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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to help someone to live after my death?

413 replies

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 29/06/2011 13:31

I am on the organ donor register. I am willing to donate all my organs to those who may need them in the event of my untimely death.

However, if the new system of presumed consent is brought in, I am opting out. I can't explain why I feel like I do about this. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
bubblecoral · 29/06/2011 19:02

I will be dead but my family won't be. What if my dh knows that I don't want my organs to be used, but I haven't got round to opting out? Does he then have to live with the fact that he was powerless to stop people taking my organs out of my body when I didn't want that to happen?

I'm not saying selfish like it's a good thing at all. I'm just trying to say that I have the right to choose what happens to my own body, and therefore, unless it is 100% certain that I want my organs to be used, they shouldn't be used.

scurryfunge · 29/06/2011 19:05

You seem to feel strongly about it bubble so not getting round to opting out is a crap argument.

JamieAgain · 29/06/2011 19:05

So opt out. stop what iffing about "getting round to it". Use your right to opt out.

JamieAgain · 29/06/2011 19:05

or what scurry said.

TidyDancer · 29/06/2011 19:05

I'm not entirely happy with presumed consent, but I'm not happy with the opt in system either. I think with presumed consent, the feelings of the family should override the system. Only in cases where the donor has expressly opted in should the family and their feelings not be paramount.

suzikettles · 29/06/2011 19:06

What if your dh knows that you definitely do want your organs to be used, you carry a donor card but he refuses to sign his consent? That's the case as things stand.

I've not read or heard anything that suggests that the next of kin wouldn't still have a huge say in whether organs were taken or not. They may not have to sign permission under a system of presumed consent (although I suspect they would), but I'd bet any money that if your dh said said "bubblecoral had a great objection to her organs being donated, even though she hadn't formally opted out", this would be respected.

The alternative is huge scenes/possible legal action in hospitals, which noone would want.

dazzlingdeborahrose · 29/06/2011 19:07

Under the old system I opted in and had the option to say what I wanted to donate. Happy for corneas, heart, lungs, liver, kidneys. Not happy to donate skin or entire limbs for transplant. On the new system there's no such option so presumed consent appears to mean all or nothing. I need clarification of where I can state my actual wishes or I'm afraid I'll be opting out and leaving a letter with my family stating my wishes. It's simply not enough to look at a list of names and say they've not opted out so we'll pillage their body for everything.

Can we call it the gift of life if we take without asking?

EggyAllenPoe · 29/06/2011 19:08

as someone who has been through the experience of tissue donation of a loved one - even though I had expressly asked to do tissue donation every detail of this was checked over with us afterwards.

If i hadn't asked, no donation would have happened. they wouldn't have asked me, not on that day.
I think presumed consent would mean they would have to say 'do you want to opt-out of organ donation'? at that point, and i think they would still do all the checking they did (some of it is on medical grounds to screen out the potential for blood disease transference) if it was going ahead.

so in answer to the OP - YABU, and i think people who object to 'opt out' system are ignoring the fact that it would be very sensitively applied.

Part of my sons beautiful eyes are in another child helping him to see. That can only be a good thing.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/06/2011 19:09

bubblecoral... As long as if your child or husband need an organ and it's not available for you, you take it on the chin and accept that people have the same rights as you to refuse, that's fine. What if you see the doctor speaking to the partner or parent of the person who has just died... and the organ needed is decaying by the second, but you can't have it for your beloved family member? Would you have a problem with it though, that person's apathy over a dead body? Would you just shrug and should your child be allowed to die for want of an organ?

Cymar · 29/06/2011 19:09

My mother used to tell me that if I wanted to do something, I had to make the time to do it. You should do it too Bubblecoral. Opting out should be as simple as signing a form at your GP's surgery when your next there.

