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AIBU?

To be annoyed by my sisters talk of sorting out my sons behaviour?

240 replies

twinklingfairy · 14/06/2011 13:21

I have a 2.5 yr old son who is a wee monkey who is in a habit of saying no, then stepping forward to do what he just said he wouldn't.
When he is on the loo or wants to be naughty he says 'you go find granny/sister or daddy'

Sis tries to assert her authority over my children everytime she sees them, has done the same with DB girls too. To the point of ruining the enjoyment of dinner for them but being either unaware or unconcerned.

On Sunday she decided that my DS ought to tidy up the CDs that he scatters around Granny's music room everytime we go there to play (we normally tidy up when we leave)
She decided to tell him to do it just because she wanted him to. To which he replied No.
So she told him again, same response, so she tried threatening tones, he told her no, go find granny.
She then gives up realising that it was a pointless battle of wills she was only going to lose and anyway, was it that important? Not really.

So she comes through to me, with her smile, to tell me about what he had done (refusing to do as he was told) and that he had been cheeky to her.
She said that she would have had him on the naughty step for that and that his cheekiness would just not be accepted in her house.
I then end up in an hour long discussion with her over discipline styles during which she tells me she would have a stronger hand, that I have always been soft on my boy (much harder on my older girl), that if she had him for a week she would have him sorted out and that he will get bad reports in school for his cheek.
I said I preferred to think of his cheeky nature as a developing personality that I believe will be pleasant not rude.
And that, when she has children, she will not be saying what she is now and that if she does try to have a firmer hand, her children will be frightened to move for fear of a row. No one could keep up the level of intensity that she intends to have.

My boy will do as he is told (for the most part), he is not rude to strangers and if he is, come on he is 2!
If he doesn't you can normally do the 1, do that, 2 do that 3.... and he will do that for fear of the naughty step which I use regularly. As regularly as I feel in necessary.
Yes I probably am softer on him, but he is a different boy who would scream for hours if he felt inclined. There is only so far you can push it before he ends up spending all day on the step. So I pick my fights.

Arg, see, I am defending myself already!

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BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 14/06/2011 13:51

But it's irrelevant if they are cheap ones or not......if he goes to someone elses house they might have expensive ones and to him they are all the same so he needs to know that he cant do that!

Saying no though is pretty normal for a 2 year old, he will grow out of that (hopefully)

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wannaBe · 14/06/2011 13:51

you say "If you say that again you will go to the naughty step/room. I said you do not talk to mummy like that." and then you follow through.

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ooohyouareawfulbutilikeyou · 14/06/2011 13:52

I said I preferred to think of his cheeky nature as a developing personality that I believe will be pleasant not rude.

lol, oh you are one of those parents

your son will soon become one of the kids everyone else avoids :)

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MorticiaAddams · 14/06/2011 13:52

I have no idea why you are asking this as you clearly don't want to told you are wrong and believe the sun shines out of your son's backside. You sound like such a flakey, indulgent parent and I know from the tone of your post that I would be avoiding you and your "monkey" like the plague.

Unfortunately other people do no see your son through a mother's eyes so be prepared for lots of looks from other parents.

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twinklingfairy · 14/06/2011 13:52

omg, my children are not brats, everyone we come into contact with in RL says how well behaved they are.
DS goes to childcare one morning a week and they tell me what a good boy he is.

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Ishani · 14/06/2011 13:53

My 1 year old scatters CD's by two years old he needs to not be doing it in the first place but if he does be picking them up. You will live to regret it if you don't clamp down now and what message does it send to your daughter ?

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jasminetom · 14/06/2011 13:54

I say that to people about their children all the time, it is one of those things you say, I don't really mean it. Some are, some are a pain in the arse. You still say they are clever and cute.

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BitOfFun · 14/06/2011 13:56

Do people really act this helpless in the face of two year olds? You do know that you are actually supposed to give him some boundaries, yes?

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Icelollycraving · 14/06/2011 13:57

She shouldn't discipline your child. She shouldn't have to. God I hope I don't end up so blinded by my characterfull little darling that I don't see when he is rude or obnoxious. Nothing worse than people thinking the behaviour of their dc is just developing a personality & that you have to pick your times to have him on the naughty step,is that not telling you anything?!

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LadyWithNoManors · 14/06/2011 13:57

Hmm
If my DC were round at someone's house NO they wouldn't be able to make a mess and throw CD's around. You need to give your son some boundaries. He's not a baby, he will understand right and wrong.

