I wandered off this thread a while back because it all got very aggressive and unpleasant, but having popped back to it, there's a few things that I have found useful to read. I always like to find consensus rather than hold on to differences because I think it's the only way forward in any argument. Some of the anti-feminist digs on here have been quite nasty (and yes I've noticed those in particular because I am a feminist and I am sure that the non-feminists feel the same about posts attacking them) but I have kept on reading because I think it is important to understand each other's POV and see how people whose posts I have read and admired on other areas of the board can have opinions so different to mine on this thread.
To the poster who says they have a lot of feminist ideals but do not identify as feminist in the same way as you're quite eco-friendly but do not identify as an environmentalist, I think that's a fabulous summing up and has made a light-bulb go off in my head. It probably describes an awful lot of women who have posted on this thread. It's not that they're rejecting feminist principles by refusing to identify as feminists, it's just that consider equality between the sexes as just one of the many principles they hold important in their lives. As a feminist I think that explanation is 'cool' and I wouldn't consider anyone who identified with it to be anti-feminist or misogynistic.
As a feminist and I like that explanation. For some reason I 'get it' whereas the "I'm an equalist" explanation always makes me feel like those who say it are in denial of the fact that women still face a lot of (often unseen) disadvantages in life (though I am prepared to admit that I may be interpreting that denial unfairly BTW, as the word 'equality' has heavy connotations in feminist theory). Perhaps I have unfairly been labelling the "equalists" with faults they don't have and that's good to know. Can anyone who has called themselves an equalist come back and tell me if my second paragraph sums you up or whether I'm still wrong, please? TIA.
Personally, I love the feminist boards. I have learned a lot. I have had complete changes of heart about some of my attitudes - porn and rape - having read more about them. I have also had quite long-running disagreements with other feminists about the SAHM/WOHM debate on the feminist boards but I can't say I've ever felt like I shouldn't be in there. I think mostly we accept that there is room for us all - feminism is a very broad political arena.
But I am saddened if people genuinely feel shouted down, especially if they are new to feminism and their first forays result in them feeling silly or unwelcome. That's not very nice at all. I for one will make a greater effort to explain concepts that I may think are 'a given' in case someone who hasn't come across them before is reading.
I know I am a persistent debater myself, but I believe I have always been reasonable and polite and I have never resorted to name-calling or insults, though because I am human I am sure I have occasionally used dodgy humour, irony and been a little patronising on more than one occasion 
. But that's the nature of a discussion forum, surely? You can't get upset if people don't agree with you no matter how hard you try to change their mind. If we're all going to hold hands, agree with each other and cave in the first time someone voices an opinion strongly, the debate isn't going to go very far.
That said, I think it is entirely possible to have a reasoned debate and remain polite. I don't like aggression in threads and personally I think it detracts from people's arguments.