Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

can i ask how much your dp/ dh does at home?

163 replies

hugeleyoutnumbered · 18/06/2011 12:56

i mean in terms of getting up with the children, housework, and sharing the responsibilities of parenthood?

OP posts:
Whatevertheweather · 18/06/2011 19:26

Hardly anything Sad and we both work f/t and I'm 25 weeks pregnant with dc2

This thread has made me Envy. I've given up asking for help - is just easier to do it myself. Actually he does occasionally pick dd up from pre school as a 'favour' for me.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 18/06/2011 19:34

Everything. Grin as much as me, certainly. But we don't really have my jobs and his jobs. There is only Stuff That Needs To Be Done. Who does it depends on which of us happens to be around and who's in the mood to do it Grin

Oh, I tell a lie. He normally gets stuck with the washing up and the hoovering cos I hate those, and I normally do the ironing cos I can bugger off upstairs with it and have some time to myself.

Spuddybean · 18/06/2011 20:00

fuck all! He does not do anything. He earns a lot more than me and pays 2 thirds of the bills so he thinks i should do all the housework and his ironing and packing for all his business trips.
His 2 thirds are a fraction of his wages and he is left with loads to spend on himself (which he does). My 1 third totally wipes me out and i am left with nothing and he still expects me to pay 50/50 if we go out!

LongTimeposterMumofanASDds · 18/06/2011 20:08

Yes, I had one of those Spuddybean. I got rid.

MrsVictorUbogu · 18/06/2011 20:12

empties the bin.............

Stillchuckingit · 18/06/2011 20:13

With a few exceptions, this is a rather cheering thread all in all. Loads of good blokes out there.

Hope you manage to get your dh to do his share hugelyoutnumbered Maybe show him this thread?

Stillchuckingit · 18/06/2011 20:15

Spuddy Shock that is awful.

davidtennantsmistress · 18/06/2011 20:19

he gets up one day at the w.e & leaves me for a lay in (read that as getting up half hour after the kids/him)
if he's home all day the house will be nice & tidyish (hoovered/bed made) & a bubble bath running with dinner on.
He does the ironing without fail on a sunday night while i'm sitting on my butt settling DS.
walks the dogs/gardens/does all the 'man' jobs.
cooks dinner usually a sat night and a sunday roast he likes doin it, i'm not worried either way.

basically it works like tortoise. We like to be able to be sat down by 8pm latest so we can both chill for a couple of hours before bed - and the thing is with one not pulling their weight then the other is resentful/tired etc. I'm yet to get brought breakfast in bed however he will make it for me as soon as i'm up. (no biggie)

oh and i'd LOVE for him to learn that cleaning the kitchen also means the cooker tops but hey if that's all iv'e got to moan about we're not doing too badly. Oh and also it helps that he knows i'm in charge and calls me the boss lol. (in a joking way)

BabeRuthless · 18/06/2011 20:19

I do 30 hours a week crammed into 3 days while DP does 39 bare minimum with 1 in 3 Sundays as overtime as well as extra hours here & there.

He does his fair share. I work Tuesdays so he does everything that day. He's more of a clean freak than me so tends to that side of things. I'm in charge of all the paperwork & he does the handyman stuff, though its not unheard of for me to unblock a drain or two.

Only thing I wish he'd do more of is cook tea, as that's me for 6 nights out of 7. I also wish he'd pick up milk without me reminding him & not take money out of my purse as he can't be arsed going to the cash machine (we've got a joint account so it's an annoyance rather than anything sinister)

He's done everything with little man at one time or another & I got breakfast in bed on mothers day so can't complain!

Spuddybean · 18/06/2011 20:26

yes but if i don't do it it wont get done. i love him and he loves me but he is very selfish and when it comes to money he is totally oblivious to the fact i don't have any.
He just asked if i wanted to go to las vegas (he does this all the time - last week it was new zealand). He travels a lot with work and they pay for him. But he says knowing how broke i am so i said 'oh yes please i'd love to go' (thinking surely he means pay for me) so he says 'brilliant - all you need to do is pay your airfare'! I know he is asking because he wants me with him but i find it so insensitive.
I said i thought he meant pay for me as he knows how poor i am and he said indignantly 'no, why would i pay £600 for you to go away'. In his mind he already pays too much for me and thinks i should pay half of all the bills.

sorry to highjack.

Stillchuckingit · 18/06/2011 20:35

Spuddy again - as with housework - this is a mindset issue

It's shouldn't be about 'my two-thirds' and your 'one third' when you are a married couple. It's everything goes in one pot and is shared equally shared, surely??? Even more so if you have dc.

You need to talk to him - seriously. It's not on.

Go on strike and force him to pay for a cleaner. He'll soon learn the true value of the household chores that you do.

BsshBossh · 18/06/2011 20:36

DH and I both work fulltime but I work from home and do a 7 hour work day and DH works in an office and does a 12 hour work day. DD (3) in fulltime childcare.

