To be upset about DPs porn habit?

[Flojo1979]

Ok, too much info for a monday morning. I dont get the whole porn thing, i hate it. I think its my DP getting off on another woman etc etc. Told him this a few months ago, b4 he moved in and expected him to respectfully refrain from such things. Since then hes moved in and well to put it blunt, got it on tap so has no reason to watch ever again, right?
So last night i said lets go for an early night (nudge nudge wink wink) and he said no I'll stop up for a bit u go up etc, fair enough, a guys allowed to say no ta too and off i toddled to bed. I heard his laptop boot up and when he went to work this morning in my usual suspicious ways, i checked his history, and he was on porn last night, when i was in bed!
Angry, furious, annoyed, upset, betrayed and oh feeling like he prefers that to me, and i must be rubbish!

not reformed more "grown up and educated"

that list of options the OP apparantly had, all of which are unattractive... I found e) quite acceptable actually, what's wrong with it?

Does it fall foul of the "being able to keep a man" list of essential qualities? Is that why e) appears to be unpopular with people?

What is the downside to getting rid of this wanker? The OP can get someone else who is better in bed and will shag her instead of wanking to porn. What's not to like?

i am indeed dyslexic hell at work.
your interpretations of my posts are what you find offensive, the rageing hard on implying a woman has to do something about it or that it's totaly uncontrolable ...your words , not mine , the hareem was a historical point, i diddnt say all men wanted one , i siad that historicaly men who have had the oppertunity have chosen to have one, i wasnt saying that was right or wrong, you can draw your own conclusions .
if you put words in my mouth i havent said , your not debateing with me, but some sexist guy who lives in your head.

i think it's best that i deleate my account, i have treid to give sensible posts on various threads giving a mans , one mans, opinion but all i get is insults.

as you know, i work on building sites hell at work, i know the sexist guy you hate, i work with lots of them.

don't strop off, stick around and be disagreed with - you might learn stuff...

dad you dont need to delete your account there are loads of men on here, you just need to have thicker skin, be friendly regardless and not be scared off because people disagree with you. it doesnt make you wrong.

No ones insulting you dad but your previous post was a bit odd

YANBU. Porn is dangerous and degrading.

cannydoit I can't really return the grin because my own personal epiphany has been a growing sense of horror and not much to laugh about. I've had to really think about what kind of world I want to live and participate in and how I contribute to that. It's not been pleasant.

Do you ever really really look at the women you're watching with your DP? I realised that I was watching more and more lesbian porn (I didn't doubt my sexuality as straight - I tried it once but didn't really float my boat) and was pondering why and then it clicked. Less fear/thinly veiled hostility from the women. That's not to say lesbian porn is ethically ok and they must be doing it because they like it if they don't look as scared - it was just that, although I hadn't been able to put my finger on it, the women were less fearful of the other women in the scene. Although the usually (as in 99.9% usual) male director had 'control' over them, there was less of the frozen fearful rictus look, smiling through the tears kind of thing. They were more careful with each other, not 'loving', just not being thrown around in the same way. So what ever I was searching for, I was trying to find porn where the women in it (although all were being exploited and for that I am ashamed to admit this that I didn't consciously care at the time) were less, well, scared looking. For people who are not into S&M stuff, scared and forced is just not sexy.

That's not to say there's plenty of nasty violent lesbian porn stuff (as I was saying above it is exceptionally hard to avoid hardcore stuff on the internet - these 'general' porn sites - don't want to name them to give them any traffic - feature anything and everything in thumbnail images so while you maybe searching for something not violent it is hard not to see women being penetrated anally by two men for example or a gangrape or bukkake etc on your way). I should imagine your perceptions of what is hardcore and what is mainstream are way out of kilter with what your DP's are and what the reality is. I think you said you watch 'soft-porn' with your DP (correct me if not you). Who buys/sources the porn?

Gail Dines' Pornland is a stomach-churning insight into the porn industry. There was also a thread about the horrific documentary (think it was Ch4) on the porn industry. I have yet to bring myself to watch it because of how guilty it would make me feel. One day I will.

