can i ask how much your dp/ dh does at home?

[hugeleyoutnumbered]

i mean in terms of getting up with the children, housework, and sharing the responsibilities of parenthood?

V little TBH as he works 12hour days, 5days a wk and sometimes evenings/wkends on call. I am a SAHM. He will help DC with breakfast in the am, whilst I get ready, and occasionally unload the dishwasher, but more normally leaves his dirty stuff on top! He tries to get home for story time/bedtime cuddle, but doesn't always manage. I nearly always cook.

I have shopping delivered or use village shops, but he'd never know whether we needed anything-the biggest pain in my life is menu planning!

He's a good father on the wkend, spending time with them, taking them out, reading etc and TBF I'd rather he and they have some pleasure together when he's here than fretting about cleaning. He does do the ironing on a Sunday evening whilst I drink wine and eat chocolate though this is a fairly recent thing as he overheard me explaining to the DC that it was a little disrespectful of mummy to expect her to do everything for them and that I'd appreciate a bit of help sometimes! He obviously realised that that meant him too :o

If he was here all the time, I'd expect a 50/50 split, with equal times off too.

thankyou debka it nice to know I am not the only one fed up of saying the same think over gain to a completely oblivious audience asking for help. when hes at work its ok that he does sweet FA doesn't do much.

He does at least as much as me. There's only so much to be done, as we don't have children yet and have a cleaner come once a week. But he's the one who arranged the cleaner, reminds me when we need to tidy up for her, remembers to leave the money for her etc. He notices when we're running out of cleaning stuff/washing powder/ loo roll etc and remembers to buy it when he does the shopping (from my point of view this stuff refills itself by magic :)) He does his own laundry (as do I) , he's responsible for most of the practical dog-related stuff like remembering routine vet appointments, buying food etc. So I expect he'll take on a similar role with child-related stuff if we have one!

We do about the same amount in the garden - i.e. not enough!

I do more proper cooking - we have an equal number of meals we're responsible for though, it's just that I'm more likely to cook from scratch while he'll buy ready-made soups or filled pastas, pizzas etc.

Nothing.

He We employ a cleaner, dog walker and ironing lady and used to pay for a housekeeper when the DC were younger. I hardly work (very small, non time consuming business from home). My DC are too old for me to call myself a SAHM. I am just a SAH. So I am not complaining There again, neither is he....somehow I seem to be busy at weekends whilst he has meals served etc but then I can have days like that during the week.

I am a sahm and dh works ft.
In the week he does very little but at the weekend he will do most things but I have to be specific about what needs to be done.
If I did'nt ask he would do nothing, took me 17 years to work that out !

When I was with ex H, he did nothing, never lifted a finger. His shifts were such that he started work at about 11.00 am, never once, not once did he get up and take his dc to school before that, he would lie in bed awake in the bedroom while I rushed around getting it sorted. My dd went through an awful stage where she constantly tantrummed at school, when we dropped ds off, could I leave her with him? could I fark! "I am going to work later, I need my sleep!" I didnt have a lie in for 7 years. He never once got up with them in the night either.

He truly believed that as he was bringing the money in he should do nothing at home. He was a lazy, selfish twunt quite frankly.

I think DP does at least his fair share. He cooks dinner once a week, cleans the dishes after I finish making dinner. helps me babysit the children when I need him to, like when I go for driving lessons, meet friends occasionally or when I go shopping, have to go for doctor/dentist/eye appointments, etc. When I used to study p/t he helped babysit when I attended classes. He buys pads on my behalf if I forget (!) He empties the bins and cleans the loo for me. Some days, he helps me bath the kids if I'm very busy. And he plays with the kids during the weekend loads.

I think you need to shift the psychology first. The way you talk it is like the (house) work is your responsibility and his role is merely to 'help'. You both need to get out of this mindset.

Stop doing stuff for him. He's not going to start picking up his share of the joint responsibliities until he is taking responsibliity for himself.

We both work full time, I work at home as well on top of this, no kids.
DP: All cooking, washing up, laundry, hoovering, general cleaning.
Me: Occasional deep cleans/throwing out sessions, household finance, large projects & holidays
I used to cook lots but DP is a closet masterchef and gets twitchy about relinquishing the kitchen. He also complains I 'use too many teaspoons' (...for that read 'every single utensil in kitchen') so I'm basically banned now.

I reckon stuff is fairly split considering I work part-time and DH full-time. We both get up at the same time each day as we all travel to work/school together. I'm not good in the mornings so DH does pretty much everything with the kids whilst I get myself ready and we all leave together. If the kids get up in the night and need us (ages 3 and 7 so not often) then whoever isn't pretending they're asleep hears them first gets up.

I do the majority of the cooking and DH does all washing up. I do all mine and DCs ironing but not DH's as he likes to iron daily and I do mine all in one go. I do all washing/bedding changes. I do the majority of hoovering/mopping/dusting but if DH is off he will run the hoover round. It would be me to deep clean/organise/get rid of stuff etc. I do with all finances/household budget as I'm the one who has time to go the bank and stuff. I deal with anything car related, he couldn't tell you when the service/mot is due etc. I get all birthday/christmas cards/presents for both sides of family otherwise the wouldn't get anything

It's taken a while to strike this compromise and for the most part it works reasonably well for us.

DH has been off work for a few weeks and has done the vast majority of housework and half childcare during that time.

