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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to help someone to live after my death?

413 replies

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 29/06/2011 13:31

I am on the organ donor register. I am willing to donate all my organs to those who may need them in the event of my untimely death.

However, if the new system of presumed consent is brought in, I am opting out. I can't explain why I feel like I do about this. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
hairfullofsnakes · 29/06/2011 19:37

Tbh it's people like bubblecoral who put me off organ donation and I would only want my organs to go to those willing to
Donate too - petty it may be but I can't stand the rank hypocrasy of saying you would accept organ donation but would not donate yours

LolaRennt · 29/06/2011 19:42

I think I agree hairfullofsnakes if you are are not willing to give you should not be allowed to receive. I have family who are Jehova's Witness they give blood or organs but they definitly wouldn't accept them either

CrapolaDeVille · 29/06/2011 19:47

Bubb.... Are you really claiming that an unpreventable death with organs taken to save another life is as bad as a preventable death that no organs are available for?

Grief is a terrible thing but time does lessen the rawness of the pain, in time I think,even, the grieving parents would take comfort in saving another child's life.

verylittlecarrot · 29/06/2011 19:48

There's more than one type of hypocrisy. There is one which says "I do not intend to respect your wishes after your death, and will blatantly override them, but I want people to respect mine and abide by them when I die".

bubblecoral · 29/06/2011 19:48

I'm sure if I had personal experience of someone I love, or even know, on the waiting list, I would change my mind. Somehow I find it easier to feel myself in the position of being asked to donate my childs organs than being in the position of waiting for someone elses childs organs. And whether it's rational or not, I still think 'what if'.

What if there is some kind of afterlife and that is better if your body is left whole? It's impossible to reassure a parent that there is no way that that isn't true, because we just don't know. I'm not religious but I believe in a God of some kind. How do I know what he wants?

I'm being as honest as I can be, and I'm obviously up for being told that I'm selfish etc because I wouldn't automatically donate mine or my family's organs, but if that's how I feel, that's how I feel! I'm not wrong, they're feelings!

FWIW, I'm on the bone marrow register, I would be a living kidney donor for the vast majority of people I know, I give blood and keep going back to try to donate it even though 50% of the time they can't fill up one of the little bags because they either can't find the vein easily or blood doesn't flow quick enough. I'm not a complete ogre, I'm just someone that feels wierd at the though of dying and having bits of me taken out and put into someone else!

It's not exactly a natural process, why is it so hard for others to understand that someone isn't comfortable with it?

hugeleyoutnumbered · 29/06/2011 19:49

YES

bubblecoral · 29/06/2011 19:51

Crapola, of course it's as bad, if a child has to die, a child has to die! One is not more worthy of life than the other!

JamieAgain · 29/06/2011 19:52

"There's more than one type of hypocrisy. There is one which says "I do not intend to respect your wishes after your death, and will blatantly override them, but I want people to respect mine and abide by them when I die"."

They aren't equal though . One wish is a 8good8 wish - to save another person'd life/sight.

The other is an irrational "feeling" wish. That's what it boils down to to me

CrapolaDeVille · 29/06/2011 19:52

But if you believe in an afterlife why would you need a body at all?

Honestly it took me a long time to include 'eyes' on the donor card, no idea why (pardon the pun) perhaps it was the fact that they could be seen by grieving relatives.....but then I remembered that my eyes are likely to be shut when I'm dead!!

JamieAgain · 29/06/2011 19:52

good

CrapolaDeVille · 29/06/2011 19:55

Bubble..... Really?

Scenario one:

Child A, hit by car....DOA
Child B, needs a new heart waiting for a transplant.
Child A's parents donate organs
Child B saved

Scenario 2.

Child A, hit by car...DOA
Child B waiting for heart
Child A's parents won't donate
Child B dies waiting.

Whatever child A is dead. Child B doesn't have to be.

JamieAgain · 29/06/2011 19:59

verylittlecarrot

Oh, and if you opt out your wishes (irrational though they may be) will be respected.

verylittlecarrot · 29/06/2011 20:00

No Jamie - YOU don't get to define what is "good" and what is "irrational" for another person's body. If being irrational caused the removal of basic human rights most of us would be royally screwed.

JamieAgain · 29/06/2011 20:01

Human rights don't apply to dead people, IMO.

Good = helping other people

JamieAgain · 29/06/2011 20:02

Really must follow own moral stance and go and make dinner for family.

CrapolaDeVille · 29/06/2011 20:03

I'm really confused as to why anyone would not donate?

somethingwitty82 · 29/06/2011 20:05

I suggest a an opt in option at 18/end of school.

You do not give- you do not receive

Seems fair

verylittlecarrot · 29/06/2011 20:05

And if I opt out my wishes will be respected? Really?

It's been clearly stated that "wishes" would be ignored - explicitly. By you.

"I can't really be arsed to care much about the feelings of people who can't be arsed to tick a box."

You don't care about people's wishes, less respect them. If they haven't ticked the box you see this as carte blanche to disrespect their wishes.

verylittlecarrot · 29/06/2011 20:08

sorry, my last post was addressed to Jamie.

bubblecoral · 29/06/2011 20:08

Crapola, read your original sentence again, that's not what you said. You asked if an unpreventable death was as bad as a preventable one. My answer was yes, they are equally as bad. Child A's parents arent exactly going to get any comfort from the fact that nothing could be done.

JamieAgain · 29/06/2011 20:10

vlc - read all my posts, not just that one. I really can't see your problem with opting out. I'd not override that. The scenario was put to me about overriding the wishes of someone who had not opted out. That's what I said.

fedupofnamechanging · 29/06/2011 20:15

A lot of people who talk about the body remaining intact, forget about post mortems. Very few people go to the grave 'intact', so one might as well donate organs

CrapolaDeVille · 29/06/2011 20:17

No but can you imagine being the parents of child B, knowing that many parents wouldn't donate their child's organs that would save yours.

TBH If I only thought about giving organs, cutting up my child, mutilating the tiny body left behind, I too would not donate organs.....but I don't I have told friends and family and written to myself should I ever have to make the painful choice of donating my child's organs. I know grief would get in the way opf making the right choice and so I want to ensure when in sound mind that I have thought about this very clearly.

JamieAgain · 29/06/2011 20:19

good point karma

exoticfruits · 29/06/2011 20:32

The body isn't going to remain intact for long 6ft under! Less if cremated!

To OP- yes you are.