Husband of a friend telling off my child

[900cherry]

I was invited out this morning with some neighbours who are good friends. The husband is known to be snappy and to have little patience with his own children.
In the space of an hour, he told my 4 year old daughter to 'stop whining' and in a cafe, he snapped at her to 'OI, STOP THAT' when she kicked him under the table ( she was doing it playfully). My daughter burst into tears and came and sat on my lap. When his wife, who is a good friend, commented to him to calm down, he agressively responded 'Its not my problem if she's crying cos I told her off for not kicking me. She can deal with it'.

She is 4.

I said nothing as I didn't want to upset his wife, who I know was mortified.

I really want to email him tomorrow to tell him how inappropriate and uncalled for it was. AIBU? What would you do?

PS. The ironic thing is, he has an obnoxious daughter who is really badly behaved and I say nothing!

I don't think it is unreasonable to ask a child to stop whining. My DH works bloody hard all week and would not want to go our for a coffee which was ruined by a child whining (neither would I but I am trying to compare her situation) and my DH is really great with kids. We have no tolerance of it in our house and ask DD to 'stop using that whining voice and try again' or similar. I'd have no qualms saying the same to another child if it was ruining our experience.

That said, he does sound like a grumpy person so perhaps this came on too quickly or he didn't say it in a particularly appropriate way.

Not that sweet, lapin... maybe demi-doux?

fuckme I wont hold me breath for an answer then

Im with the majority here.

You do sound precious and i am sick of going to soft play cafe's where it seems most of the mums are just like you. I am forever telling off all the bloody annoying, PFB's for hitting, fighting etc.

Yes my son does it too but he gets a quick, short sharp telling off when he does.

Weird thing is all the kids get attracted to me and want to play with my and my boy so maybe I am not a grumpy as you would have me thought.

Also I dont care if strangers tell my boy off. In fact this should be law. Part of the big society everyone keeps going on about.

The facts are plain to see, most of us have no time for badly behaved kids, or kids whos parents don't discipline them quickly/effiecently. If you want your dd to behave well and be liked, you need to make changes to your attitude.

I used to have a friend whos rare chastisments were always prefaced with 'Darling' What the fuck is the point of that?

When her ds whacked my ds in the face with a bat and I told him to stop immediately, she finally got off her arse came and told me that she would be the one to tell him off, I could only do it if she wasn't there.
No love, my house, my rules.

Final straw was a night from hell at my caravan. Her little darling rudely awoke me by jumping on my head at 5am. I took him into the living room and she was dozing on the sofa. I asked her if she had found the breakfast cereal and cartoon chanels etc as I was going back to bed. Went back to bed, he continued to whine and shout, not once did I hear her deal with it.(walls are very thin at the caravan) I got up, sorted him some food, told him to behave himself or no swimming and he was good as gold. She just doesn't discipline him or give him direction/boundries.

I don't speak to her now, lost all respect.

Mrspoc do let me know when you are next going and you can do my job as a parent for me

"has DD perhaps been advance selected for Oxbridge?"

Now don't be silly! She'll be too busy tutoring Stephen Hawkings

SenoritaViva - will do. Ingfact i enjoy running around soft plays. Just hate having to tell everyone kids off.

I'm also very impressed by MrSpoc's thoughtfulness in not interrupting the mums and dragging them away from their coffee/texting/chat/blank adoration of their PFB's.

Oh god sorry MrSpoc, just realised I called you a Missus. And you didn't even get out the correcting pen. How lovely you are.

uselesscamhs - id much rather leave them too it. Why sit having a coffee when you can go on the big curly slides.

MrSpoc I did the same at soft play, strung myself out by how lax the mums were that I've barred myself. Depresses me this is how parenting is today for so many mums.

SenoritaViva - No problem. Didnt even notice.

How does a 4 year old get selected to go to a "top" school? I assume we're talking a fee paying school here?

Seymore... were you watching 'The Game' last week with Michael Douglas by any chance?

Especially based on her behaviour when she is still so young and developing. May be her behaviour will drastically change with all the big scary strangers telling her off for her playful kicking.

Worra, what are you talking about? I'm an American and wouldn't allow my son to kick anyone

CheerfulYank Go back and read the post...I said 'full stop' because I'm not American. In other words, I was referring to the use of the word 'period' which is a pet peeve of mine

I wasn't saying Americans allow their kids to kick people!

ROFL at Americans allowing kids to kick people

I don't think it was his place to tell your child not to whine. As for the playful kicking he could easily have made a little joke out of it to keep it lighthearted, but at the same time making you aware that she was doing it. I think he overstepped the mark. Personally I wouldn't be going for coffee with him again!

Lying.. no, but I have got it planner! Have I said something daft?

got it on planner.

I haven' t seen many replies on here that are vicious (especially for AIBU). Forthright, yes, disagreeing with you, yet. But does that = vicious ??

Many of us have been to MN meet-ups around the country and found at that we are all human beings who are actually quite nice even if we parent differently.

FWIW - according to some MNers, I am a baaaaad parent because I let ds drink fruit shoots and/or gave him grapes in a supermraket and/or let him walk/cycle to school too young and/or left him alone in the house too young and/or let him taste alcohol and/or left him in the car when I paid for petrol and/or used reins but on the other hand I know that they are wrong - but we all make our own choices in parenting and I have enjoyed meeting them :)