aibu to want this teacher to apologise to my son.

[wfrances]

ds age 12 takes a packed lunch to school,during 2nd lesson he notices drink has leaked in his bag {all of it}his lunch is ruined,and now has no drink.
he tells his teacher who says "i dont care, its not my problem, sit down."
im fuming, he didnt eat all day,no drink and what a wicked way to respond to a child.
phoned head of year straight away ,who totally agreed with my reaction.
but i think she should apologise to him-what do you think?

lady - who has been involved with you boy so far? generally speaking - aspies come to the attention of other therapies, such as speech and language, occuaptional therapy, physio therapy, community peads - that type of thing?

has he had any assessments from anyone so far?

Vicar nothing at all.

how am I an SEN snob? I have have said that SEN is this in fact I have even told Vicar to make an appointment with senco etc as his levels will have hidden any issues

it seems to me like you are getting very defensive....

"the problem with so many people is they have a clearly defined idea of what a special need is. being a parent with a child with special needs doesnt rule out the fact that some parents still dont get it. "

Actually, the problem with special needs is it is so darn difficult to define what it is. If it was easier I think more parents would "get it".

I do really pity the teachers, because it must be so hard to tell the difference between an (unstatemented) cocktail of special needs and just another disruptive little tyke.

And lets remember, the teacher's prime role is to educate 30 kids in a classroom, not be a social welfare oficer for one.

Vicar
DS1, basically slipped through the net. He was an early talker, late walker. You could take him anywhere when he was small and you wouldnt know you had him. My friends loved being with him as they were able to hold a decent conversation with him. He was fixated with the news and when he got a story stuck in his head he would learn about it and talk the hind legs off a donkey. He was reading by 2.5, and by 3 was spelling extremely well. The school he went to were so focused on education that because he excelled and was in G&T from the age of 5 nothing else mattered.

my point exactly omigawd; but obviously as a teacher I am not allowed to say that sometimes a kid 'acts up' for the sake of it (the street cred thing....because of course no kid does that ) and has to ask that question as obviously all kids that disrupt a lesson have SEN???

As it goes; I have had the majority of my lessons (at a very tough inner city school with a high percentage of SEN students) rated as outstanding

Boldbanana, well said :)

cricket - my son is doing a degree now. he is 19. i see you read my posts then.

lady - i pm'd you....

if he has had no assessments at all so far then i would take a scatter gun approach....

go and see your GP and ask for a referral to someone who specialises in ASDs.
some authorities do a multi disciplinary approach where several specialists can assess -

at the same time as for an assessment by the Ed Psyche - but not just a WISC test - that only measures IQ and many many kids with AS have average or above average IQs so that alone proves nothing.

i did all this a long time ago - but i went through GP for assessment with Liz Newson at Nottingham - she was fab.

then he already had several assessments from occupational therapy, speech and language therapy, community peads, physio therapy (alot of aspies walk on their toes!) and other tests like hearing tests etc - so all of those added to liz newsons - i had irrefutable proof! and a solid 33 page diagnosis to boot.

still got me nowhere because so many LEAs do not see hidden disabilites as a special educational need - i stopped fighting - so dont do that!

to be fair his secondary school were better - he sort of ended up sharing a TA with another statemented pupil - and for a while it worked.

the SEN board i am sure will be able to help and give much more up to date advice...i bet.

Actually Cricket if you read what I posted I said the opposite.
I said my son can be disruptive due to his SN not due to street cred - you were the one who said ALL was down to street cred.

Thankyou Vicar, I will never give up fighting for what I believe in and I believe in him so much.

He is so capable if only he can get the right direction from staff clear and precise instruction.

I shall make an appt via GP tomorrow.

vicar - you have answered my question there; if he is capable of doing a degree course, then did he need a statement in school when there are so many children who are not capable of achieving that and not getting help?

theladyevenstar; I never said it was all down to street cred; I asked if it could have been...

cricketballs Wed 06-Jul-11 00:56:40
my point exactly omigawd; but obviously as a teacher I am not allowed to say that sometimes a kid 'acts up' for the sake of it (the street cred thing....because of course no kid does that ) and has to ask that question as obviously all kids that disrupt a lesson have SEN???

Actually a lot of SEN children are not disruptive at all who was making those assumptions? and are passive to the extreme, for those who are disruptive, are they disruptive in the way the kids who are trying to get "the street cred thing" or
Imagine walking into a classroom where no one notices the lights are flickering at a dizzying speed, as though an invisible prankster is relentlessly flipping the switch. You take your seat, as do your class mates their chairs scrape on the floor, and the noise nearly bursts your eardrums. However, no one else in your classroom seems disturbed in the slightest. You try to focus on what your teacher is saying, but the tag on the back of your shirt keeps clawing at your skin like an invisible hand rubbing you with sandpaper. Slowly, you rock yourself back and forth in an effort to stay calm?and then what little peace of mind you still possess is shattered by a classmate pointing at you and exclaiming: ?Teacher! Billy's doing it again!?

