to not want to help someone to live after my death?

[dolldaggabuzzbuzz]

I am on the organ donor register. I am willing to donate all my organs to those who may need them in the event of my untimely death.

However, if the new system of presumed consent is brought in, I am opting out. I can't explain why I feel like I do about this. Am I being unreasonable?

I can be honest (please don't flame me). There is something in me psychologically that wants to keep everything where it is. I can't explain it. I know if I'm dead I won't feel it and I'll be helping someone else stay with their loved ones. Perhaps deep down the barrier is more about death than about donating. I can't get my head around that one day I might not be here. This sounds like waffle but perhaps if I got to the bottom of it I might be able to make that decision to donate. By forcing me to make a decision I am being forced to think about death and I really struggle with that to the point I can feel myself well up and get that real stuck feeling in my throat as I type. Sorry.

Shabba your post made me cry - I am so very sorry for your loss, your boy sounds likes he was an amazing little lad. X

Shabba, I'm so sorry for your loss, I feel so emotional reading posts like yours and Eggys. What an amazing boy you must be so proud of him and I am sure that the 2 children and their families will be eternally grateful for the amazing gift of sight they received from your precious son. Like me with my donor, I am so thankful every day and my thoughts are always with him and his family.

Toolate - noone is saying don't feel
Like that but if you don't want to donate dont accept organs either! That is only fair yes?!

Brilliant watching this debate as I work in tissue donation, keep posting people!

He was wonderful. I also lost one of my twin sons 10 years before DS3. He had severe heart problems and battled through life till he was 7 months old. I have their pictures on my profile. DS3 once said to me, on the way to school, when he was only about 4/5 years old....'Mum we dont live very long really do we? 'No we dont love.' 'I reckon we have to grab every day by the balls and shake it....' ROFL . Tomorrow, on his birthday I WILL be grabbing the day by the balls and shaking it.' xxx

shabba and Eggy, I am so sorry for your losses x

Thank you Karma. xx

Shabba and Eggy I am so sorry for your loss. I have always believed in organ donation and as I have lived a almost healthy life I hope somone will benefit after I die. I also hope my 2 dc's will do the same. x

Both sides of this issue are on this thread - our brave , loving mums Eggy and Shabba who took the worst day of their lives and made something hopeful and new for someone else out of all their pain - and people like Clucky80 whose lives have been changed, enriched and saved by organ donation.
It is simply not acceptable to look on this bravery and this benefit and say that you feel 'weird' about it and demand that I accept your selfishness as a reasonable belief. Those on this thread who will not donate organs - whether with an opt in or opt out system - are quite simply wrong.

TooLate, it sounds like you have thanatophobia, and I totally get where you're coming from. I have thanatophobia and would run crying from the room if organ donation was mentioned. I too thought it icky.

But Eggy's post opened my eyes. That last line got through to me.

I realised that it was the thought of death that freaked me out, not so much organ donation.

For me, if a mother in that position can have so much grace as to think of others, then I should try to as well. I'm going to die, my nightly panic attacks cannot change that, may as well help others on my way out, you know?

Shabba, just...you know. X

The stories are very touching and thought provoking x

I just typed a post but blinking internet connect dropped out.

To answer hairfullofsnakes.

I totally see your point. The gist of what I was trying to say was that I struggle to even think about accepting an organ. My 2 greatest fears are 1) death and 2) being very very sick. I've seen it first hand and I have some very raw emotions. As I've written these posts I can feel what it brings up in me. What I did work out as I typed the post that got lost is that if there was a register you had to register for both donating and accepting I'd be more likely to sign up. Why I was asking myself. I think it changes my focus. I start focusing on surviving and living thoughts for both the "other" person and myself. For some reason when I think about just donating I am focused on death for myself and I've obviously got some issues with all of that and just seem to lock up and shut it down. This is why also that the stories from people receiving organs are so important.

