Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have not bought my friends a coffee?

147 replies

ConnorTraceptive · 19/06/2011 20:39

I meet up with my friend and her dp once a month for a coffee and catch up. Every single time we meet, I arrive on time, to find they have got there 15 minutes earlier and are half way through their first cup of coffee. Fair enough.

Usually I say a quick hello, get the dc's sat down and go up to get my coffee and ALWAYS ask them if they would like another which they always do. Again fair enough no objections to buying coffees BUT because they've then had two coffees they don't want a third and never return the offer to get me a second cup.

If this was a one off or occassional occurence it wouldn't bother me but it is everytime so today I decided to arrive 15 minutes early and thought I would get myself a drink and see how it panned out. However by arriving early it turned out we all got there at the same time.

So we found a table, everyone sat down and there was a lengthy tumbleweed moment whilst we sat there with noone making the first move to go order coffee. It was really painfull and I nearly cracked but eventually my friends dp got up and said "shall I go up then? Do you want one?"

I decided not to offer to buy another round of coffees after we finished the first, just wrapped the conversation up and said our goodbyes.

I went completely against my nature not to offer to get the first round and definately made me uncomfortable not to reciprocate but I kinda feel that they are not playing nicely either.

AIBU (i know this is a pathetic concern in the grand scheme of life but it is taking my mind off more stressfull worries!)

OP posts:
ZillionChocolate · 19/06/2011 21:16

YWNBU at all. If the numbers are uneven, then I tend to think that the couple should pay more often. If you enjoy their company, I'd just stop offering the second coffee when you arrive.

Original poster
ConnorTraceptive · 19/06/2011 21:17

They're not particularly wll off but not skint they are very carefull with money and even with each other are very much "well I paid for petrol so you can buy the groceries" etc

OP posts:
melezka · 19/06/2011 21:17

I am quite shocked to learn that people actually do this on purpose!

Gosh the things you find out on MN...

ThePathanKhansWoman · 19/06/2011 21:18

mrskravitz wtf?? "i was a tiny girl" shouldn't have been in the effing bar then!.

WhoAteMySnickers · 19/06/2011 21:19

YANBU. They sound like a pair if tightwads who are happy to take advantage. Next time, don't offer them a coffee, just get your own.

MrsKravitz · 19/06/2011 21:19

Tiny as in petite (not able to drink a lot)

firemansamantha · 19/06/2011 21:20

My mantra when it comes to this kind of crap is - if you can't afford it then DON'T GO OUT!! Don't go out anyway and expect someone else to pick up the tab.

They should invite you for coffee at their house if they can't afford to to pay for it.

ChristinedePizan · 19/06/2011 21:21

oldraver - this really peeves me about couples and I find it happens a lot - not just rounds but cabs too. Three people share a cab, two are going to the same address and they split the fare between the single person (me) and them equally. Happens all the bloody time, really winds me up. Maybe that's where the expression 'my other half' comes from :o

complexnumber · 19/06/2011 21:21

What do you think blokes in a pub do when they meet up on a regular basis?

They shout "oi, tight arse, it's your round!"

Lesson to be learnt

firemansamantha · 19/06/2011 21:22

MrsKravitz - so if the first one was a gift because the man bought it, what did the one the girl bought you mean?

MumblingRagDoll · 19/06/2011 21:22

I had a friend who used to ask for "A triple" of the best gin if someone asked her what she wanted to drink..then she would neck it like juice...she wasn't n acoholic...just greedy and shamelss...we were all in our early twenties and not well off...she was amazing the way she had no shame.

MrsKravitz · 19/06/2011 21:24

I dont know. A friend who I lived with saying "Im going up to the bar, do you want a drink?" just didnt seem like an immediate pay back thing to me. It would have been saving me the trip to the bar and I would have paid her back later.Dont forget I am not British and rounds were a new thing to me.

everlong · 19/06/2011 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

everlong · 19/06/2011 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

firemansamantha · 19/06/2011 21:27

I think they did you a favour tbh MrsKravitz, crash course in the local culture! But yes, I would have pointed out I didn't know the culture, told them they'd made their point and told them to fuck off if they laboured the point.

Surely it was better to find out about the round culture as soon as you got here though, rather than being mortified a year down the line?

MrsKravitz · 19/06/2011 21:28

Well lets just put it this way. It was so nasty I never ever went in a round again.

MrsKravitz · 19/06/2011 21:29

Coffee thing is an eye opener though...mean buggers

firemansamantha · 19/06/2011 21:30

That's the best thing for you tbh mrskravitz - if you don't drink much then just pay for your own drinks and stay out of it.

I don't know where you're from, but I think I would find it weird going on a night out and not paying for anything though Confused Sorry they were nast though.

ajandjjmum · 19/06/2011 21:33

We had a friend like this. Years ago before we were married, he and DH used to meet up a couple of times a week (when I was working away) to have a drink, and get something to eat. The friend always arrived just as DH was at the bar ordering.

Any further drinks would be put on the food bill, and then he'd only ever have £10, so DH would be paying like £20 - and then the friend would pick up the change!

We've sort of lost contact. Grin

thegruffalosma · 19/06/2011 21:33

YANBU OP. If I was your friend after it had happened the first time I would collar you on the way in and tell you to sit down and ask what you wanted. Either that or I would have the money ready when you came to the table and insist you took it.

EricNorthmansMistress · 19/06/2011 21:37

You surely aren't expected to do rounds with coffees??? Shock it's not a pub. Just buy your own coffee in future.

unfitmother · 19/06/2011 21:39

YANBU, I hate tight arses who don't get a round - beer or coffee!

fearnelinen · 19/06/2011 21:46

OP I'm just like you...or at least I used to be until I noticed that those people who do this are ALWAYS secretly wealthy.

My sis has some school friends that married young. They never had any money, low paid jobs e.t.c. She has always been very affluent so didn't mind stumping up rounds, coffees, lunches, halving dinners when it was the 3 of them and even doing the same for holidays together.

They are now mortgage free in a £300k house at 37 years old. They were skint all the time because they were saving. Sis rents a (very impressive) flat.

complexnumber · 19/06/2011 21:47

"oldraver - this really peeves me about couples and I find it happens a lot - not just rounds but cabs too. Three people share a cab, two are going to the same address and they split the fare between the single person (me) and them equally. "

That's completely out of order

ChristinedePizan · 19/06/2011 21:59

Oh gosh I thought you were going to say I was being unreasonable, complexnumber! It has happened to me for years as I am generally single and generally end up sharing a cab with a couple. I got so irritated by it that I ended up getting the last tube home because I just felt like I was subbing their evening out