers are then told about these certain pupils and what they need to do.this teacher failed to carry out what she had been told by senco .

OP posts:
worraliberty · 04/07/2011 23:19

Ok but why couldn't he go on his own to the HOY? And sort his bag after the lesson without standing up and disrupting it?

If he'd remained seated and quietly took his books out, it might not have been such a big deal.

I know he has SN but if it's not so severe that he can manage without a TA, surely he could have done that?

It sounds (on the face of it) as though the Teacher treated him the same as any other child.

I don't know if in your mind you think he should be treated differently because of his mild SN...but clearly the teacher doesn't.

saidthespiderwithahorridsmile · 04/07/2011 23:20

if that is the way the teacher speaks to any other child, then she is a rude cow with no manners

worraliberty · 04/07/2011 23:21

Sorry I meant to add in my last post....

I don't know if treating him the same is a good or a bad thing but perhaps that's what you need to get to the bottom of.

ilovesooty · 04/07/2011 23:21

Yes, I do know about the role of the SENCO. I'm just somewhat surprised that whole classes might have been held up by following the HOY's suggestion. Unless it was break next, in which case your son could have waited and approached the teacher at the end of the lesson. If she'd then refused to point him in the right direction by directing him to his HOY that would have been unreasonable.

Original poster
wfrances · 04/07/2011 23:24

his sn is very hard,hes bright but cant think for himself.he needs constant direction. ie, go to the nurse,go and get a drink of water.

OP posts:
Jellykat · 04/07/2011 23:24

I agree wfrances, the teacher was unnecessarily rude, she may not have given a stuff, but at the end of the day she could've been polite especially as she's supposed to be setting an example.

All she had to do was tell him who to see at breaktime.

ilovesooty · 04/07/2011 23:26

What support is in place to encourage him to make decisions and become more independent?

Original poster
wfrances · 04/07/2011 23:28

none, i ve been told to expect him never to leave home.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 04/07/2011 23:32

If his SN are so profound I'm somewhat surprised he doesn't have a TA. Perhaps that's what you should be pushing for.

worraliberty · 04/07/2011 23:34

He needs a statement surely?

fit2drop · 04/07/2011 23:34

I dont understand this, earlier you said he had a problem understanding language, now you say he can't think for himself.
Are you sure this isnt just a communication problem . I would be very careful about wading in.

Also wrapping a12 year old in so much cotton wool is not doing him any favours. He may have SN but to wade in everytime he is diciplined about something is almost like saying you want him treated different, surely that in itself is stigmatising and will alienate him from his peers.

saidthespiderwithahorridsmile · 04/07/2011 23:35

Not all children with sn require a TA, even with quite marked sn

my ds has Aspergers and is very impaired in some respects (sounds rather like the OP's lad actually)

but he manages without a TA because with good, sensitive management and the support of the rest of the children he can cope in school, although it is very stressful for him and there are bad days

we were told he did not have a cat in hell's chance of getting any funded support because he is simply not disruptive enough. He isn't aggressive.

so the posts implying that the OP's sn can't be real sn are ignorant IMO

ilovesooty · 04/07/2011 23:35

worra it sounds to me as though he needs a statement too.

Original poster
wfrances · 04/07/2011 23:36

they think not,i wanted to home school him ,to spare him this shit but thought id give it a chance.

OP posts:
saidthespiderwithahorridsmile · 04/07/2011 23:37

but there are many many children out there who do not have a statement or any chance of getting 1-2-1 support

children with official diagnoses and fairly classic versions of the sn they have, like my ds

I thought most people knew that

worraliberty · 04/07/2011 23:39

I don't think anyone has implied they aren't real? Hmm

Personally I think the implications have been more along the lines of a Teacher being expected to allow a child to disrupt the class because the lid wasn't tightened on his drink properly.

I'm not a Teacher but I imagine if every child were allowed to disrupt the class for the same reason..or one they thought just as valid, there wouldn't be a great deal of learning going on.

Bear in mind we're normally talking about 25 to 30 kids in a class.

fit2drop · 04/07/2011 23:39

wfrances
even if it is unlikely he will leave home and move into independant living surely he needs to learn to be as independant as possible. Doing everything for him is not teaching him any of lifes lessons. What would happen if you was not there to pick up the pieces. He deserves to be taught/shown these skills. He must be able to hold information in if he is in a MS school.

saidthespiderwithahorridsmile · 04/07/2011 23:40

I don't think anyone has said the child should have been allowed to disrupt the class

but the teacher was just rude. there is no need to speak to people like that.

glassescase · 04/07/2011 23:41

The majority of posters are responding that you are being unreasonable.