To ask DP to stop calling the cat names?

[DropRedFred]

The cat belongs to DD and she is very protective over it. DP keeps saying it is fat and calls it chubby chops etc. It is a little overweight but these names really upset DD and when I ask him not to do it he says I'm being ridiculous and the cat won't be crying itself to sleep over it. But I explained it upset DD and he said she needs to learn not to be so sensitive which I thought was a bit off.
The cat's name is Sookie and DP has a habit of calling it "sooks" for short. DD has asked everyone in the house not to do this as she likes the cat to be called by it's full name yet again DP insists on going against this and constantly calls it sooks.
I know it's only a cat but when it's upsetting DD and causing arguments AIBU to expect a grown adult to just call the cat by its real name and not make remarks about its weight all the time?

so your dp is not her dad?
makes a bit more sense that she's upset now. Quite a salient fact, that one, I'd have thought...

Ah. So you, your DD and your DP and his DS have recently all moved in together? And your DD is still adjusting?

This context is very important to understanding why she's upset.

Your DP may be adjusting too, but he has to be the adult here, back off, and stop doing this childish little thing to annoy your DD.

unless the cat issue is a smokescreen, and DP is generally trying to be unpleasant to your DD, then sorry but i think it's a bit over sensitive to tell people what they can and can't call the cat.

yep I think this is more about her relationship with your Dp and his son - it wasn't really clear from your OP.

hmm i can se it from both sides

she IS beiong oversensitive and a bit silly. it's just a cat and it really doesn't matter what it's called. I also think that you can't just go around demanding that people do things a certain way and then crying when they don't

on the other hand, i also agree that if you know something is really upsetting someone then you don't carry on doing it.

i realise this is totally unhelpful! it def sounds like it could be something else underlying that's making her this upset over what is quite a minor thing tho... perhaps a family meeting is in order to arrange some house rules and a talk about courtesy?

Well they moved in about a year ago. DD has told me she likes DP but she doesn't like how everything has changed like she has a proper bedtime now instead of staying up until whenever she wanted (we had to do this really because his DS had a proper bedtime and we needed to keep it fair) and she's not allowed to eat things from the kitchen whenever she wants either as his DS has always had to ask first. She's just adjusting to new rules and things I think and the cat is probably just one thing she'd like to maintain control over

If you thought your DP and his DS moving in was relevant to the situation, I would have thought you'd have put that in the OP.

If my 10 YO DD started getting funny about me calling our cat a ridiculous name I'd tell her not to be so silly because cats can't understand the spoken word to that extent.

If she was getting overly upset, then of course I'd look for other reasons, but as you didn't mention any other reasons, that's why you're getting replies saying she's being silly.

Drip feed important info and you're going to get different relies.

From that latest post, it sounds like she feels that DP and his DS are ganging up on her in her own home. Which would be a pretty hard thing to cope with when you're used to having yoru mum to yourself! The DS especially needs to know this is unacceptable, and DP needs to be supporting you on this. United front, consistency, yadda yadda yadda...

Well now that MN is clear that DP is a step-parent I'm sure there will be afar more sympathy for your DD and much less for him... While there is an issue about him being the grown up and understanding that this is a difficult time for your DD it does not alter the fact that she is being over sensitive at least in part. I am sure maryz is right and there is a deeper conversation to be had with DD over her feelings to your DP.

I was thinking initially reading your OP that you were not being unreasonable. I think name calling (even a cat) on the basis of weight is not appropriate in front of a young girl. However I think she needs to be a bit more mature (even at 13) over the "sooks" name - it is probably just how he thinks of the cat.

ooh are you making a rod for your own back, my stepdaughter has had it all her own way all her life and now at twenty the slightest thing sets her off not talking to anyone and sulking for a week, sorry but at 13 she is way old enough to get a bit of teasing about the cats name and Dh is probably doing it because she reacts tell her to stop reacting and he will get bored with it , i have six cats and thier names and nicknames are, whiskey- whisks, jasper -jap japs, jojo- little face, biscuit - biccie boos, blue- blue boos and treacle - treaks and non of my cats are bovvered they just get on with doing what cats do

It comes across that maybe your DP is using this name-calling to put your DD "in her place," and demonstrate that since he's bigger he doesn't have to respect her feelings.

Well, this is a recipe for disaster. Also, to all the people saying the DD needs to "toughen up" -- FGS, don't we have enough "tough" people showing how bloody "tough" they are all the time as it is? There is no need to crap on her because she's showing some distress during a huge upheaval in her home life.

OK, I can see that having your DP and his son move in might be a difficult thing for her to get used to - if you'd framed the problem that way in your OP then you might have got a better response!

The cat's name thing really is a total non-issue though, I don't understand why you chose to focus on that and only drip-fed the other stuff as an afterthought...

ah right, i see now. i think your DD is trying to hold onto a bit of control in her life. things have changed recently, two new people are permanenetly in her home, and not two people she chose, but two people that you chose. she probably feels like she isn't getting much of a say and TBH it sounds liek your DP is being intentionally antagontistic towards her. (knob) i think you need to have a serious chat with him but also she needs to be heard. she is trying to tell you something, she isn't happy and this isn't about the cat.

how old is his DS?

have lots of other rules been changed just because that's how it works for his DS? if so i can understand her wanting some more control.

i think at 13 she ought to be able to eat stuff from the kitchen if she is hungry. if his DS is much younger then he can't... you don't have to always treat children exactly the same.

def time to all sit down and talk i reckon.

What BooyHoo said.

that makes more sense then - you can see why she'd want to maintain a bit of control if she's now got a load of 'new rules', especially on ones that feature so majorly in kids' lives as bedtime and food... i am nonplussed by the 'having to ask for food rule' though it seems to be a common one on MN - surely 13 is old enough to be getting your own slice of toast if you fancy it? is dp's ds the same age or younger?

You DP just sound like he's got a bit of banter going with the cat, perhaps in a weird way to get closer to your DD?

She's taking it too far IMO, and I hardly think someone's going to develop an eating disorder purely because her mums DP called her cat fat!

x posted with yesterday

It's not just that, its like she used to ask me to make her bacon sandwiches and stuff for supper or to take her a drink upstairs etc and DP and I had a chat and we both agreed that she shouldn't be ordering me around like this and DSS isn't allowed either. However on the other side I told him I didn't agree with his DS being able to play on 18 games and so that has changed too so they've both had to put up with it and also to be fair she does call DSS's hamster alternative names which strengthens their argument about the cat I suppose. I just feel like it's all starting to implode, nobody is getting on and nobody is willing to compromise.

in that case OP then i agree with Maryz. i afamily meting where you all discuss this and put forward 2 requests.

YABU. The cat won't mind - as DD prob knows. Even as a cat obsessive, I'd say yr DD is being a tad precious.