I prefer him not to touch the washing but he will stick a load on if I ask. He's not great at tidying - sort of dumps things in the corner- so I prefer to do that too. He usually makes the bed and usually takes the bins out, but I'm happy to do those things too. I do more cooking, but he does cook when I'm working and is happy to do it on joint days off when I don't want to. He's crap at DIY and lacks motivation to get on with jobs, but I'm happy to nagmotivate. He will get up in the night now and do mornings but I tend to do it more as he needs more sleep than me and is a grumpy twunt without it.

This is a massive change btw. He used to do some housework and little childcare. He never used to get up in the night with DC or do the mornings. He was a crap partner and father for a while but has turned over a new leaf -touch wood. We nearly divorced over his behaviour.

we have 5 c. it takes both of us working in the house to keep it all going. never have discussed it really we both just kno it has to be done. I work part time and dh is full time so obviously i'm doing more housework. dh also does all of the outside stuff. i've never emptied bins or cut grass, cleared rains and spouts etc.

mine has done 50% since the day we got married

obviously when he worked and i stayed at home, I did all the daily chores, thats only fair, especially as he had a stressful job and a long commute too

now the kids are adults, we still do everything 50%.

DH works ft and crazy hours. I work pt good hours. I do everything: cook, cleaning, laundry, garden, shopping, errands, bring up our child. DH look after DS, including getting him up, bathing, changing, feeding, entertaining, getting up in night (very rarely has to though) but will need to be asked a lot of the time. He will usually do things if asked, though needs nagging and doesn't do things the way I would like them (a whole other story!). Also expects praise for everything. Basically like another child, but DS is only 15 months and can tidy up a bit!

cheers folks, when hes back ay work i won't mind but at the moment he thinks hes a a hotel list up lets see what happens

I did all the household stuff when i worked part time. DP was very keen for me to go back to work full time so I did and stopped cleaning, washing his clothes and ironing them.. Didn't do the shopping either... He was not pleased and it didn't get done. He now does his bit - but we have a cleaner....he thinks it's a waste of money- I don't!

We always both worked full time so things were fairly divided. I remember a period when he did 100% of the washing and I didn't even think about it and I did our tax returns. I did the girls' long hair and packed school bags. We shared cooking. We both had similar views and standards on cleaning (both tidy) so that worked fine. Then in due course we could afford to have someone at home to help too which made it easier. I don't understand women who accept sexist men.

50/50, maybe even 60/40 re: childcare, as he works from home and I work fairly long hours, so he does the school run and usually cooks dinner for the kids.

We share washing and cleaning etc pretty equally, although I do a bit more cooking and he does tend to do the '1950s husband' jobs, like cleaning the car and taking the bins out

well if some of you got off your arse and stopped goggling at your bloody computer having cyber coffee mornings you would find you probably didnt need any help from your DP or DH with your jobs around the house. this country didnt make it through two world wars with women sat gossiping all day. EVERYBODY had to muck in

Same as McPie, really.

Am on maternity leave, due back end of July when DS is 1. So at the mo I do the majority of childcare/housework, he takes over with feeding DS when he gets home at 5.15pm, then plays with him, does bath etc whilst I clear up and make our dinner. He also does loads of childcare at the weekend, gardening, bins, DIY and decorating, big supermarket shop.

When I go back to work p/t, the balance will shift a bit more in terms of domestic stuff, but the majority of childcare will be with me (which I'm fine with, as soon as DS hits the walking around stage DP will be rushed off his feet going to the park and running about!).

I do 100% of running the house, vehicle, finance and kids.
DH works away, so he is only home for a few days every 6 or 7 weeks.
When he worked locally, he shared housework, cooking, child care and running around stuff.
He was also great about taking the kids out for the weekend so that I can have time on my own, or with friends.

DP does more than I do as I'm working and studying and he's studying... he's fantastic

food shopping
cooking 80% +
bedtime 50% +
Washing
Ironing 50%
Walks and outings for ds 80% the rest done with me
Making things for ds - model airplanes etc 100% Nearly though I made the hamster bunting for his cage

i'm a guy, i claim that i do 50% but in truth it's probobly less, DP does all the laundry and is obsessivly clean in the house , i really wouldnt notice the dirt until it had pissed her off for days , i hoover when she activly get me to. i do all the shopping and the DIY, building is my profession so i'm handy in that way. DP hates changing nappies, so i usually get that job, and playing rough & tumble with the boys . she is much better and ingageing the boys with creative stuff, or just puzzels and games
we both work 4 days a week and we get 3 days child care this works very well, i'm up and away in the mornings early so she dropes them off and i pick them up i shower them both and feed the wee one, she comes home when i'm cooking for us and the older kid.

DP and I both work full time. No DC.

He does all of the laundry apart from putting my clothes away.
Takes the dry-cleaning each week.
Virtually all the washing up and cleaning the kitchen.
Over 50% of tidying up.
Shopping is shared, although I organise it.
Cooks a couple of evenings a week and breakfast/ brunch at the weekend.
Vacuuming much of the time, although I am usually the one to point out that it needs doing.
He likes gardening when it involves cutting stuff down or digging stuff up, but otherwise that is my domain.
We share DIY, but I tend to project plan.
Whoever notices the bins need doing does them.

I do most of the cooking and gardening, as I really enjoy both.
I plan the shopping, which makes sense as I know what has been used up with the cooking.
I clean the bathroom and occasionally dusting.