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superjobeespecs · 14/06/2011 13:57

my sister and BIL have let my 4 yr old nephew away with things as he is a 'cheeky monkey' and it was sooooo cute.. but.. the older he gets the more they regret it!! ive always made sure my DD is respectful with everyone and their things and ppl may say im overly strict or that kids are scared of mums like me.. their not i can aassure you!! my DD knows when she has been out of order within seconds and usually instead of a long drawn out battle of the wits that my sister gets including loud no's from my nephew and kicking and screaming my DD will usually apologise for what she's done and fix whatever mess she's made. im not saying this is ideal for everyone or that my DD is a saint she surely isnt but having a firm hand from toddlerdom makes the older yrs easier to deal with IMHO.

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twinklingfairy · 14/06/2011 13:57

Those are his CDs they are in a separate room and he does know the difference.
I have plenty discipline in this house.
My child is no worse than any other.
I am not blind to his faults and have said as much to people who assure me that he is not awful.

I know a mother of the type you accuse me of being and mine are angels in comparison.

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LDNmummy · 14/06/2011 13:58

He sounds spoiled and naughty IMO. I wouldn't allow my child to do that as I feel it would create a lack of respect for other people's and even his own property.

Sorry OP but YABU, I understand your sisters frustration.

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ooohyouareawfulbutilikeyou · 14/06/2011 13:58

omg, my children are not brats,

ok fine then. but dont whinny when you start getting left out of invitations :)

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ooohyouareawfulbutilikeyou · 14/06/2011 13:59

I know a mother of the type you accuse me of being

and does she think she is a ninny as well

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GwendolineMaryLacey · 14/06/2011 14:00

Fuck me, you are some judgemental lot. How many of you have actually met this child? Oh right, none. Yet you've decided on one short description to call him a brat, declare you would avoid him on a flight and say all manner of horrible things about a 2 year old...

I'm sure you think your DS is charming, I can assure you that many people, family included, will not

You are basing this expert opinion on what exactly? Jesus Hmm

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eurochick · 14/06/2011 14:01

Your sister is trying to discipline him because you are not. YABU.

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twinklingfairy · 14/06/2011 14:01

He was playing happily in a room on his own not bothering anyone.
He does do the tidying up, when he is finished.

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Rhinestone · 14/06/2011 14:01

Your DS sounds like a nightmare. I don't blame your DSis - his aunt after all - for stepping in if you won't. And yes, children do like boundaries.

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LDNmummy · 14/06/2011 14:02

"I know a mother of the type you accuse me of being and mine are angels in comparison."

Just because yours are angels in comparison does not mean they are not naughty, just not as naughty.

And no one is going to tell you how badly behaved they think your children are to your face, that is why you need to not be blinkered about it.

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Icelollycraving · 14/06/2011 14:02

Will you also be one of those parents who let's their dc bite/smack others & when other parents expect you to intervene they get the 'oh it's a phase' & sit back whilst not noticing the dwindling invites to play with their little monkey?

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ooohyouareawfulbutilikeyou · 14/06/2011 14:05

He was playing happily in a room on his own not bothering anyone.

erm no, he was told by an adult to do something and he back chatted

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twinklingfairy · 14/06/2011 14:06

He says the same phrase of going to find whoever, when he is on the loo. So that I don't have to stand over him.
Then he shouts when he is done.

He just employed it here because she came in to demand that he tidy up. he will have been confused, thinking she was telling him it was home time.

I don't know what tone he used but I would have thought it was the same one he uses when he asks me to leave him on the loo. It has a smile attached.
He is not trying to be rude and dismissive.

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Eggstra · 14/06/2011 14:07

How many more times does the OP have to say that they are her ds's cd's made available to him by his Grandmother (whose house it is) to play with?

Why the sister has an issue with a 2 year old playing with some silver discs that his gran has given him to play with, I don't know.

The OP has already stated that if he goes for the ones that have not been given him to play with he is moved away from them.

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TidyDancer · 14/06/2011 14:08

"I know I should just ignore her and I did such a good job of sitting there letting it wash over me."

You mean you did a good job of ignoring what your sister was trying to tell you? That you DS was behaving like a brat and she's the only one trying to do something about it?

Look, you sister shouldn't be the one in charge of getting your DS to actually behave himself, but if you won't do it, and your mum also won't help, what is she supposed to do? Just sit there and watch a child she loves have no boundaries and no rules?

Your sister was in the right and you should be grateful she cares.

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