To ask DP to stop calling the cat names?

[DropRedFred]

The cat belongs to DD and she is very protective over it. DP keeps saying it is fat and calls it chubby chops etc. It is a little overweight but these names really upset DD and when I ask him not to do it he says I'm being ridiculous and the cat won't be crying itself to sleep over it. But I explained it upset DD and he said she needs to learn not to be so sensitive which I thought was a bit off.
The cat's name is Sookie and DP has a habit of calling it "sooks" for short. DD has asked everyone in the house not to do this as she likes the cat to be called by it's full name yet again DP insists on going against this and constantly calls it sooks.
I know it's only a cat but when it's upsetting DD and causing arguments AIBU to expect a grown adult to just call the cat by its real name and not make remarks about its weight all the time?

Whoa doesn't sound like the DP is Mr Perfect either. OP said he had been letting his DS play 18-rated console games or some such and they've also renegotiated that as well. (We still don't know how old the DS is, incidentally).

"It's not just that, its like she used to ask me to make her bacon sandwiches and stuff for supper or to take her a drink upstairs etc and DP and I had a chat and we both agreed that she shouldn't be ordering me around like this and DSS isn't allowed either"

That isn't ordering around though? I often make my DC snacks and drinks. And to be fair they do the same for me and their siblings too.

BooyHoo - I stand by what i said. We dont have enough info. What i would like to know is How he treats her on a day to day bases. Is he mean or does he try hard with her and does he get on with her?

mrspoc, how come you seem to have enough info to judge that the mother was next to useless before this savoiur of a man arrived and showed her teh error of her ways?

OP, it sounds to me like your partner is being an immature arsehole who's found something that winds her up, and is doing it for the sake of it. I'd expect better from a nine-year-old, to be honest.

Sure, she could try being "less sensitive", but this is her home, so she shouldn't have to be. Her home should not, under any circumstances, feel like a school playground, and her step-father should not be acting like a prat at school constantly trying to needle her.

BooyHoo - because the op has told us this info. Op has neglected to tell us how he acts with daughter. The info we have now are:

He calls cat fat and sook instead of full name
Daughter does not like it and wants everyone to respect cats full name that is given
She had no routine until he arrived
Now she has a set bed time, rules around the house
His son cannot now play 18 plus games (Still dont know how old he is)
She asked daughter is she likes him and she does

And from this little info everyone has decided its not about the cat but about him being a bully and using this as a chance the show her who is boss?

I think that you cannot come to this conclusion until we know what there relationship is like. If he is mean to her all the time then i would agree. If he is engaging and gets on then she needs to grow up.

Still Op has failed to come back so I still think this is a FRIDAY WIND UP

i'd say the fellas doing a bang up job tbh and OPs daughter needs to come out and say if somethings bothering her.

Er, but she is saying... and he's ignoring her!

Also Op said she calls the Op's boyfriends, Son's Hamster names.

from OP

"DD has told me she likes DP but she doesn't like how everything has changed like she has a proper bedtime now instead of staying up until whenever she wanted (we had to do this really because his DS had a proper bedtime and we needed to keep it fair) and she's not allowed to eat things from the kitchen whenever she wants either as his DS has always had to ask first. She's just adjusting to new rules and things I think and the cat is probably just one thing she'd like to maintain control over"

she does not say anywhere that her DD had no routine. she says she didn't have a proper bedtime. taht is very different to having no routine. and she has to ask permission to eat!! OP says herself she thinks teh DD is trying to maintain control using teh cat.

The new step brother is younger than 13. We know that.

Also, whatever boundaries were in place before DP and DSS moved in were set by the OP, as the mother and the adult. Why, therefore, leap to judge the OP's DD for them? She was the CHILD in this scenario.

