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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

aibu to want this teacher to apologise to my son.

507 replies

wfrances · 04/07/2011 21:37

ds age 12 takes a packed lunch to school,during 2nd lesson he notices drink has leaked in his bag {all of it}his lunch is ruined,and now has no drink.
he tells his teacher who says "i dont care, its not my problem, sit down."
im fuming, he didnt eat all day,no drink and what a wicked way to respond to a child.
phoned head of year straight away ,who totally agreed with my reaction.
but i think she should apologise to him-what do you think?

OP posts:
TheLadyEvenstar · 06/07/2011 00:15

Jelly it breaks my heart with a valid point when he says nobody likes him, because he is so lovely - ok I am biast but he really is and also very intelligent - he took his gcse math at the beginning of yr8 now is bored in maths.

I just wish people would get to know him [sigh]

ThatVikRinA22 · 06/07/2011 00:17

lady you are wasting your breath lovely.

Cricket hasnt got the first idea what you are on about.

i do. if it helps to know that. in yr 6 (so he would be what - 10?) he gave out xmas cards and the entire class ripped them up and binned them.

he wasnt disruptive. the street cred thing made me laugh. now at 19 he wears iron maiden T shirts and primark jeans, doesnt shave or have a hair cut unless i pin him down....
he is quiet. unassuming. and was bullied. a sitting duck. for all those years.

street cred? Aspies are usually total misfits. the nerds who dont even fit in with the nerds.

this woman clearly has no idea....

cricketballs · 06/07/2011 00:18

TheLadyEvenstar - I take it that he got good KS2 results then....

I would in then ask to speak to the SENCO/SLT in charge of SEN for a meeting before next academic year

fit2drop · 06/07/2011 00:18

TheLadyEvenstar

As much as that sounds undeniably painful and I do feel for you and other parents in your position surely its a self esteem issue too . Schools are for accademic study. Teachers are now having to be social workers councellors and phsychiatrists in an already overstressed job.That is wrong. Schools cannot be held accountable for the lack of MH support, maybe CAHMS should be involved

cricketballs · 06/07/2011 00:21

VicarInaTutu Wed 06-Jul-11 00:17:07

lady you are wasting your breath lovely.

Cricket hasnt got the first idea what you are on about. - sorry, but I am a parent of a full statemented child and a secondary school teacher so I do know what I am on about!

i do. if it helps to know that. in yr 6 (so he would be what - 10?) he gave out xmas cards and the entire class ripped them up and binned them.

he wasnt disruptive. the street cred thing made me laugh. now at 19 he wears iron maiden T shirts and primark jeans, doesnt shave or have a hair cut unless i pin him down....
he is quiet. unassuming. and was bullied. a sitting duck. for all those years.

a lot of disruptice kids are just doing it for street cred

street cred? Aspies are usually total misfits. the nerds who dont even fit in with the nerds.

(the many years of experiance in education has taught me that especially in 'tough school's)

this woman clearly has no idea....
get a grip

ThatVikRinA22 · 06/07/2011 00:21

Thefrogs - i think it should stay here.

simply because only those with SN issues read the SN threads. this will get to a wider audience.
over on SN you are preaching to the converted.

on AIBU you most certainly arent doing that....no one can accuse anyone on here of being remotely knowledgeable about SENs, the COP, statements, how to get them, or what constitutes a special educational need.

even those with special educational needs are disputing what constitutes a special educational need, sadly.

a wider audience and a broader mind are what is needed i think.

fit2drop · 06/07/2011 00:22

vicar
^^Cricket hasnt got the first idea what you are on about.

i do^^

The sheer arrogance of THAT statement is probably the most condecending piece of "up my own arse " syndrome I have ever had the "pleasure" of reading on MN. and trust me I have read some corkers.