It's pretty much a 50/50 split:
DH will put a load of laundry on first thing and I hang it out, he cooks twice a weeknight (even if he gets back at 8 or 9) because he loves cooking and he washes up every night too and he cooks all weekend meals, he bakes bread and cakes with DD every weekend, I hoover and dust, but he deep cleans bathroom and kitchen on weekends, he irons his own shirts, I tidy up every day, he drops off, I pick up and look after DD each evening (and put her to bed except for weekends when DH does), I get DD's bag ready each weeknight, he gardens and does DIY, I do household admin, if DD is ill he'll get up with me at night to help out without asking, when DD was young he did all the nightshift with me....

mummyosaurus · 18/06/2011 20:37

DH is very hands on with the kids, lots of playing with them, swimming, bike riding at weekends.

On a daily basis he empties the dish washer and clears the draining board in the morning before he leaves for work (at 6.30am for a 12 hour day).

Evenings he listens to home work reading, does Pjs and bed time, bath if it's bathnight. I am often out the door to gym or college as he comes in. He will have a quick tidy if I remind him.

He also does all the ironing once a week. Puts the bins and recyling out, empties indoor bins.

Other than that he will occasionally hoover or clean bathrooms, especially if we have visitors. He has done a big tidy and sort out today, as he was in the mood.

I occasionally have an explosion about being the only one who ever picks anything up in this house (DH been know to "step over" the kids mess) and he is getting better about tidying up as he goes.

I have 2 part time jobs, both working from home, 1 preschooler, 1 school kid plus part time care of my nephew.

I think we have a reasonably good balance.

Hope your DH gets a job soon and you find a balance with tasks around the house.

Just a thought - DH read a report saying that men who help around the house get more sex (woman feeling more like sex as she is not so fed up and disgruntled at doing all housework). He has been more keen to help out since...

shez87 · 18/06/2011 20:37

myn is pretty good if i ask him lol he don't tend to do much based on iinitiative but i do love him dearly. i think its going to be a bit like raising two kids when thisd little ones born :)

BsshBossh · 18/06/2011 20:38

By the way, his mother made sure her two sons learned to cook, clean, iron and do laundry from the age of 12. I love my MIL Grin.

Henrythehappyhelicopter · 18/06/2011 20:42

After 25 years I grew bored of being a slave and decided to leave.

DH didn't want me to go so miraculously changed his ways.

It is now 50/50 apart from cooking, I just cannot persuade him to cook.

It is thanks to MN that I woke up and realised I was being a doormat.

bibbitybobbityhat · 18/06/2011 20:42

My dh is self employed and works irregular hours. He probably does 50+ hours a week. But a lot of this is evenings/weekends.

When we are both at home (be it weekdays or weekends) if I ask him to do something, he will do it without complaint.

Its just that I need to ask him ... ykwim.

MissBetsyTrotwood · 18/06/2011 20:45

He does... whatever I ask him to. But nothing of his own accord.

Spuddybean · 18/06/2011 20:46

Stillchuckingit - we have spoken about it before - i also had the same with my exH. My DP doesn't think it's fair he earns so much and should share it with me. He says it's not his fault i earn a shit wage and why should he be 'punished'.
He has said he will pay more of the bills than me and maybe the odd holiday also when we have dc's he said he will give me an allowance.
My ex used to go shopping and show me what he'd bought while i was crying about not affording tampons!
I have found the generation under 30 feel that women are now equal so it's their own fault if they don't earn enough. Every woman i know keeps their money separate and pays half the bills even though the blokes earn often double their wage and they do most of the housework because the men don't care if it gets done or not.
My DP would be fine if i did nothing, he just wont do it himself. So do i want to live in squalor? not really!!

ColleenEatsVeg · 18/06/2011 20:46

DH does more than me, but I cook and deal with all the online food shopping/things we need to buy. I am helping out more for the first time... I have no domestic talents :)

Stillchuckingit · 18/06/2011 20:52

That's interesting Spuddy about the generational point I mean

Is that really how it works for most under-30s ??? (Genuine question - I am ancient) So much for improved equality!!

davidtennantsmistress · 18/06/2011 20:55

' Every woman i know keeps their money separate and pays half the bills even though the blokes earn often double their wage and they do most of the housework because the men don't care if it gets done or not.'

not all men are like this.

DP & I have agreed, even though he earns over double my wages (am only pt), I don't want all of his wages each month but likewise he doesn't think it's fair I pay 50/50 on everything as he has more cash, the split we've managed to comprimise on is approx 70/30 ish, but he will be paying nursery fees as they come due through his works vouchers things. we both have similar spends left for ourselves each month. we both help out the same in the house each month, although he's said when i'm on maternity leave he'll pay more to the household bills but likewise i'll do more house hold chores, when i'm back after the leave it will go back to how it is now. I'm all for paying my way & doing things down the middle, however am lucky that both of us recognize that all the splits need to be fair & equal.

soverylucky · 18/06/2011 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stillchuckingit · 18/06/2011 20:58

And how does this work when dc arrive on the scene?

(patronising "allowance" notwithstanding)

Personally (sorry to be so blunt) but I wouldn't want to have dcs with someone like that. The situation will only get worse.

Swipe left for the next trending thread