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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's weird to put a baby in nursery while still on maternity leave?

67 replies

ObiWanKenobi · 17/06/2011 10:06

met a lady who is still on maternity leave (baby 7 months) who has put baby in a nursery while she's on maternity leave still as she thinks it's nice for her to have some time to herself. I thought the whole point of maternity leave was to spend time with your baby. Especially bought it weird as the lady had come to a baby group without her baby!

OP posts:

LuckyMrsT · 17/06/2011 10:10

LOL. I would LOVE to do that! Just a couple of mornings a week... But yes it is a bit weird and turning up to a baby group minus your baby is very odd.

faverolles · 17/06/2011 10:10

The baby is 7 months not 7 weeks.
Maybe she's started so that when she returns to work she is confident that the baby is happy and settled? One less thing to worry about.
But even if she does want a bit of time to herself, is that so wrong?

spookshowangel · 17/06/2011 10:10

odd, also think its odd that woman that are sahm put little babies in nurserys. whole point of being a sahm is to be a sahm isnt it. but hey what do we know.

DialsMavis · 17/06/2011 10:10

Yabu, although my judgy pants may slip on if it was full time. How often is it incidently? I would love a day a week to do all the paper work, deep clean the house, go to the supermarket and for luxeries like clothes shopping and haircuts. The going to a baby group is a little strange though, I avoid other children like the plague when I have managed to palm mine off to someone for a few hours

faverolles · 17/06/2011 10:11

I wouldn't turn up to a baby group without a baby though. I'd be at home sleeping or eating cake :)

DialsMavis · 17/06/2011 10:11

*maybe I could slip some spellign lessons in too!

DialsMavis · 17/06/2011 10:11

agggggghhhh spelling

LadyThumb · 17/06/2011 10:12

Like I was told when struggling with my son - If the person rowing the boat drops the paddles then everyone is in the shit! I was a SAHM with one child - I needed a break because I knew something was wrong but no-one would listen. My child was diagnosed with Autism.

My 2 mornings a week were the only time I could do housework, shopping and have a shower!

Or maybe she just wants 'me' time - babies DO tend to take over absolutely everything, you know, and some people feel overwhelmed.

neepsntatties · 17/06/2011 10:13

Maybe it is keeping her sane. The baby group thing is a bit weird though.

RitaMorgan · 17/06/2011 10:13

Depends how often/for how long it is.

My 10 month old is at nursery at the moment and I am at home lounging around

JarethTheGoblinKing · 17/06/2011 10:14

I don't think it's weird.. if I could afford it I would have sent DS to nursery from 7-8 months for just a short time each week just to get him settled in a bit better. As it was I had to go back to work when he was 10 months right at the height of separation anxiety and it took him forever to settle with them.

Think it's a bloody good idea, tbh.

Going to the baby group is just bizarre though..why would you go to those hellish meetings when you don't have to

Laquitar · 17/06/2011 10:19

Maybe it is a 'trial' before she goes full time?

She probably came to the group for the company. Personally i would stay in bed.

lurkerspeaks · 17/06/2011 10:20

Don't think it is strange at all. It is tough being at home with a small child and maybe for her own sanity she just needs a break. (But in a very unMN way and in response to another thread WTF do I actually know as I don't have any biological children).

She is probably also thinking about getting back to work and that is much easier if you know your baby is settled at nursery.

I have SAHM friends who use nursery. Prior to nursery they were going stir crazy and family life was very tough for all concerned. 2 mornings a week to themselves and life is rosy again.

Horses for courses.

PeppaKew · 17/06/2011 10:21

I think it's acceptable but only just. Mums do need a break to keep in check and if her DP isnt able to help out much or she has no family nearby then nursery could be her only option. She is probably at the group as she desperately wants to make friends. I do feel for her somewhat if this is her situation.

I look back at my before children lifestyle and I can't believe how lazy and self indulgent I was. It's hard to give up all your me time (and your money!).

Lambzig · 17/06/2011 10:21

I had to accept a one day a week place for my dd at nursery when she was seven months old to get myself on the internal waiting list for the nursery in the hope of having three days when I wanted to go back to work at 12 months. Still only have two days in the nursery now and she is 16 months (nursery places are crazy around here).

Must admit she had quite short days there as I wanted to be with her mainly, but it was also nice to have the time to go to the gym or have a long uniterrupted shower. Maybe its something like that

snoozin · 17/06/2011 10:22

If the baby group is at a Sure Start, she might have been 'settling' in her baby at their day nursery or there to speak to a health visitor, and just popped in to the group for a bit of a chinwag.

Having extra time to yourself on mat leave would have been brill, but too expensive for us.

LoonyRationalist · 17/06/2011 10:22

YABU & ridiculous (I wouldn't turn up at baby group without a baby but perhaps some of the other mothers are her friends & she wanted to catch up?)

Hands up all those who work 7 days a week 14 hours a day & are on call the other 10hrs. Noone??!?

Then I guess a SAHM/Mum on maternity leave might possibly have a use for some childcare

I didn't use a nursery because I couldn't afford it but I did use the gym creche for my two, 3 times a week 2 hrs at a time & if there had been readily available short term (ie 2-3 hrs) child care for the other 2 days I would have used that too.

My 2 dd's are 2.3 & 4.9. They are both at pre-school this morning and yes a little time with no demands on me is incredibly valuable.

Allinabinbag · 17/06/2011 10:24

Not at all unreasonable to have the baby in a nursery, may be practicing for return to work or just wanting a break for a few hours. Highly strange to then go to baby group minus a baby!!!

Laquitar · 17/06/2011 10:25

Also if her job is very demanding/competitive she worries about being called by the Nursery to collect unsettled baby. Not good thing on your first week back to work especially if you work in a competitive job.

JanMorrow · 17/06/2011 10:25

YABU, it's up to her!

The odd morning here and there without a baby would be really useful.. to go shopping or do cleaning or even meet a friend. I'm fortunate enough to be able to do this but my MIL or Mum or sister or someone looks after her (saving money on nursery as I'll spend enough on childcare when I go back to work!).. but that's not so different to the odd morning in nursery surely?

mousymouse · 17/06/2011 10:26

I know several ladies who took their babies to nursery a coulpe of months before the maternity leave ended to help with the settling in. I sometimes whish I had done that.

RitaMorgan · 17/06/2011 10:26

snoozin - very true. My ds is in a children's centre nursery and when he was doing his settling in sessions I went to the baby group while I waited.

Ephiny · 17/06/2011 10:27

I don't see a problem with the nursery thing - if she can afford it then why not? It's no bad thing for the child to get used to the nursery environment if they're going to have to be there full-time when the mother goes back to work. I'm sure she does 'spend time with her baby' .

Going to a baby group without a baby does seem a bit odd, I agree! I guess you can get a bit isolated and lonely on mat leave and it's nice to have some company though?

ReshapeWhileDamp · 17/06/2011 10:28

I think it's a good idea if she's trying to get him settled at nursery before she has to put him in, and perhaps she also needs some time to work - is she self-employed? Not all mothers on maternity leave have the luxury to take it all as leave. And as for the baby group - I agree, it feels odd on the surface but perhaps she's made good mum friends there and just wanted to drop in, not miss out on the meet-up?

I remember feeling really odd the first time I dropped in on an antenatal mate sans baby (he was with his granny, hooray). Her DD was there and my DS was not.

It was bloody marvellous!

doozle · 17/06/2011 10:29

YABU and quite judgy. Why shouldn't she have a bit of time to herself?

It's good to get them used to another environment before separation anxiety kicks in at 9 months-ish.

But yes I wouldn't go to the baby group during the free time.

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