That is only a small example of the sensory issues a dc may be trying to cope with.

cricket - the answer is yes. he did need a statement. long long dx explains precisely why. would you like me to post you a copy? its an interesting read.

lady i just thought of something else....

list down all the things you know he needs. you are the most knowledgeable person on how he works!
so you have identified he needs clear instruction.
that could go into his IEP - maybe he could have written instructions - lists if you like? i did this with DS. it worked! (but you have to remind them to use them!)

you clearly know what he needs - so use what you know about him - you can help him and you can explain to the Ed Psyche and dept heads what you think he would benefit from.

he really needs formally assessing by the Ed Psyche - but not just a WISC test - they tried taht with DS!
Prof Newson tore that idea to bits in her dx....

Cricket so this is not you??

cricketballsWed 06-Jul-11 00:25:16

'the street cred' in secondary school is all about how much disruption you can cause........

Cricket so this is not you??

cricketballsWed 06-Jul-11 00:25:16

'the street cred' in secondary school is all about how much disruption you can cause........

Vicar, this is all brilliant advice, I am going to get organised as from tomorrow. I really appreciate it!!

off to bed now need to be up in 5 hours! ooppss

I stand by that post thelady; in the majority of schools; you get 'points' for the more disruption you cause

Vicar; you are getting very defensive.....I ask again that if he was so in need of a statement would he be able to access a degree course? or was he capable of doing with additional help via SA/SA+ (which must have been the case....)

Cricket make your mind up either its for street cred or some children who act out are doing it because of a SN and not for street cred at all!!!

I am now going to go to bed.

lady - if his education is the most important aspect and you have a dx then i would look at whether the Ed Psyche is on board or not.....who did his dx and how comprehensive is it? does it give recommendations?

if not - i would want him seeing an expert in the field. (the problem you have is that many teachers do think as demonstrated above - you can find yourself armed to the back teeth with information and recommendations and the teachers wont help because they don't see it as a special educational need - this is perfectly demonstrated in crickets posts!)

and this im afraid is what you can be up against - this is what i found -albeit i thought things may have moved on somewhat since DS was diagnosed, it really does depend on the school, their willingness to work with you and your boy, their willingness to learn and try things, and the understanding of those implementing the recommendations - ie - the Ed Psyche.

try not to scramble your brain too much - just go into this meeting with some clear ideas about what you want to achieve and how to do it, and who is best placed to advise professionally.

and get a copy of that code of practice!

cricket - im not defensive at all - but perhaps weary of trying to explain in all on here - i mean it when i say i would happily post you a copy of his dx if you are interested in learning how a child who could go on to do a degree course is still in need of a statement of SEN.

the problem is you have a rigid and set idea of what an SEN is, and the fact that your child has SEN has helped to form in your mind exactly what constitutes an SEN - you are still questioning the need for my son to have had a statement (!!) despite the fact that im offering you the opportunity to read all about it - thats not defensive.
have a read
this lady diagnosed my boy

and prior to that he had numerous consults with several other services such as speech and language therapy, occupational therapy, community peads services, physio therapy....and you are still asking (how many times now?) if he needed a statement - you are proving my point spectacularly! you dont believe he needed a statement. you are teacher.
do i need to go on?
seriously - i am offering you a read of his file. if you want to.

My ds has a an IQ in the top 5% of the population, reading age of 12, although he is only 7, extremely well behaved etc, etc.

He also has a dx of autism, SPD, hypermobility. He has delayed speech and understanding of language, delayed social skills, he cannot dress himself without help, he soils himself, he cannot eat, he self harms, anxiety, difficulties with movement and numerous other difficulties.

He needs a statement, but he hasnt got one, because in the opinion of his teachers he doesnt need one because academically he is doing ok. Its a shame so much emphasis is put on the opinion of teachers who dont know the first thing about SN's.

Sorry would add SOME teachers dont know the first thing about SN's

"street cred? Aspies are usually total misfits. the nerds who dont even fit in with the nerds"

Tell me about it. I went through years of being bullied and ostracised throughout secondary school. I had no idea about social norms or niceties, but because I was very passive and couldn't initiate, I wasn't seen as a bother to the teachers. I can still remember one teacher in particular who sat in the classroom whilst another pupil loudly verbally bullied me and did nothing. I was unable to ask for help, even to realise I could have asked for help. You have to understand that whilst I was academically capable, my emotional maturity was much younger, so at the time of that particular incidence of bullying, although I was in the fifth year (now year 11), I had the emotional maturity, at the most, of perhaps a first year (now year 7) pupil.
Had my drink spilled, I would have done absolutely nothing, nor raised attention to it. If I had been thinking sensibly for me, then I might have binned the food and mopped up the spillage with something (which knowing me would probably have been my coat or sleeves of my jumper ). But speaking to someone about it? Knowing to say I needed money or to contact my parents? Absolutely not a chance in hell. I would not have even been aware this was an option.
Incidentally, regarding standing in the lift, sometimes I face the doors, sometimes I face the back wall and sometimes I look at the buttons. I don't stare at the other people though.