TheLadyEvenstar · 06/07/2011 00:22

Vicar you have just described my DS1...minus the shaving Wink he is not there yet. I have to keep his hair very short as he hates having it washed total panic there. He has been bullied since he started school - I have finally (I hope) managed to get him fully equipped to deal with the bullies. Yes the Street Cred thing made me giggle - this is the boy who if allowed will wear purple and black shorts with a red, black, silver and blue t-shirt.
The same one who seems to have become attached to one set of casual clothes Hmm which I have to wash when he is at school or they would stink.

ThatVikRinA22 · 06/07/2011 00:23

Crickets - you have a clearly defined idea of what constitutes an SEN. and the likes of my son doesnt fit it.

yes i can imagine you are a teacher. i met alot of teachers just like you.

cricketballs · 06/07/2011 00:25

'the street cred' in secondary school is all about how much disruption you can cause........

TheLadyEvenstar · 06/07/2011 00:25

Cricket you really haven't read properly have you? I have already met with the SENCO and am meeting with them again next week.

As for his yr6 Sats he walked it with 5's and finished so quickly they thought he had just shut his papers.

TheFrogs · 06/07/2011 00:26

Jayz, anything less than perfect.....

boldbanana · 06/07/2011 00:26

Am parent of Statemented child and am also a teacher.

The teacher was a little rude, from what OP says, but, more importantly, clearly didn't know what support the boy needed.The school haven't got enough support/ communication about the OP's son in place BUT the real shocker on this thread is the attitude about SEN children dragging everyone else down, or only academic SEN being real SEN, or how teachers shouldn't have to deal with children 'like this'.

Disgusting or ignorant? I can't decide.

The myth about only academic SEN being real is the first load of bollocks; my son has a TA with him every single minute of every day although he is above average intelligence, as his autism makes him a threat to himself and others. He is in mainstream education and his autism is an educational need although his learning is fine, because social and communication skills are also part of education! It's not all about exams.

The idea that some teachers find addressing a child's SEN a little bit beneath them and too much like hard work is crap too. Yes, it's hard, but it's what having an inclusive society is all about. It's our job, to put it bluntly.

Many children like my son fit nowhere. Too able for most special schools; too needy to mainstream to be a comfortable fit. He used to be known as the 'hitting boy' or the 'kicking boy' or the 'biting boy'; he's now quirky and occasionally volatile, but much better, thanks to those teachers who put in the time and thought to help him, the TAs and pupils that supported him and the parents (99.9%) who didn't demand that he was removed from the school immediately for his behaviour. In society, 'these people' exist as adults, mixed in with everyone else. Rather than separating them, shouldn't we aim for inclusion?

OP, I have no idea whether your son needs a Statement or not. However, what you do need is a meeting with HOY about how staff will all be in full awareness of your son's needs next year. Good luck.

TheLadyEvenstar · 06/07/2011 00:28

Cricket I am actually thinking you have no idea what you are on about tbh.

Aspies DO NOT fit in, therefore are generally bullied, they like to try and blend into the background,. being disruptive would make them be noticed therefore liable to be bullied - you see it doesn't work out.

They have no idea what street cred is fgs - well none of the ones I know have a clue.

ThatVikRinA22 · 06/07/2011 00:31

fit2drop - i couldnt give a fuck tbh.

the problem with so many people is they have a clearly defined idea of what a special need is. being a parent with a child with special needs doesnt rule out the fact that some parents still dont get it.

in some ways - i do wish sometimes that my sons conditions were more obvious - because it would have saved us from all the disbelief and the explanations.

we had, my boy and me, one of the worst experience of both our lives, in him enduring secondary school. and i say enduring. i was exactly that. an endurance test.
he was very ill at age 3. it was dreadful. he nearly died. but it passed.
this didnt pass until he left school. years and years of abuse.

i was brought up in care. i had a terrible experience of growing up. but it didnt come close to seeing t he person i love most in this world suffer.
and he really did suffer.

so stick your judgements and your up your arse, because i saw the very worst of human nature in those few years.

how he got through it i will never know. but he did. and i thank my lucky stars.
everyday.