LolaRennt · 29/06/2011 19:09

YOu'd let someone's child/wife/husband die because the govt has pissed you off? Yes YAB so fucking U

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/06/2011 19:12

I had no idea it was possible to transport whole limbs, or any part. So clever. I'm on the register, they can have the lot. :)

bubblecoral · 29/06/2011 19:13

You feel strongly too, so you can opt in. Because that's your body, you get to make the choice. Your opinion should not be held above mine when it comes to my body.

This is one of those subjects where people on opposite sides of the fence are unlikely ever to be convinced to join the other side, but I really do think a lot of the arguements on here for opt out could be used the other way just as easily.

LolaRennt · 29/06/2011 19:14

Bubblecoral I apologise for bringing up another thread (and I may even be incorrect) I know its not the done thing, but aren't youprolife? Shouldn't you feel that in order to save another life your choice over (your lifeless body) shouldn't be as imnportant as saving another human being?

bubblecoral · 29/06/2011 19:17

LWITW, yes, because it's not my organ to take. It's theirs to give graciously or not at all. It would be heartbreaking, obvioulsy, but no more than that of the family that has just lost a child and is now being asked if parts of their precious child to be transplanted into someone else.

hairfullofsnakes · 29/06/2011 19:18

So bubblecoral answer the question if you, your child or dh needed an organ you would refuse right? Because if you would accept whilst not wanting to offer yours upon death you are a stinking hypocrite.

OP your stance is petty and very nasty - yabvvu

hairfullofsnakes · 29/06/2011 19:21

I don't believe for a second you would not accept the organ for your child bubblecoral - I bet if you were in that situation you would

bubblecoral · 29/06/2011 19:21

Lola - I'm pro life in the majority of circumstances, not all - cases of rape etc. But I would be opposed to someone ending a life that has had the choice to prevent it. The fact that at some point a choice had been made, ie, to have unprotected sex, makes all the difference imo.

LolaRennt · 29/06/2011 19:21

Nothing could be worse than DD dying. Nothing, a doc taking an organ would just be something happened. But if it meant another baby not dying and another parent not suffering, why shouldn't you have to do that?

LolaRennt · 29/06/2011 19:24

You'd prefer someone be forced to save a fetus over someone be forced to save a child (using the body parts that they don't need anymore and won't be affected by it)? An actual living here child? I really can't understand that and I think I am pretty sympathetic to most prolifers.

bubblecoral · 29/06/2011 19:28

I already answered the question Confused. About halfway through the thread, I volunteered the answer!

Of course I would take an organ if my dh or dc needed it. I'm not disagreeing with organ donation, I'm disagreeing with presumed consent. As many people on the waiting list, or with family on the waiting list, also do.

Read the thread back, there was an amazing post from a lady whose dd had been given another child's organ, and then sadly went on to die herself, and even she didn't agree with presumed consent.

I realise what I'm saying is hypocritical, but I can't force myself to feel comfortable knowing that my organs could be taken out of my body when I die if I simply don't feel it. Can you make yourself feel happy about doing something that you instinctively feel is wierd?

StealthPolarBear · 29/06/2011 19:28

Eggy...wow

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/06/2011 19:31

It's such a difficult thing to understand, the organ donation 'fors' versus the 'againsts'. Really a 'them and us' scenario. :(

The thing is, even if a decision was taken that the 'against' could not receive an organ themselves, it could never be transposed so that a child of the 'against' would not receive an organ if needed.

I think you'd change your mind, bubblecoral, it's so easy in the abstract to say that you'd let your child die but, if you were faced with that, like any parent, you'd literally sell your soul to save your child, you'd do anything.

Even if this thread hasn't moved you, perhaps go and do your own thinking and your own research to see what it is that would make you refuse to donate your organs. If you still feel that way then you do, but there's no shame in changing your mind and if you change it back and forth fifty times, it's all academic up until the point you die anyway.

hairfullofsnakes · 29/06/2011 19:33

Bubble you can do and feel
What you want but I think it is awful - just awful
That you would not give your organs but would happily take organs if you/your child needed them. If you are not willing to
Give your organs don't take
Them either.

proudfoot · 29/06/2011 19:35

YABU and nuts Hmm