Husband of a friend telling off my child

[900cherry]

I was invited out this morning with some neighbours who are good friends. The husband is known to be snappy and to have little patience with his own children.
In the space of an hour, he told my 4 year old daughter to 'stop whining' and in a cafe, he snapped at her to 'OI, STOP THAT' when she kicked him under the table ( she was doing it playfully). My daughter burst into tears and came and sat on my lap. When his wife, who is a good friend, commented to him to calm down, he agressively responded 'Its not my problem if she's crying cos I told her off for not kicking me. She can deal with it'.

She is 4.

I said nothing as I didn't want to upset his wife, who I know was mortified.

I really want to email him tomorrow to tell him how inappropriate and uncalled for it was. AIBU? What would you do?

PS. The ironic thing is, he has an obnoxious daughter who is really badly behaved and I say nothing!

Why should you be the one to do it? He was the one she kicked!

I reserve the right to tell off any child that kicks me, I don't care who she belongs to!

I would be livid if a child was kicking me

If my child kicked someone i would be mortified and ask them to apologise

She could have kicked him accidentally, without meaning to. He definitely over-reacted. An email won't help at all IMO, I'd just avoid him - he doesn't sound very nice.

i say to my friends 'do feel free to discipline' I do not mind my lovely friends encouraging good behaviour in my children. My children also learn that all aprents do it and that is good too

I agree with EmsieRo. I am always very careful if I have to ask someone else's child to do anything.
Don't you remember being a child and having some strange grownup suddenly bark something at you, misunderstanding your intentions, hurting your feelings, and humiliating you?
I hate the way people think it's ok to order kids around.

Absolutely, very intolerant of badly behaved children. Though I'm more intolerant of their parents, you'd think they'd teach them some manners. To think of it "yes, dear, of course you can kick everybody you meet. Make sure to do it with a smile so they know you're just being playful."

My own son hit me in the face (by accident) the other day. "Bloody Hell, X, be a bit careful can you!" was my response - it HURT! Would not have objected if it had been a friend who gave this (IMO) natural response to a whack on the nose!

IMemoo - I would expect her to tell her not to do it firmly. I would then be aware of it and deal with it. I was sat next to him.

Bet she won't kick him again.

Totally is agree - he was kicked by yr dd, he has the right to bloody well tell her to stop.

Why do you think other people should not tell her off? What happens when she starts school etc?

It's a mental denarii you're suggesting - kid kick man, man asks mum to ask kid to stop kicking him. Erm, no.

Your dd will grow up with an idea that she can behave how she likes and learn from you that other people do nt have the right to challenge her bad behavior.

That is seriously wrong IMO.

Please re think.

If someones kid was kicking me I'd not bother saying to the mother oh can you tell your child to stop kicking me whilst she continues to do it, I'd say don't kick that's naughty.

Would it been ok if your daughter kept kicking another child, perhaps?
Should the other child, or his/her parents have accepted it because it was "playful kicking"?

In my house, we have "cuddle slaps", they are little gentle pats on bottoms. They are usually accompanied by hugs and kisses. I doubt this was what your daughter was engaged in....

Snailoon . I think you have summed up how I felt. They are good friends of ours and she was sh.

I am stunned how many people on here focused on the fact that she kicked (which is not OK btw!) rather than how he responded to it and actually frightening her. She's 4, he's 34!

In my book kicking is not "playful". I daresay she meant no harm by it, but I can see why he was annoyed. I wouldn't send an email to him. Best to move on.

Thesecondcoming.
I have acted similarly with my neices and nephews. It has resulted in them not particularly liking my company any more. The fact is, I'm not their parents.

I don't know why "Oi! Stop that!" is unreasonable?

So you didn't see it but you know it was playful and that he over-reacted. She kicked him, he told her off and then she cried. Absolute storm in a teacup.
I'm with him on this one. Yabu

Well even if he was a bad tempered shit,, she'll think twice before irritating the hell out of playfully kicking an adult again won't she? Lesson learned.

Sounds more likely your DD was pissed off that he had a go about whinging and gave him a sly dig to me. ''Oi, stop that'' when being kicked by a four year old sounds a measured response. What did you want him to do?

Another YABU from me I'm afraid.

And no wonder your DD burst into tears if this is how you react over someone quite rightly telling her off.

Just because it was 'playful' doesn't mean it can't hurt. It's not like he insulted her or called her a name fgs.

Maybe she reacted so strongly cos she was surprised another adult dared challenge her bad behavior?

Some kids cry easily anyway. Especially if they're not used to getting told off.

You didn't say if you and or she apologized to him for the kicking?

"I would expect her to tell her not to do it firmly. I would then be aware of it and deal with it. I was sat next to him."

But cherry, he DID tell her not to do it firmly!

Yet you're not happy with him doing the very thing you expect of an adult who is kicked by your child!

That's not making sense to me.