TheLadyEvenstar · 06/07/2011 00:31

Bold, can I borrow you for my meeting next week please? Grin

cricketballs · 06/07/2011 00:32

sorry vicar but are you still questioning my knowledge of SEN? lets start listing then....but that would be boring so I will just put it in a nutshell.....

DS is 12; behaves and learns like he is 4.....
motor skills as if he was 4........
everything else is like he is 2......

I have got students with a full statement/SA+ and SA through a large number of GCSEs and successfully into college

I fully understand SEN; not sure you understand the full remit

TheLadyEvenstar · 06/07/2011 00:34

Vicar, I admire you and your wonderful son. I am where you were, now I feel like I am walking up a down escalator. I am fighting his corner and jumped every hurdle so far -

cricketballs · 06/07/2011 00:36

cricketballs Wed 06-Jul-11 00:25:16

'the street cred' in secondary school is all about how much disruption you can cause........
Add message | Report | Message poster
TheLadyEvenstar Wed 06-Jul-11 00:25:48

Cricket you really haven't read properly have you? I have already met with the SENCO and am meeting with them again next week.

As for his yr6 Sats he walked it with 5's and finished so quickly they thought he had just shut his papers.

have you read my replies? I have said that if he had good KS2 results then that would be the stock answer so you need to push your case as schools are judged on their results and therefore need a good arguement to look closely at a child with good results

cricketballs · 06/07/2011 00:37

I can honestly say that those of you who dismiss the 'street cred' thing have never worked in a secondary school!!

ThatVikRinA22 · 06/07/2011 00:38

read boldbananas post

its not just me crickets.

you are the worst kind of SEN snob. the kind that says "i know what an SEN is and its THIS"

lady - it does get better albeit slowly. but do fight your boys corner, no one else will.
i really would advise posting for advice on your particular case on the SEN children board - some wonderful people on there.

There are some helplines but i didnt find them particularly helpful - i think if you have an ounce of fiest and a bit of common sense then they tend to leave you to it....but IPSEA are quite good, depending on who you get on the other end of the phone.

TheLadyEvenstar · 06/07/2011 00:39

Yes I have read your replies. You stated that disruption is due to wanting "Street Cred" - I know one thing my son CAN be disruptive but generally this only happens in a situation he finds stressful.

He has been called so many names, hit so many times etc because he has no street cred Sad

ThatVikRinA22 · 06/07/2011 00:40

crickets i'll say it again just in case you missed it...

you are the worst kind of SEN snob, the kind that says " i know what an SEN is - its THIS"

you are demonstrating your ignorance with every post.

TheLadyEvenstar · 06/07/2011 00:41

Vicar I have posted on SEN childrens board just at the weekend looking for help. Then when I had this appt sprung on me I added that. I have got to face 4 heads of departments and hoy next Tuesday at 8.15am.....I mean no pressure or anything on me!!!

fit2drop · 06/07/2011 00:43

yep vicar

your first sentence speaks volumes

The rest as harrowing and dreadful as it obviously was /is,

is a story I have heard so many many times in my line of work.
and no one absolutely no fucking one has the monopoly on the worst scenario, which is the way this thread is going.
Each and everyones story is unique and to them the most important so who the fuck are you to be so disrespectful to cricket and anyone else on here with a sn child just because they dispute or disagree with you.
All cricket has done is put her POV across...you however have got on your soapbox. It was advised ages ago that when the tone of this thread changed to the needs and help and support a child with SN could have that this thread be moved to SN section

Oh nooooooooooo spouts you , lets leave it here to educate the peasants.... how dare you assume that people on here have no idea about the problems people face , in fact probably worse than you could ever imagine.

YOU WANT THE LIME LIGHT, YOU WANT THE WORST/BEST STORY ...take it.

Here you go....take the crown..
feel better?

you surely would have had a more receptive audience if you had shown a little more compassion to people who do empathise with you and who actually some of whom would benefit from you vast knowledge of the support systems and networks in place instead of trying to be the bigger and better SN mum Hmm

good night

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