So I guess you can't win. Like AF said: if you're anti-porn and never used it you're a virginal prude who hates sex and doesn't know what you're talking about, and if you're anti-porn and you have used it, well you're already dirty aren't you and how can you talk. Ah...the old Madonna/Whore complex.

no. its they`re.

there means over there, ;)

dad don't spit the dummy out

stick around, you might learn summat

most men who stay on this site do, as well as most women

only the ignorant, thick-skinned, obsessively-opinionated people do not

I have learned loads from here

God Dad don't be such a wuss. Are you a man or a mouse? Stick around. Welcome to Mumsnet.

I found it interesting to learn that lesbian porn is the least well-paid

I wonder why that is ?

I thinking of a career change :o

Can't imagine, af

Wonder if I will be able to nick *bigberthas name? ponders

V good, thought provoking post, HellAtWork

I think Pornland ought to be added to the curriculum

BigBernadette, I think you'll find

I wanna be called bigbertha hully the other name is way to classy for moi

Dad Don't flounce. Read, argue, debate. Hone your views. Namechange if you feel the need. We all benefit from variety of posters and views on here. I have learnt lots on MN ranging from childrens's party etiquette to lyrics to songs I now wish I never knew.

You've got two young boys there, and as you've said you see sexism at work which is unacceptable to you personally. I disagreed with your posts and what I see as your views in those posts. I don't know you so I can't dislike you can I? If you're stinging from what I said, have a look why. Doesn't mean you have to agree but is there any way in which you can understand my point of view? On another thread I might be agreeing with your view on something entirely different. The more you learn and grow the more you can pass on to them. Don't be closed. You're obviously a person who wants to join in/contribute or you wouldn't be a Dad on a site called Mumsnet!

helli haven't watched porn with my dp, though i probably wouldnt be adverse to it if it was suggested, nor do i really watch soft porn, dont see much point. i have watched documentary's, though obviously not the ones you are talking about because mostly the women in them chatted about the pros and cons looked quite bored a lot of the time as the director shouted cut a lot and looked really pissed off when the man would lose "wood".
they would suggest better positions, i saw no fear or abused victim. i think they would probably be pretty insulted if you were to say that to them.
one of the biggest worries discussed by the women was the growing positives for aids in the regular testing all the porn "stars" had to have in order to work. that made me think then why the fuck do it?
feel free to point me towards some of these horrifying documentaries on porn, happy to be further educated.
but you cant really win if you watch porn either can you because if you do you are a sick twisted pervert that likes to get their rocks off while women are debased and abused for your entertainment, not to mention the men in the films but obviously they are not being debased or something.

canny, did you see the channel 4 documentary about Max Hardcore ?

It was originally a few years ago, then repeated recently, but not sure if it was still on channel 4

and btw, I think the men in porn are devalued too

porn devalues all of us

lesbian porn is the least well paid as in the woman dont get paid as well? might be interested to know that men get paid less than women total and they dont get paid at all if the dont get the money shot ie, they dont come. i was quite shocked by that. they actually have what they call "stunt dicks" if a man cant perform. thats what i call pressure.
not nearly the dream job most men think it to be.

I think i maybe the only wife who doesnt give a toss if her bloke watches porn or not. - he doesnt have the time to watch it but if he was on the laptop and decided to watch it alone i wouldnt mind, - although these days he goes to bed before me.

Like last night for example he was up for work this morning, i was watching some recordings in the Sky planner and he went to bed at 11pm. He is home from work now and we were just talking and he was been 'sexual' with his words.
then he just said 'oh i had a good think about you last night' (meaning he had a w@nk)

I dont care, why should i. If he wanted to watch porn and do it it doesnt mean he is going to go out and find the nearest person to shag when he is telling me he had a wank over me whilst i wasnt even in bed.

I agree to some extent with dadof2littlebuggers - It is only porn.

here