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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think visitors( distant relatives you have never met) should not think it is okay to stay for a week.

72 replies

cherrysodalover · 28/06/2011 20:59

I'm venting.

On holiday dropped in to see husband's cousin- another branch of the family was visiting and they mentioned they were coming to our part of the country.Kindly my husband said-you are welcome to stay...thinking a couple of nights as this is what reasonable people may think is okay when you have a toddler.

So it turns out to be 9 days- 4 people- other relatives who had come over for an event.
They are due to go and I am blumin knackered- cooking huge meals every night. Would you not think they would give us a night off and go for a meal whilst on holiday....no no just "What time shall we be back for dinner?"

Dropped so many hints ...none taken.
I have instructed my husband to never ever make such a polite offer again.

What kind of people think it is okay to stay a week with relatives they have never met before?Stay in every night and expect to be given the tourist show at the weekend when it is the only time we get for quality time together?

That feels better to have said it....I just cannot believe the cheek of it to be honest.Are any of you okay with distant relatives just turning up with only a week of notice to use your home like a full board hotel?

OP posts:
Hassled · 28/06/2011 21:01

I would have had a full scale hissy fit at the point at which my DH said they were welcome to stay. And then the ultimate tantrum after Day 2. You're a Living Saint.

To clarify: no, I wouldn't be OK with it.

Meglet · 28/06/2011 21:05

yanbu. I would freak.

And I wouldn't go and stay in someone else's house at all for more than a night or two if I had to.

Original poster
cherrysodalover · 28/06/2011 21:06

Hassled.Thank you.I have not felt like a saint as they have driven me round the bend ( and I have been so intensley irritated that is must have shown through my smiling gritted teeth) with their economical approach to their holiday and my husband has been warned to not put me in this position again...he is just a very nice guy. But I just think how thick skinned have you got to be to accept a generous offer like beds for 4 and think it is fine to extend it so long? Not go out to dinner at least once- give us a break? I feel like never ever offering people a place to stay ever again.

OP posts:
Original poster
cherrysodalover · 28/06/2011 21:06

Meglet- thank you. I love this Am I going to get validated area of mumsnet. Therapy.

OP posts:
EldonAve · 28/06/2011 21:07

um well we have done this Blush
but we will also host and would have offered to cook etc

floweryblue · 28/06/2011 21:09

This sort of thing gets sprung on me a couple of times a year, hissy fits don't work. I go to work, leave long lists of instructions for DP/guests, find out their most hated foods and present them well. DP and his family either muck in or get the message.

Original poster
cherrysodalover · 28/06/2011 21:10

But Eldon- did you get in touch first( like give notice) and give them a chance to get out of it? I just hate the way my husband was put on the spot in person whilst they were on holiday- I was not in the room. I was not consulted- the woman was not even appreciative just assuming and expectant. Wouldn't you check in with the mum and make sure such a long stay is acceptable?

OP posts:
Original poster
cherrysodalover · 28/06/2011 21:11

I had no idea people could be so assuming, thick skinned and tight arsed all at the same time.

OP posts:
chandellina · 28/06/2011 21:12

wow, i could understand if they were coming from thousands of miles away, but another part of the country is not acceptable! and guests of more than a few nights should always take their hosts out to dinner or make them dinner at least once.

bellavita · 28/06/2011 21:14

Oh blimey, I would arrange not to be in during the day. DH invited them him deal with it.

Original poster
cherrysodalover · 28/06/2011 21:14

Oh yes they were from another country but out of 3 weeks in our country they stayed in a hotel for 5 nights. Apparently they got their flights on flight points too....so minimal cost there. I just would never put someone I had never met in this position as we know guests equal work unless it is really close family.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 28/06/2011 21:15

How were they tight-arsed?

Are you sure it's not just that you are such a wonderful cook and/or they thought you expected them for dinner?

LaurieFairyCake · 28/06/2011 21:16

please tell me they brought lots of wine/chocs/interesting artisanal produce?

Cantstopshouting · 28/06/2011 21:16

YADNBU. How rude.

Original poster
cherrysodalover · 28/06/2011 21:17

Thanks guys- it is silly to complain now but i have got a bee in my bonnet on this one and I am wondering if there are people who think it fine to just spring a visit on someone through some vague family connection just to clearly save money on hotels/meals etc.See the way I phrased that question....

OP posts:
Onemorning · 28/06/2011 21:17

YANBU.

My parents live in Spain. My DSD is forever inviting his freeloading family (who never contacted my parents in the UK) to come and stay.

Poor you. You're far nicer than me, I have a very low tolerance for houseguests (I feel killy at day 3) and would have told them to fuck off.

floweryblue · 28/06/2011 21:18

Chandellina, DP's dad brought his family, from thousands of miles away, to stay in our 2 bed house for two weeks, we were meant to be grateful for the honour of his presence. DP's dad got me a shit breadmaker as a thank you, DP returned it and got me a fab one instead! Coz he understood how horrendous I found it all, and also coz he was grateful for the effort I put into him spending time with his far away family.

Original poster
cherrysodalover · 28/06/2011 21:19

Laurie-a harvest festival type presentation of toliet tissue/washing liquid/etc) after doing many loads during the week) and other such practical items after I dropped some serious hints on the penultiamte day of their stay so some sort of gesture, which I probably should have appreciated more than I am......

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 28/06/2011 21:21

You hinted and they brought you bog roll Grin

at some point you will find this very funny

Original poster
cherrysodalover · 28/06/2011 21:21

So run me through how we avoid this happening again onemorning.

the e mail comes with the request- what do we say.

I'm sorry we can't accommodate you and just give no reason?

We were in person on this one so it was tricky to get out of as they just waited for us to offer after saying they were coming our way.

OP posts:
Original poster
cherrysodalover · 28/06/2011 21:22

Laurie- we have been having silent fits of giggles over it when we are in bed on a night so shocking has it been- the stuff of comedy actually.

OP posts:
floweryblue · 28/06/2011 21:22

Bog roll - love it, love it, love it. I am obsessed with bog roll and ensuring supply!

PS was coming back to apologise for use of coz

ScarletOHaHa · 28/06/2011 21:23

Not the least bit silly. When staying OVERNIGHT I take wine, chocs and foodie goodies as host/ess gifts. They may be savinbg money but they are costing you. I would hope they brought will leave fantastic pressies. This is not fine and I suggest you visit them for a month next year. Cheeky feckers. FOUR ADULTS ?!?

LaurieFairyCake · 28/06/2011 21:25

Yes, do a return visit and act like the Queen of Sheba.

maybe develop some new nuances and eccentricities like walking around naked with socks on and saying you're on a roast-pouisson-only-diet

Ormirian · 28/06/2011 21:25

1 night? Fine
2 nights? OK.

More than that? Nope. Would invent a plague of fleas/sewage backflow issue/urgent visit to other end of the country.