And, further, why assume those boundaries were faulty in some way, and needed fixing by OP's new DP? They apparently worked while OP and her DD were on their own. Now some of them need renegotiating to work in different circumstances. That seems natural and hardly surprising. But it is strange and disturbing how eager some posters are to ridicule a young girl who is trying to cope with a changing home situation.

OP also says her dd said she doesn't liek how everything has changed. a few rules are one thing, but to say everything has chnaged is a bit mroe than that.

MrSpoc

If my mum or dad asked me if they liked their new DP I'd say yes to avoid hurting their feelings. That wouldn't mean I thought new DP was an angel of light.

AFAICS, the new DP has moved in and set a bunch of pretty draconian rules for a 13yo - I think his DS is probably younger by the sounds of it and he doesn't really know how to treat a teen. I think DD sounds like she has coped pretty well, considering - lots of teens would have massive strops about not being able to eat when they wanted etc - and all she is saying is, 'Please don't tease my pet.' Not the biggest deal, shurely?

only read OP, but you are being daft OP and daughter sounds like she is a madam :)

I dont think a bed time is draconian or that not helping yourself to the food. In fact thses werev standard when I grew up.

I also know thamy my sisters had no qualms about telling my mum they hated my step dad and yet he was very nice (a push over) because they could wrap my mum around her finger.

Seriously? When you were a teenager, like, 14, 15, if you were hungry, you couldn't go to the kitchen and get an apple or a piece of toast? Wow.

My parents were very strict by most of my friends' standards, but that's pretty incredible! (Sorry, no offence intended, just find it really stifling to be told you must ask someone else before you fulfil a basic need - it's pretty much like going to the toilet or to sleep....)

Zukie so its ok for you to shorten it but no one else? do you not think that is weird.

I shorten things all the time. its natural to me and i suppose to 50% of people. there is no harm intended just natural. If you said to me to stop I would say stop being silly.

having a bedtime isn't draconian, nor is it necessary if teh DD has been self regulating all her life and is capable of deciding to sleep when she is tired.

i am interested in knowing how you came to teh conclusion that teh DD had no routine at all though MRspoc? and you seem to be making out that this man has 'fixed' all teh mother's mistakes in her method of parenting.

"If you said to me to stop I would say stop being silly."

why should you get to call someone something tehy dont want to be called? it isn't your name to adjust and if tehy tell you they dont liek it then you shoudl respect that. your feelings about someone else's name are irrelevant. theirs aren't. tehy get they final say in what they shoudl be called and are not being silly in asking you to call them by their preferred choice. you would be being silly to insist on changing tehir name to something you prefer.

I have not said that so stop trying to twist words.

Op has indicated there was no routine (i know for a fact that if a 12/13 year old was to self regulate then they would fall asleep when tired but late in the evening 11 / 12 and will struggle to get up in the morning, still tired at school etc)

Also she said she introduced a routine because her partner did it for his son.

This is a little different to what you wrote dont you think?

Er, well, I'm a cat-lover but I have never really thought this thread was about cats or their names and weights.

However.

You also do not have the sole rights to tell everyone how it should be told. My name gets miss pronounced all the time. So what. If you called me something offensive then that is different.

"Op has indicated there was no routine (i know for a fact that if a 12/13 year old was to self regulate then they would fall asleep when tired but late in the evening 11 / 12 and will struggle to get up in the morning, still tired at school etc)"

no she didn't. i C&P'd her actual post for you. it said she had no proper bedtime. that is not teh same as having no routine.

and actually if a child has been self regualting all their lives then they get very good at knowing tehri own limits. it is only if you suddenly remove the enforced rule at 12/13 that they will stay up as late as possible because it is now 'allowed' and tehy dont listen to tehir own bodies telling them to sleep.
my son is 5 and tells me when he is ready for bed, this is usually between 7 and 8pm.

"If you said to me to stop I would say stop being silly."

This is an odd statement to make and suggests you think your preferences always take priority.

Sigh.

I wish the OP would come back but perhaps this thread has now officially jumped the shark.