To ask DP to stop calling the cat names?

[DropRedFred]

The cat belongs to DD and she is very protective over it. DP keeps saying it is fat and calls it chubby chops etc. It is a little overweight but these names really upset DD and when I ask him not to do it he says I'm being ridiculous and the cat won't be crying itself to sleep over it. But I explained it upset DD and he said she needs to learn not to be so sensitive which I thought was a bit off.
The cat's name is Sookie and DP has a habit of calling it "sooks" for short. DD has asked everyone in the house not to do this as she likes the cat to be called by it's full name yet again DP insists on going against this and constantly calls it sooks.
I know it's only a cat but when it's upsetting DD and causing arguments AIBU to expect a grown adult to just call the cat by its real name and not make remarks about its weight all the time?

BooHoo what would you do if your self regulating boy started staying up till 12?

yes actually, i do have sole rights over what i get called. if my name is mispronounced i correct the person. if they do it delibereatley after i have corrected tehm then i know they are being PA and immature.

Wow! This thread seems to have spiralled into a strange slanging match. FWIW I think if the only issue is about the cat's name beng shortened and it being teased about it's weight then YABU and your daughter being a little precious.

Actually, I think this thread is turning into a everyone-should-have-a-40-inch-inside-leg-because-that's-what-I-have thread.

All families are different, especially unhappy ones, as a Russian author once didn't quite say.

he has done that mrspoc and i get him up for school and tolerate the grumpyness until i get him to school. anytime this has happened he has usually taken himself to bed straight after dinner. he couldn't last til midnight two days in a row. he knows this. when he's tired he goes to bed.

having no "proper bedtime" isn't even the same as self-regulating IMO

My kids don't have a proper bedtime. they never have. we start getting them ready for bed when they're getting tired. this is normally around 6.30/7pm, but can be anything up to 8.30pm

this works for us, it causes them no problems, we don't allow them to stay up as late as they want, but they certainly don't have a set-in-stone-proper-bedtime

I agree with one thing though, there is not enough information from the OP to really be making any judgements on whether her daughter was allowed too much freedom of choice, or whether the partner is being a bully.
but as with anything on here you have to read and reply as you find it don't you.... hence the differing opinions

Why does DP carry on being nasty to DD's cat? I just don't get where he gets pleasure from in doing that as clearly neither OP nor DD are finding it amusing or clever, and there is no other benefit from it. If he gets no particular pleasure from it, then why is he doing it when he knows it causes distress to a young girl for whom he has now taken on responsibility? Any talk of "toughening up" children is sickening and the thin end of a nasty wedge.

Also, of course the CAT won't get anorexia but using "fat" as an insult does not set a good example and does make it more likely that DD will have weight issues in the future. 13 is a very vulnerable age and this child has put up with big changes. It sounds as if DP is exerting dominance (in a not nice way) by continuing to treat DD's pet in a way that upsets her.

Ask him nicely to stop, explaining that it might not be a big issue for him, but it matters to DD. If he carries on, then reconsider what kind of father he is being and whether that is the kind of father you want for your DD. If not, then take the matter further with a proper chat with him about parenting.

There seems to be a great deal of over-reaction on here with people bandying about phrases like "bullying", "causing a child distress"

The way I read it the DP may have just been attempting a bit of jokey, harmless banter, the sort of thing that happens in most families all the time. He is probably a bit exasperated now at the massive deal the girl is making of it and probably struggling to understand why she gets so uptght about it.

After all his son may be a) younger (we don't actually know that for sure do we) and b) a bit more balanced less "sensitive" so the DP could have no experience at dealing with this sort of teenage girl acting out.

My mum has a cat called Eddie. When it was little we called it Eddie spaghetti. Not it's not very little so we call it Eddie cannelloni. I do think YABU. DD needs to toughen up a bit!

lol at all the amateur psychologists on here

has anyone suggested a book title yet or that OH is being abusive/controlling/bullying

havent read all the thread but i would bet my bottom dollar ........

Absolutely Judy'sJudgement. Your helpful comments that you haven't read the thread but are still laughing at the responses will be much more helpful to the OP .

So NO-ONE took notice of the fact that the dd does exactly the same to the DSS hamster?

secretnutella
exactly it appears OP and DD tease hamster then when reverse happens its a big problem, also how does DS feel he's had to change move to a new house perhaps new school who knows while DD has stayed put,

as i see it slightly overweight cat gets called fat, true but perhaps not tactful , teasing over shortened names seems mutual,
Dd has more routine than before probably a good thing
DS has been stopped playing games way above his age range probably a good thing, OP and DP have decided to move in together DS and DD now have to try and get along, they probably don't but then even if he was her brother they might not
practically every 13 yr old girl is over sensitive I was and still am a bit, if this is a big issue i would think they are doing quite well as a step family DD and DP should talk and she should explain why exactly it bothers her so very much....... if it really does even though she is BU he should ease up but explain that it is just teasing and there is no deep wounding meant maybe much harder to stop DS teasing though it s just like being called elizabeth then people start calling you lizzie unfortunately the more you remind them that it's elizabeth the more lizzie or liz sticks yes its mean yes its a wind up but mostly if you dont get upset and ignore it he teasing part stops though you may never get them to call you lizzie ( my sister had this she is not elizabeth but a name that nearly always gets shortened she just had to accept it at school etc my parents call her full name but no-one else now she even signs off as shortened version)

I don't think DP is bad just because he moved into OP's house he should not have to feel like you are the new boy here DD has more say than DP and DS

sorry re lack of punctuation and typos my fingers can't type fast enough

5foot5 if harmless banter is upsetting someone, normal people realise and stop. In fact, by definition, it is not harmless banter in that scenario: even if it may originally be intended as such, continuing in the knowledge people are getting upset is deliberately nasty, or at the very least insensitive and thoughtless.

I call our elder cat "wuss-pus" as he sulks a lot, and runs back into the house at the sign of another cat.

We have 2 4 month old kittens. One has a huge appetite and we call her "fat bum", the other one is often known as "little bastard" (Often prefixed with "Ouch you little") as he enjoys the sport of surprise human leg climbing.

If any of the dc got upset I would be telling them to be less sensitive, but they don't as they realise it's harmless banter.

Our cats are mostly called "bastard" as well...

DropRedFred I don't know if you're going to see this a month later but I really wanted to add my 'two cents', so to speak. I see its been said in so many words before but I cannot emphasise enough how very hurtful and damaging, both to your daughter, her relationship with you and future men in her life, this sort of behaviour is if allowed to continue.

It is her cat, her responsibility and her new step father is mocking it. Whilst it can be argued that it is 'only a cat' and she is being too sensitive, in context she is reacting to a grown man, a new person who is now competing for your attention at a very sensitive stage in her life, directing negativity towards her.

It is a very confusing issue as there is a fine line between 'family banter' as one poster suggested and subtle bullying and put downs. The point is the motivation behind it. The fact that your DD has made derogatory comments about DSS's hamster has most likely annoyed DP however instead of dealing with it in an adult manner has 'taken sides' with his son, attacking the cat.

I thought very carefully before answering this question but I have observed this sort of thing all too often and I don't think people take it seriously enough or quite understand what is going on.

So to answer your question, no YANBU and it needs to stop.