To think the bf flash mob thing that is happening on Friday is a bit smug?

[Piggyleroux]

I bf my 15 mo ds and found bf quite straightforward from the off. I am aware that I was extremely lucky and I know a lot of women really struggle with it. I am also aware that bfing rates in this country are among the lowest in europe.

However, I think bfing needs to be normalised and I feel that this demonstration only serves to sensationalise bfing and imo, make the women taking part seem a bit smug and 'look at me' iyswim and just make people who ff feel even more shit.

Wouldnt it be better for bfing women to openly bf in public rather than do a mass gathering on one day? It really doesn't sit ring with me and I don't think that it will change attitudes or help women who really struggle with bfing.

Aibu?

Well just as I don't see those who FF as anything to do with me or any of my business nor do I feel the same about those BF. They aren't smug they are doing something important to raise awareness would people rather they hid out of sight just in case somebody who can't do it takes offense.

I can't bloody sing but I don't mind those who can taking to the stage.

Janey68, I have never come across a BF who will say no if offered a boob, really you certainly wouldn't need to force the issue they love it anytime night and day.

BF baby - not a best friend

And nobody on here has suggested bf should be done in secret.
IMO babies should be fed when they need to be fed- not , I will say it again, to fit some political agenda. A baby isn't a tool to use for that purpose

I am with Usualsuspect on this one. I don't think it is smug - just misguided.

The best way to normalise BFing is to, well, normalise it. Gathering in a big group in a random public place and having a feedathon is not normal, every day behaviour.

The most helpful thing that everyone pro-breastfeeding could do is to be open and relaxed about feeding in cafes, parks, shopping centres, wherever they happen to be, and to be friendly and encouraging to other mums doing the same. And to talk openly and positively about it.

That is the way that BFing will become normal and accepted once again. you can't force a culture change overnight and that is what events like this seem to forget. Culture change is a gradual, creeping thing that comes about through more and more people understanding and accepting something.

I think, for a lot of people, events like this have little to do with normalising BFing and a lot to do with their own feelings about BFing.

"Oh I would have breastfed but I didn't know how" as breastfeeding help is everywhere.

And plenty of people could rightly say that, the help is patchy to say to the least, I nearly gave up with my 4th BF baby due to lack of help and information about the new issue I was facing. Every baby is different and every BF'ding relationship is different. It's damn hard work and those who stick with it have my full admiration.

Ozziegirly I really don't think that "breastfeeding help is everywhere" - it's common for people not to get the help they need, even while they're in hospital. I know two friends who ended up with bleeding nipples before they even left the hospital because they didn't get help. And cuts in midwife numbers aren't going to help - so if anyone's going to get 'militant' about it that might be a good place to start.

janey68 - breastfed babies do have a lovely cuddle with mummy and a quick drink at the same time. Breastmilk changes in content according to the baby's need. You can't overfeed a breastfed baby, they regulate their own appetite and are less likely to be obese in later life.

No, im not convinced that every baby everywhere will 'never say no' to bf. If I had woken mine up and tried to bf , for example, when they didn't wake of their own accord wanting it, they would probably have been very grouchy and unsettled.

The countess- you are saying exactly what I am! The BABY regulates its feeding - not the mother, which is why I am unconfortable about any Agenda which says 'i am going to try to make my baby bf simultaneously at a specific moment with 500 other people!'

I listen to talk radio a lot and every so often the issue of bf in public comes up. Every single time you will get callers (both male and female) objecting to militant bfers who insist on whipping them out (I know you all love that phrase ) for all to see and they find it offensive.

Now you and I know that women who do this are greatly in the minority and most women just want to feed their child when it needs it and with as little fuss and flesh on display as they can manage. But there is still this public perception that women who bf in public make a huge song and dance about it and make sure everyone knows they're doing it. In my mind, gatherings like this only serve to increase that perception and prove the idiots right.

We need to normalise it, not make a big deal of it. How you do that I have no idea. For a million and one reasons I didn't bf. I am hoping to do so this time, but being very large of breast, the feeding in public issue does worry me.

I don't think there's an anti bf group in society exactly but there is certainly a very negative attitide to breastfeeding older children, at least around where I live. I have never seen a baby older than about 8/9 months being breastfed and the majority of my friends, if they did it at all, stopped at 3-5 months. The concept of feeding a child over one year old attracts words such as 'gross', 'weird', 'ludicrous' and 'stupid'.

I guess the reason for that is unfamiliarity. Until I joined mumsnet a couple of months ago I had no idea that anyone beyond the odd vegan hippy type breastfed toddlers. Now that I read about it all the time it's starting to seem far less odd and now I tend to think 'each to their own' than 'omg how weird'.

So, while I don't think anybody needs information about or exposure to breastfeeding babies I think they might when it comes to accept people's choices to breastfeed children. Maybe a flash momb of 1 year plus kids would have more of the effect they are loooking for? I certainly have basic questions about breastfeeding toddlers that I feel kind of stupid asking (but will anyway, if anyone wants to answer!: "What percentage of the child's diet is breastmilk - ie, is it just a snack or an actual meal?", "Do they eat solid food too?" "How do you fit it in around work?" "Are you as happy feeding your toddler in public as you were your baby?"