Yes...I know xx

I am blown away by the extraordinary lovingkindness that Eggy and Shabba have shown here. They are beacons of righteousness for the rest of us - they show us the heights that we can ascend to, if we will try.

stop wasting everyone's time... it's you're own personal choice. Perhaps all of those so keen to discuss this on AIBU could have better spent their time discussing how to promote organ/blood donor opportunities to less aware communities.

Anyone who gets a blood transfusion then can't donate for that reason. Imagine knowing 9 people gave you the gift of life and then you can't reciprocate until medical science moves on.

get a life and stop wasting everyone's time

So OP, you would deny other human beings the right to a life saving organ on a matter of principle?

Shabba - even though I have read your son's story several times on here, it still makes me cry. So :( that you lost such a wonderful little boy so soon.

Eggy - that was a great thing you did there too with your lovely boy - hope you are coping ok.

When I first got a donor card, I was 15 - and I crossed the corneas off, because I didn't understand what that was all about and didn't like the idea of having my eyes messed with - I am VERY squeamish about eyes. Later, I understood it better and got a new one, with corneas left in to be taken.

But lots of people believe the eyes are the window to the soul and really don't like the idea of the corneas being removed - maybe when you understand that the cornea is only like the double-glazing on the front of the eye, the eye itself is basically left alone, then you would feel better about donating your corneas. And anyway, once your dead, your soul has "left the building", so your window would be boarded up.

TheOriginalFAB - perhaps your mum is one of those who believe this too. I hope you told her that you would leave corneas on the card. Corneas might not save lives, but by God they can make them better for someone.

My biggest sadness is that now I live in Australia I cannot donate anything just in case I am infected with vCJD.

I've been loving at Shabba's beautiful babes with tears in my eyes. You and Eggy are just.. amazing. I hope if ever in your situation I could be so brave.

*Northernlurker Said:
It is simply not acceptable to look on this bravery and this benefit and say that you feel 'weird' about it and demand that I accept your selfishness as a reasonable belief. Those on this thread who will not donate organs - whether with an opt in or opt out system - are quite simply wrong.

you are so so right Northernlurker - those people who feel like that should be ashamed of themselves - especially as they would accept organ donation if they needed it.

Shabba - all I can say is xxxx
There are no words amazing enough to offer you - you are extremely brave. Thank you for sharing what you have berm through with us xxxx

thumbwitch I love your comments about donating corneas. My sons eyes were sparkly and very, very cheeky!! I must admit that it brought me massive comfort to know he had given sight to others. Thank you everybody for your very kind comments.

shabba - and eggy. Don't know what to say. Hope you have changed some minds here.

I got a bit worked up yesterday.

Organ donation saves lives lives, you have to die in a unique and quite rare way to become an organ donor. It was mentioned earlier that you are more likely to need an organ that donate one.

Tissue donation enhances lives, corneas, heart valves etc and this should now be offered to every bereaved family. There are certain criteria to meet - similar to those in blood donation. The way the tissues are reused is fascinating eg using donor bone as a splint as opposed to a metal pin, the bone fuses far better with bone avoiding later problems.

To me all of this makes perfect practical sense, but obviously not to others. What's important though is that the families are offered the choice. If they are not offered it and later found out that their loved ones wishes were pro donation, this can delay, interfere with the grieving process. Shabba & Eggy's noble decisions are proof that this decision aided their grieving process in knowing that their child had helped to save others lives.

I'm on the register and have donated bone marrow in the past (back when it was an invasive procedure which hurt a lot - it doesn't these days hint hint. )

However just to be clear on this, even now, if you are on the organ register your family can still say no to transplantation, it's you actually your choice because you have to be clinically dead or on the verge of it to be eligible. I think actually the law needs to change to say 'if X is of sound mind and decides to consent to donation before death, basically the family doesn't get to veto it unless there are compelling medical reasons only they know of' because I would be furious if I thought I'd made a decision only to have my spouse or children come along and refuse it based on not wanting to break what is in essence, the shell which I used to inhabit.

Shabba and Eggy you did an amazing thing and I thank you on behalf of those who benefitted. It's such a brave thing to do in such terrible circumstances.