I think this flashmob malarkey is making a song and dance about it,not actually the majority of BF mums

just to clear that up

Agree usualsuspect

And IMO babies should bf when THEY choose, not to fulfil any other agenda

If they try sitting down on the concourse at rush hour they'll just get mown by home-bound commuters - not cos they are anti-bf but just cos they want to get home.

two points.. firstly, its not being held at rush hour

secondly, most will be standing

it sounds dreadful and tbh it sounds exactly the kind of thing which makes many women feel patronised and bullied by militant bfers. I think the main reason why people don't bf isn't because they think its weird or uncommon its generally because they find it extremely difficult and having a bunch of smug, yes, smug middle class mummies waving their tits around in Paddington and ratcheting up the smugness a notch further would actually want me to break out the cow & gate....

I'm not sure about this either, BUT....

If a large group of mothers and babies were meeting together, for whatever reason, for any length of time, then those babies would require feeding.

What's unusual in this situation is that all of the mother/baby combos will be breastfeeding and that is very unusual in this country.

A flashmob isn't a large group meeting for a lengthy time for another purpose. It is a very quick, sudden event where at a given moment people create an 'event' for maximum impact, then recede into the background

Yeah, I know.

I wish people would stop referring to "waving their tits around", whipping out boobs, flapping norks etc.

As if I'd refer to "rummaging around for crusty old bottles of formula" or "shoving a manky rubber teat In a baby's face" etc.

Gwendoline ah but whether a bf woman "is making a song and dance about it" is also based on the perception of the observer. I know some people who think anyone who feeds in public is making a "song and dance about it" when in fact they, themselves may just consider that they are quietly feeding their baby.

My (otherwise lovely) FIL was appalled that a female relative was making such a "big deal" about breast feeding her son..... What I saw was a woman who quietly, and without showing any flesh or interupting the conversation sat and fed her child at a family gathering.

His experience with bfing prior to that was that women hid away in spare rooms to feed away from the menfolk.

10 years later he wisely kept quiet when I ebf my twins. His discomfort (and to a lesser extent my MILs) was obvious and he spent a lot of time in he kitchen making tea in the early days but he got used to it eventually. And yes I'm pretty sure in the early days he thought I was making " a song and dance about it" when my own Dad just reckoned I was sitting there feeding the babies....

Don't have much opinion either way on the value of flash mobs as I've never seen one but I am certain that there is value in women feeding publically - it is difficult for people to consider something 'normal' if they never see it.

BTW I do find the increase in 'smug' comments about bfing mothers annoying - come on Sisters let's show each other a little support. OTOH am I proud that I exclusively bf my twins for more than a year damn right I am yes, it is one of the finest achievements of my life.

People who imagine that women are "whipping them out for all to see" when they are just feeding their baby/toddler are projecting their own issues in the same way as people who think a man giving his make partner a kiss outdoors is "rubbing it in their face".

The very fact that people get so offended by such a normal, natural thing and imagine it as some kind of affront to them means that it won't be normalised by being "discreet" (i.e. hiding it, because it's disgusting).

It also won't be normalised by just doing it in cafes, preferably special "child friendly" cafes where they can keep their disgusting habits to themselves.

The day a woman gets asked to put her bottle away because it is offensive to have it uncovered in public, is the day I will accept that there aren't cultural issues around women's bodies, and breasts in particular, that are just reinforced by accepting that breastfeeding should be done "discreetly".

People who are offended by public breastfeeding are as wrong as people who are offended by public gayness. If women want to meet up en masse to breastfeed and take pleasure from that, then good on them. The idea that they shouldn't because "it won't help" appease bigots is really sad :(

My DD2 frequently refused the breast - she liked her food in "meals" and wasn't into snacking or comfort feeding. But I couldn't "force feed" her. If she wasn't interested she would just demur.

You're really reaching for reasons to be against this if you're arguing that mothers should never offer a feed unless the baby had agreed in writing that they are happy to receive such an offer.

Weirdly, I found my desire to "whip them out" in public passed when I stopped breastfeeding.

You'd have thought I'd still enjoy making a "song and dance" about my tits, but no. Despite the lack of a pesky baby covering up my norkage and making sure it was really out for "all to see", I just lost all interest in showing my boobs off.

manic - my 21 month old feeds only a couple of times a day normally. he eats normal meals i guess it replaces a cup of milk in the morning, he sometimes likes a wee feed/cuddle when i get in which i think is less about the milk. i work full time/shifts and he is pretty adaptable to it being a bit random. hope that helps :)

this sort of discussion is more useful in normalising than a flash mob imo.

i don't bring up bf deliberately in conversation, but if i hear people perpetuating rubbish myths or slagging off feeding toddlers, i do feel the need to explain that it's not a big deal.

ithink if there was more support from professionals about breast feeding mothers may breastfeed fot longer when i had ds1i fully intended to breastfeed and was all motivated talking [once]toa breast feeding support worker on the maternity ward after he was born however after that whenever i called for help somebody would come along stay with me for no longer than a minute position him say yes he has latched on then go off again where he would immediatley fall off again i,m sure i should have given it more time but as a neurotic new mother who did nt get the hang of breast feeding immediatley i just wanted him fed so switched to formul didnt even bother trying with ds2after my experiences first time both my boys are perfectly healthy